Sleeping Jokes



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Sleeping Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



Sleeping Jokes


How does an attorney sleep?

First, he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.

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Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep.

He waits.

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I always say β€œMorning” instead of β€œGood morning”.

If it were a good morning, I would still be asleep in bed instead of talking to people.

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911 operator:Β β€œ911, what’s your emergency?”

Me: β€œHi, I need to report a kidnapping. My son is taking a nap in my room right now.”

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I got really badΒ sunburnΒ after falling asleep on my stomach at the beach.

I wanted emergency medical attention, but 911 never returned my call.

I guess they put it on the back burner.

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A man sitting at a bar after work shares with the bartender why he is looking so stressed, β€œI’m not sleeping well. I have nightmares about a monster under my bed, and I am too embarrassed to seek help.”

A patron nearby overhears this and introduces himself, β€œI overheard your story, and I am a psychiatrist. Maybe I can help. The first thing is you recognize these are only dreams, and that is obvious, so I should be able to help you in a few sessions. Here’s my card, give me a call.”

A few weeks pass and the same two are once again at the bar after work.

The psychiatrist says to the other guy, β€œHi, how goes the nightmares? I never heard from you, so I hope you are doing okay.”

The other guy says, β€œThings are great, the bartender helped me.”

Psychiatrist, β€œThe bartender helped you? You needed a trained professional to help you, what possibly could a bartender do that a psychiatrist couldn’t?”

The other guy says, β€œHe told me to saw the legs off my bed.”

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What did the polar bears say when they saw tourists in sleeping bags?

Mmmm, sandwiches!

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What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A dinosnore.

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Guess what you call a sleeping piece of paper?

A napkin.

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I like working from home.

It’s much more comfortable than sleeping in my cubicle.

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Why should you be quiet inside a pharmacy?

You might wake the sleeping pills.

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Coach: β€œYour roommate and the captain of the team reported that you have many bad words for me in your sleep! So do you abuse me in your sleep!”

Football Player: β€œCoach, It is just not true!”

Coach: β€œWhat is not true, I trust the captain and I am asking this in front of him!”

Football player: β€œCoach, It is untrue that I was sleeping!”

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An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.

β€œDoctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night,” he says.

β€œHave you tried counting sheep?” inquires the doctor.

β€œThat’s the problem. I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.”

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My teacher always tells me to follow my dreams, but she won’t let me sleep in class.

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Mrs. Lewis, a Sunday school teacher, asked her little children one Easter Sunday, as they were on the way to the church service, β€œAnd why is it necessary to be quiet in church?”

Rebecca, a bright little girl piped up, β€œBecause people are sleeping!”

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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer.

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