Jokes on Science

Enjoy our team's carefully selected Science Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!

Science Jokes

Iโ€™m trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike, but he still canโ€™t seem to do it.

I guess it must be sprocket science.

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Science is amazing. Some European scientists made a breakthrough and invented an Anti-Thieves Machine. It detects and catches thieves in the streets of various cities around the world with an accuracy of 99.9%!

Naturally, various countries were interested. Germany got 2 machines, France got 3, Greece got 4, Italy got 5, and Portugal, true to its showoff image, got 10.

After one hour, in Germany, 100 thieves were caught. In France, more than 250 thieves were caught. In Greece, more than 350 thieves were caught. In Italy, more than 500 thieves were caught. In Portugal, after 30 minutes, all the machines were stolen.

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Why do scientists suck at pulling pranks on April 1st?

They lack the element of surprise.

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Scientists have discovered that crabs hear through their legs.

They said they yelled at a crab and it ran away.

Then they cut off its legs and yelled at it again. And this time the crab didnโ€™t run away.

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A scientist is doing experiments on an ant.

He puts the ant on the table and says, โ€œWalk, ant, walk!โ€

The ant walks to the other side of the table.

The man writes in his notepad: The ant with 6 legs walks.

He then proceeds to take one leg off the insect and repeats the same process.

โ€œWalk, ant, walk!โ€

The ant walks slower but reaches the other side of the table.

The scientist writes in his notepad: The ant with 5 legs walks.

After repeating the process 4 more times, he takes off the final leg, puts it on the table, and says, โ€œWalk, ant, walk!โ€

The ant doesnโ€™t move, so he tries again, โ€œWalk, ant, walk!โ€

Again, the ant doesnโ€™t move, so he writes in his notepad: The ant with 0 legs becomes deaf.

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I decided to donate my body to science.

For the time being, Iโ€™m following a routine to preserve it with ethanol until they need it.

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Iโ€™m balding and that makes me sad. But thanks to the miracle of science...

I take antidepressants and now Iโ€™m never sad!

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A woman goes into labor and at the hospital the doctor says, โ€œThrough the miracles of science, weโ€™ve invented a new machine that will transfer the pain of childbirth to your husband. Would you be the first couple to try it out?โ€

So the husband and wife talk about it and agree that itโ€™s only fair that they share the pain together.

They get hooked up to the machine and as she gets further along the husband gets a little skittish and says, โ€œOK, listen, I know this is going to be super painful, so letโ€™s start it at about 3.โ€

The doctor turns on the machine and before long the husband says, โ€œWow, this is nothing! Go ahead and turn it to 5.โ€

A couple more minutes go by, and again he says, โ€œMan, this is easy, letโ€™s go up to 7.โ€

The husband still sits there calmly and as the baby gets closer he says, โ€œGee honey, I donโ€™t get what all the fuss is about, this is nothing. You women have been complaining about how horrible this is, but itโ€™s a breeze. Gimme everything.โ€

So the doctor turns it up all the way.

The woman has the best, most painless delivery ever, and the husband just sits there like a champ with barely a grimace on his face.

Afterward, the doctor interviews them and the man is still in disbelief over how effortless it was and says heโ€™d gladly do it all again, โ€œI barely felt anything, men are so much tougher than women.โ€

Then, after the woman recovers, they gather their things and take their newborn home with them.

... and find the delivery driver lying dead on the front porch.

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One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference.

On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him, โ€œIโ€™m sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!โ€

The driver agrees, โ€œYouโ€™re right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I donโ€™t know anything about science, I could giveย the conference in your place.โ€

โ€œThatโ€™s a great idea!โ€ says Einstein. โ€œLetโ€™s switch places then!โ€

So they switch clothes and as soon as they arrive, the driver dressed as Einstein goes on stage and starts giving the usual speech, while the real Einstein, dressed as the car driver, attends it.

But in the crowd, there is one scientist who wants to impress everyone and thinks of a very difficult question to ask Einstein, hoping he wonโ€™t be able to respond. So this guy stands up and interrupts the conference by posing his very difficult question.

The whole room goes silent, holding their breath, waiting for the response.

The driver looks at him, dead in the eye, and says, โ€œSir, your question is so easy to answer that Iโ€™m going to let my driver reply to it for me.โ€

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Did you know that porcupines are one of the smartest animals on Earth?

Yeah, thatโ€™s right, science has proven them to be pretty sharp.

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Whatโ€™s the difference between science and religion?

Science flies you to the moon while religion flies you into buildings.

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Yo momma so fat when she farts scientists on Tatooine think the star around Coruscant just went supernova.

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Scientists experimented on a rabbit and a bug, guess what they get?

A bugs bunny.

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August 20, 2020:

Scientists have discovered a โ€œmystery objectโ€ in space. The object is equal to 2.6 solar masses.

March 1, 2021 (Update):

Scientists have determined that the โ€œmystery objectโ€ is made up of unmatched socks.

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Scientists say they may be able to synthesize a completely clean biofuel using the enzymes in finely shredded fungi, such as mushrooms...

Some critics have questioned the ethics of the process, but admit they are comforted by the researchersโ€™ strong morel fiber.

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Two guys were working at a sawmill one day when one of the guys got too close to the blade and cut off his arm.

His buddy put the severed arm in a plastic bag and rushed it down to the hospital to get re-attached.

The next day he goes to see his chum and finds him playing tennis.

โ€œIncredible!,โ€ says his friend.

โ€œMedical science is amazing!โ€

Another month goes by and the same two guys are again at the sawmill working when the same guy gets too close to the spinning blade and this time his leg gets cut off.

Again his buddy takes the leg, puts it in a plastic bag and takes it to the hospital to get re-attached.

The next day, he goes down to see his chum and finds him outside playing football.

โ€œIncredible!,โ€ says his friend.

โ€œMedical science is amazing!โ€

Well, another month goes by and again the same two friends are at the mill cutting wood when suddenly the same guy bends down too close to the blade and off comes his head.

Well, his friend takes the head, puts it in a plastic bag, and heads to the hospital to get it re-attached.

The next day he goes to see his friend but canโ€™t find him.

He sees the doctor walking down the hall and says, โ€œDoc, where is my friend? I brought him in yesterday.โ€

The doctor thinks for a minute and says, โ€œOh yeah, some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated.โ€

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A mugger jumps out in front of a university student and shouts, โ€œYour money or your life!โ€

The student keeps walking and says, โ€œSorry mate, Iโ€™m a computer science student. I donโ€™t have either.โ€

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What do you do when no one laughs at your science jokes?

Keep trying until you get a reaction.

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The science teacher lecturing his class in biology said, โ€œNow Iโ€™ll show you this frog in my pocket.โ€

He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a chicken sandwich.

He looked puzzled for a second, thought deeply, and said, โ€œThatโ€™s funny. I distinctly remember eating my lunch.โ€

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Your mama so hot scientists deemed her the leading cause of global warming.

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Two scientists walk into a bar.

One says, โ€œIโ€™ll have an H2O please.โ€

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