Enjoy our team's carefully selected Sea Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
What do you call a lawyer who’s also a pirate?
A barracuda-talking sea attorney.
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So I asked my Spanish friend if he knew where fish lived.
He said, “Si.”
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What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
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Why did the guy panic and call 911 when he realized an ocean was forming around him?
It was an emergent sea.
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What do you call oyster nuns?
Cloisters.
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What’s the coldest fish in the sea?
A blue whale.
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What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
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I heard about a blue whale who was feeling down.
It was a huge ordeal.
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I went to a party once where everyone was dressed in blue.
It was like a sea of navy-tees.
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I told my boss I was feeling blue, so he painted my office the color of the ocean. Now I’m working in a sea of tranquility.
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Why do blue whales need computers?
To go on their whale-net.
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What do you call a group of blue whales?
A pod of blues.
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Why don’t sharks like to eat blue whales?
Because they’re all blubber and no beef.
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A magician gets himself a parrot for his act.
After a couple weeks of performing with the magician the parrot begins to heckle the magician during his shows, saying things like “it’s under his hat”, “it’s up his sleeve”, “his assistant has it”.
The magician is performing on a cruise ship when the ship sinks.
The magician wakes up on a piece of driftwood with the parrot standing on the opposite end.
The parrot and the magician spend two days floating at sea without saying a word.
Finally the parrot says, “Alright, I give up. Where’s the boat?”
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What are the official sea creatures of National Pi Day?
Octopi.
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Being both a moth and a sea captain is hard.
You’re in charge of the ship, but up ahead you see a lighthouse. You know you shouldn't but...
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What did the beach say on Labor Day weekend?
Long time no sea!
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A schoolteacher in Havana asked her class, “If the sea between Cuba and Miami were to dry up, how long would it take to walk across?”
When she got no response, she asked Pepito to give an answer.
After a moment of thought, he said, “Forty days.”
The teacher was naturally surprised.
“Pepito,” she said, “the distance from Havana to Miami is only about ninety miles. Maybe I didn’t make the question clear. Pretend that it’s all smooth and level ground. Now, how long would it take?”
Pepito insisted however on his answer of forty days.
“But why?” asked the teacher.
“Well, because you would constantly have to say ‘Excuse me’, ‘Pardon me please’, ‘Excuse me, sir’, ‘Pardon me, Miss’, ‘Excuse me’...”
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What was the mermaid doing at the bottom of the sea?
She dropped out of school.
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Why don’t you ever find beavers at sea?
They don’t have much gnaw-tical experience.
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What’s the fastest speed at which a seahorse swims?
At a scallop.
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I went out to a seafood restaurant the other day.
My friend ate all the prawns. Rather shellfish of him.
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I don’t trust people on the west coast who don’t like seafood.
There’s something fishy about them.
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I saw an interview with Sean Connery about how he used to scuba dive for seafood.
He said, “Every time I saw a crab or lobster with a scrap of food, it was frantically searching for a place to hide, so it could eat alone. Then I thought to myself...
that’s shellfish.”
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My girlfriend left me once I stopped taking her to seafood restaurants.
Turns out she was only with me for my mussels.
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My wife and I went down to the seafood market, but I didn’t trust the employees there.
They seemed a little fishy.
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I knew I shouldn’t have eaten the seafood.
I’m feeling a little eel.
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What is a seafood an Italian would love to have?
A moray.
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I’m on a seafood diet.
I see food and I eat it.
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I saw a blind man eating seafood today.
It didn’t help.
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What do you get when you throw lettuce into the ocean?
I don’t know, lettuce sea.
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How do retired sailors greet each other?
Long time no sea.
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What do you call a sea of hot dogs?
Frank Ocean.
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Guess what made the sea monster such a successful comedian?
He was always kraken everyone up.
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I was dreaming of an orange ocean tonight. Guess what?
It was a Fanta Sea.
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A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea.
The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch.
The seaman asks, “So, how did you end up with the pegleg?”
The pirate replies, “We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off.”
“Wow!” said the seaman.
“What about your hook?”
“Well,” replied the pirate, “we were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemies cut my hand off.”
“Incredible!” remarked the seaman.
“How did you get the eye patch?”
“A seagull dropping fell into my eye,” replied the pirate.
“You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?” the sailor asked incredulously.
“Well,” said the pirate, “it was my first day with my hook...”
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Your mama so old when she was born the Dead Sea was just getting sick!
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels.
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