Smoking Jokes

Enjoy our team's carefully selected Smoking Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!

Smoking Jokes

What does a dyslexic Mexican smoke?


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I know I know, smoking’s bad for me and all.

But my mama told me never to be a quitter.

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A husband was addicted to smoking and drinking.

One day, his wife got so angry that she told him, β€œIf you keep on smoking, all of your intestines will fall out.”

Her husband didn’t believe her, so he kept on smoking and drinking, just like he always did.

His wife was determined to prove herself right, so one day she went out early in the morning and bought some big intestines. She stuffed them in her husband’s underwear as he slept.

A short while later, he woke up, let out a huge scream, and then fell silent for the next 30 minutes.

After another 30 minutes of silence, he comes downstairs, sweating profusely. β€œWhat happened?” asked the wife.

β€œYou were right! My intestines did come out, but don’t worry, honey, after a lot of work, I finally managed to push them back in.”

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What did the daddy chimney say to the baby chimney?

β€œYou are to little to smoke!”

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I was helping my apiarist friend smoke her bees.

They’re not as good as tobacco, but I love the aftertaste.

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My teeth were stained, so the dentist asked me, β€œDo you smoke or drink coffee?”

I told him I drink it.

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What should you give a pumpkin who can’t quit smoking?

A pumpkin patch.

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It’s so hot, I went outside for a smoke and the cigarette lit itself.

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I told my Dr. I only smoke once every blue moon...

The problem is my refrigerator is full of them.

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Perfect Boyfriend:

Β· Does not drink.

Β· Does not smoke.

Β· Does not cheat.

Β· Does not exist.

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You are the only person that can smoke a cigarette in the rain with your hands tied on your back.

Your nose is like a natural canopy.

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