Sleeping Jokes



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Sleeping Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



Sleeping Jokes


911 operator:Β β€œ911, what’s your emergency?”

Me: β€œHi, I need to report a kidnapping. My son is taking a nap in my room right now.”

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I got really badΒ sunburnΒ after falling asleep on my stomach at the beach.

I wanted emergency medical attention, but 911 never returned my call.

I guess they put it on the back burner.

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A man sitting at a bar after work shares with the bartender why he is looking so stressed, β€œI’m not sleeping well. I have nightmares about a monster under my bed, and I am too embarrassed to seek help.”

A patron nearby overhears this and introduces himself, β€œI overheard your story, and I am a psychiatrist. Maybe I can help. The first thing is you recognize these are only dreams, and that is obvious, so I should be able to help you in a few sessions. Here’s my card, give me a call.”

A few weeks pass and the same two are once again at the bar after work.

The psychiatrist says to the other guy, β€œHi, how goes the nightmares? I never heard from you, so I hope you are doing okay.”

The other guy says, β€œThings are great, the bartender helped me.”

Psychiatrist, β€œThe bartender helped you? You needed a trained professional to help you, what possibly could a bartender do that a psychiatrist couldn’t?”

The other guy says, β€œHe told me to saw the legs off my bed.”

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What did the polar bears say when they saw tourists in sleeping bags?

Mmmm, sandwiches!

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What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A dinosnore.

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Guess what you call a sleeping piece of paper?

A napkin.

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I like working from home.

It’s much more comfortable than sleeping in my cubicle.

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Why should you be quiet inside a pharmacy?

You might wake the sleeping pills.

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Coach: β€œYour roommate and the captain of the team reported that you have many bad words for me in your sleep! So do you abuse me in your sleep!”

Football Player: β€œCoach, It is just not true!”

Coach: β€œWhat is not true, I trust the captain and I am asking this in front of him!”

Football player: β€œCoach, It is untrue that I was sleeping!”

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An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.

β€œDoctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night,” he says.

β€œHave you tried counting sheep?” inquires the doctor.

β€œThat’s the problem. I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.”

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My teacher always tells me to follow my dreams, but she won’t let me sleep in class.

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Mrs. Lewis, a Sunday school teacher, asked her little children one Easter Sunday, as they were on the way to the church service, β€œAnd why is it necessary to be quiet in church?”

Rebecca, a bright little girl piped up, β€œBecause people are sleeping!”

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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer.

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