Enjoy our team's carefully selected Shoe Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear shoes to protect his feet from the ground.
He wears them to protect the ground from his feet.
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You are more precious than my blue suede shoes.
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I went to a party in blue shoes.
But everyone said it was a blue-sy idea.
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I bought some blue shoes to wear to the office.
But they made me feel downright feet-talistic.
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What’s a blue shoe?
A shoe with the blues.
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I bent down in a bar.
“Excuse me,” said the girl next to me, “Are you looking up my skirt?”
I said, “No, no I’m tying my shoelace.”
She said, “You’re wearing Crocs.”
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What do you call a grizzly with no shoes?
Bear foot.
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What’s the difference between a bass guitar and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline.
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My friend went bankrupt after inventing a sandal for people with only one leg.
It was a flop.
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Two U.S. Marines boarded a flight headed for Raleigh, North Carolina. One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat.
Just before takeoff, a U.S. Army Ranger headed for Fort Bragg sat down in the aisle seat.
After takeoff, the Ranger kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes, and was settling in when the Marine in the window seat said, “I need to get up and get a Coke.”
“Don’t get up,” said the Army Ranger, “I’m in the aisle seat, I’ll get it for you.”
As soon as he left, one of the Marines picked up the Ranger’s shoe and spat in it.
When the Ranger returned with the Coke, the other Marine said, “That looks good, I’d really like one, too.”
Again, the Army Ranger obligingly went to fetch it.
While he was gone the other Marine picked up the Ranger’s other shoe and spat in it.
When the Ranger returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.
As the plane was landing, the Army Ranger slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.
“Why does it have to be this way?” he asked. “How long must this go on? This fighting between our services? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and peeing in Cokes?”
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Why did the volleyball player bring an extra pair of shoelaces?
Because she wanted to tie the score.
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Roses are red, violets are blue.
Your face is going to meet my shoe.
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What kind of shoes do artists wear?
Sketchers.
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What vegetable can tie your shoes?
String beans.
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It’s so cold, the rock rattling around in your shoe is your toe.
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It’s so hot that the soles of my shoes melted.
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These days, shoes are called snickers.
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After 10 years of impeccable policing, Roderick was still only a captain. So Rod went to the prefect and asked for a promotion.
Only the prefect couldn’t stand Rod, so he told him, “You will be promoted when you complete an assignment of the highest importance. You must travel to India and bring back... erm... a pair of crocodile shoes!”
Roderick salutes and leaves.
Two years later, a search and rescue team is sent to India, to recover his remains.
After weeks of hacking through the jungle, they finally find him.
With a huge, thick beard and wearing rags, Rod sits on the riverbank holding a huge cudgel in his hands. Behind him is a gigantic pile of dead crocodiles.
A crocodile swims by; Rod whacks it on the head with the cudgel, drags it out of the water, examines its feet, and throws him on the pile with a curse, “Damn, another one without shoes!!”
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You know what they say “Big shoes, big nose, big hands”?
Probably a clown.
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Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you’ll be a mile away and you’ll have their shoes.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Amish.”
“Amish, who?”
“Really? You don’t look like a shoe!”
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