Enjoy our team's carefully selected School Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large tray of hot dogs.
The nun posted a sign on the hot dog tray “Take only one, God is watching”.
Further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
One child whispered to another, “Take all you want. God is watching the hot dogs.”
😄 😄 😄
Guess who I saw at school today?
Everyone I looked at.
😄 😄 😄
Santa Clause’s elves went to school, guess what they learned?
The elfabets.
😄 😄 😄
What is the best college to apply to learn about solar radiation?
U.V. Ray.
😄 😄 😄
Sunday school teacher: “Tell me, Johnny. Do you say prayers before eating?”
Johnny: “No, ma’am, I don’t have to. My mom’s a good cook.”
😄 😄 😄
An accountancy student asks a partner to explain ethics in accountancy.
The partner thinks for a moment and relates the following, “Mr. Jones, one of our clients, came to see me last week and paid me his bill of £1,000 in cash. As he left I counted the notes and they came to £1,100.”
The student said, “I see. The ethics question is ‘Do I tell the client?’”
“Wrong answer! The question is ‘Do I tell my partner?’”
😄 😄 😄
A mugger jumps out in front of a university student and shouts, “Your money or your life!”
The student keeps walking and says, “Sorry mate, I’m a computer science student. I don’t have either.”
😄 😄 😄
What do you do when no one laughs at your science jokes?
Keep trying until you get a reaction.
😄 😄 😄
In high school, teachers had to raise their hand to speak to Chuck Norris.
😄 😄 😄
The judge rose from the bench and said, “Madam, I’ve waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court.”
Then he smiled as he said, “Now, sit down at that table and write 500 times ‘I will not pass through a red light.’”
😄 😄 😄
Math teacher: “James, what do you get when you subtract 897 from 1824 and add 176 and divide the answer by 3?”
James: “A Headache ma’am.”
😄 😄 😄
Why don’t Romans find algebra interesting?
X is always 10.
😄 😄 😄
“Dad, I don’t want to go to school today,” said the boy.
“Why not, son?”
“Well, one of the chickens on the school farm died last week and we had chicken soup for lunch the next day. Then three days ago one of the pigs died and we had roast pork the next day.”
“But why don’t you want to go today?”
“Because our English teacher died yesterday!”
😄 😄 😄
Mrs. Lewis, a Sunday school teacher, asked her little children one Easter Sunday, as they were on the way to the church service, “And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?”
Rebecca, a bright little girl piped up, “Because people are sleeping!”
😄 😄 😄
In Jewish doctrine, when does a fetus become a human?
When it graduates from medical school.
😄 😄 😄
During a Sunday school lesson, a child learned about how God created human beings.
The child became especially focused when the teacher explained how Eve was created from Adam’s ribs.
Later in the week, the boy’s mother saw him lying down on the floor, so she asked him what was wrong.
His reply was priceless, “Mom, I have a pain in my side—I think I’m getting a wife.”
😄 😄 😄
Little Johnny’s teacher is doing her rounds at lunchtime when she sees Little Johnny pulling faces at another child.
She starts to talk sternly to Little Johnny and says, “Johnny, when I was a young girl I was told that if I made ugly faces and the wind changed, my face would stay that way.”
Little Johnny looks up to her and says, “Well miss, you can’t say that you weren’t warned.”
😄 😄 😄
Teacher: “Which book has helped you the most in your life?”
Student: “My father’s checkbook.”
😄 😄 😄
Little Ahmed is doing his biology homework.
He comes upon a question:
What separates the head from the body?
Ahmed answers:
The axe.
😄 😄 😄
When is the first math homework problem mentioned in the Bible?
When God told Adam and Eve to go forth and multiply.
😄 😄 😄
A kid from Mississippi is on Harvard campus for the first time, he stops a student and asks, “Excuse me, can you tell me where the library is at?”
The Harvard student replies, “At Harvard, you don’t end a sentence with a preposition.”
The kid said, “Sorry about that. Can you tell me where the library is at, asshole?”
😄 😄 😄
Math teacher: “If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?”
Student: “A drinking problem.”
😄 😄 😄
At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying “I know the whole truth”.
Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.
Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.”
His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.”
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.”
The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door.
The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.”
The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”
😄 😄 😄
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day and the teacher was talking about life.
She asks him: “Little Johnny, what do you want your wife to be like?”
He: “Like the moon.”
The teacher: “That’s such a beautiful answer because it's calm and peaceful”.
Little Johnny: “No, because it appears at night and disappears in the morning.”
😄 😄 😄
Chocolate is like guns.
If you pull it out in school, then everybody is suddenly your friend.
😄 😄 😄
Relationships are a lot like algebra.
Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
😄 😄 😄
I am pretty sure that my algebra teacher is secretly a pirate.
He constantly is trying to find X.
😄 😄 😄
Teachers deserve a lot of credit.
Of course, if we paid them more, they wouldn’t need it.
😄 😄 😄
My English teacher used to quote Lord of the Rings to us.
She used to say “You shall not pass!”
😄 😄 😄
I said to my teacher, “I don’t think I deserved a zero for this exam.”
She said, “I agree, but I couldn’t give you any less.”
😄 😄 😄
I complained to my math teacher that it was too cold in the classroom.
He told me to stand in the corner. Because the corner is 90 degrees.
😄 😄 😄
Never fight a math teacher. You’ll always be outnumbered.
😄 😄 😄
Dear Math,
I am sick and tired of finding your “x”. Just accept the fact that she’s gone. Move on dude.
😄 😄 😄
I was trying to solve a few equations about circles. Guess what?
It was pointless.
😄 😄 😄
My wife gave birth four times and still fits in her prom dress from high school.
I gave birth 0 times and I haven’t fit in my pants since March.
😄 😄 😄
Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves.
Finally, my high school karate lessons paid off.
😄 😄 😄
A young Jewish mom walks her son to the school bus corner on his first day of kindergarten.
“Behave, my bubaleh,” she says.
“Take good care of yourself and think about your mother, tataleh!”
“And come right back home on the bus, schein kindaleh.”
“Your mommy loves you a lot, my ketsaleh!”
At the end of the school day, the bus comes back and she runs to her son and hugs him.
“So what did my pupaleh learn on his first day of school?”
The boy answers, “I learned my name is David.”
😄 😄 😄
Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school.
Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.
“Wait a minute,” she said. “I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved.”
😄 😄 😄
It was the first day of school.
Harry’s mother went into his bedroom and said, “Come on Harry, get up now. You have to go to school today.”
“But I don’t want to go to school,” replied Harry, “I want to stay in bed. Why do I have to go to school?”
“Because,” answered his mother, “you’re a teacher!”
😄 😄 😄
Why didn’t the zombie go to school?
He felt rotten!
😄 😄 😄
Why do pumpkins do poorly in school?
Because eventually they end up with all their brains scooped out.
😄 😄 😄
Guess what I found in the creepy old professors’ closet?
Narnia business
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so dumb her IQ is lower than Jeffy the Puppet.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so fat her school pictures were taken by a satellite.
😄 😄 😄
Boy: “Hey, I like you and I was wondering if you would be my girlfriend.”
Girl: “I have a boyfriend.”
Boy: “I have a math test tomorrow.”
Girl: “What does that have to do with anything?”
Boy: “I thought we were listing things we could cheat on.”
😄 😄 😄
I told my dad I couldn’t believe I’d failed my biology exam.
He said, “I’m your mum!”
😄 😄 😄
During a biology exam, a student has to list three pros of breast milk.
He’s unprepared, but starts looking for common sense answers and writes down:
– Contains all the nutrients a baby needs.
– Doesn’t need heating.
But he still needs one more.
And just as the time is about to run out, the student writes:
– Has great packaging.
😄 😄 😄
Why is it impossible for students to sleep 8 hours every day?
Because school is only 6 hours a day!
😄 😄 😄
Why did the student eat his homework?
Because he didn’t have a dog.
😄 😄 😄
Teacher: “Take a seat”.
Student: “Where do you want me to take it to?”
😄 😄 😄
The science teacher lecturing his class in biology said, “Now I’ll show you this frog in my pocket.”
He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a chicken sandwich.
He looked puzzled for a second, thought deeply, and said, “That’s funny. I distinctly remember eating my lunch.”
😄 😄 😄
On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, “What are your parents’ names?”
The student replied, “My father’s name is Laughing and my mother’s name is Smiling.”
The teacher said, “Are you kidding?”
The student said, “No, Kidding is my brother. I am Joking.”
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so old she rode dinosaurs to school.
😄 😄 😄
Teacher: “Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up.”
No one stands up.
Teacher: “Oh c’mon. I know someone over here is dumb.” Waves her finger around the left side of the room.
Little Johnny stands up.
Teacher: “Oh, Johnny, you think you’re dumb?”
Little Johnny: “No, I just feel bad you’re standing alone.”
😄 😄 😄
Where do kids get ice cream cakes on their birthdays?
At sundae school.
😄 😄 😄
When a teacher closes his eyes, why should it remind him of an empty classroom?
Because there are no pupils to see!
😄 😄 😄
Why did Johnny take a ruler to bed?
Because he wanted to see how long he slept!
😄 😄 😄
Dear Students,
I know when you are texting in class. No one just looks down at their crotch and smiles.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses in class?
Because the class was so bright!
😄 😄 😄
Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Doughnut.”
“Doughnut, who?”
“Doughnut forget to do your homework or you will have to go to summer school!”
😄 😄 😄
What would happen if you took the school bus home?
The police would make you bring it back!
😄 😄 😄
Who should be your best friend at school?
Your princi-pal!
😄 😄 😄
Why did the boy eat his homework?
Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake.
😄 😄 😄
My teacher always tells me to follow my dreams, but she won’t let me sleep in class.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the difference between a teacher and a train?
The teacher says “Spit your gum out!” and the train says “Chew, chew!”
😄 😄 😄
Dear math,
Please grow up and solve your own problems, I’m tired of solving them for you.
Thanks!
😄 😄 😄
The baby tomato was running late for school. Guess what his mommy said?
“Come on, ketch-up!”
😄 😄 😄
Teacher: “How far have you gone with your homework, Johnny?”
Little Johnny: “About 8 kilometers miss. I went home with it and came back with it this morning.”
😄 😄 😄
A somewhat advanced society has figured out how to package basic knowledge in pill form.
A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available.
The pharmacist says, “Here’s a pill for English literature.”
The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature!
“What else do you have?” asks the student.
“Well, I have pills for art history, biology and world history,” replies the pharmacist.
The student asks for these, swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects.
Then the student asks, “Do you have a pill for math?”
The pharmacist says, “Wait just a moment,” and goes back into the storeroom and brings back a whopper of a pill and plunks it on the counter.
“I have to take that huge pill for math?” inquires the student.
The pharmacist replied, “Well, you know... math always was a little hard to swallow.”
😄 😄 😄
On his 16th birthday, I thought my son deserved to know the truth about his being adopted.
So when he got home from school, I said to him, “Steve, do you mind sitting down, I’ve got something to tell you.”
“Dad, guess what?!” he shouted excitedly.
“Steve, this is important.” I urged.
“No way, Dad. Listen!”
“Steve. Please. Don’t make this hard for me. It’s about your mum and me.”
“Dad! Shut up! I’ve just won £250,000 on a scratch card!”
“That’s amazing son! Your old Dad’s really made up for you!”
😄 😄 😄
There was a statistics teacher who would always accelerate hard when driving through intersections and then slow down after passing through.
One day he drove a colleague to work who was noticeably uncomfortable with his driving.
The colleague asked, “Why do you always drive so fast through intersections?”
To which the statistics teacher responded, “Well, statistically speaking, you’re more likely to have an accident in an intersection, so I make sure to get through them as fast as possible!”
😄 😄 😄
A proctologist had been in practice for 20 years and had settled into a very comfortable life with his future very secure. So he decided to fulfill his REAL dream and become an auto mechanic.
Having entered mechanic school, the former physician received the results of his first test back with a score of 200%.
Confused, he asked the teacher why his score was so high.
“Well”, said the teacher, “the first part was taking the engine apart and you did that perfectly, so you got 50%. The second was to put it back together again and you did it perfectly and got another 50%. The other 100% was for doing it through the tailpipe.”
😄 😄 😄
Student: “503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?”
Teacher: “502.”
Student: “How do you put an elephant in a fridge?”
Teacher: “No you can’t fit an elephant in a fridge!”
Student: “Just open the door, put the elephant in, close the door.”
Student: “How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?”
Teacher: “Open the door, put the giraffe in, close the door.”
Student: “No! Open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close the door.”
Student: “The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?”
Teacher: “The lion?”
Student: “No! The giraffe because he’s in a fridge.”
Student: “Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?”
Teacher: “Sally stepped on the alligator's mouth?”
Student: “The gators are at the party.”
Student: “But Sally dies anyway. Why?”
Teacher: “She drowned?!”
Student: “No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.”
😄 😄 😄
There’s a new battle royale game launching on September 1st.
It’s called “Back to School!”.
😄 😄 😄
What are a school teacher’s three favorite words?
June, July, and August.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so fat when she walked out in August in her yellow sun dress and the kids said, “Mommy, it’s time for school!”
😄 😄 😄
How are rioters like school in July?
No class.
😄 😄 😄
This special peach school is for those peach kids who are suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the grape go to school?
To become a little wine-y!
😄 😄 😄
Preschools and bars have the same rule.
You pee your pants, you go home.
😄 😄 😄
A preschooler is asked to write the first sentence every member of his family said.
When he got home, he saw his mom on the phone. He asked her to say a sentence, but she yelled, “Shut up, I’m on the phone!” So, he wrote that down.
He then came into the living room and saw his dad watching a soccer game. The team he was rooting for had just scored the winning goal, so he shouted, “Yes, yes, yes!” The kid wrote that down.
He came upstairs and was going to enter his sister’s room, but he heard her planning a sleepover. He heard her say, “I’m going to stay the night and leave in the morning.” The kid wrote that down.
Next, he watched his brother play with an action figure, and when he picked up Batman, he said, “Dun nu nu nu nu Batman!” That was also written down.
Finally, he saw his little brother reading a book out loud. The first sentence he heard was, “The king’s throne.”
The next day, the teacher said, “Please tell me the first sentence that you wrote down.”
The kid shouted, “Shut up, I’m on the phone!”
The teacher was shocked.
She replied angrily, “Do you want to see the principal?!”
The kid didn’t hear her, so he said, “Yes, yes, yes!”
When the kid got sent to the principal’s office, he still had the paper in his hand.
The principal saw it and asked what was written down on it.
The kid answered, “Shut up, I’m on the phone!”
The principal said, “Excuse me? Who do you think you are?”
The kid continued reading, “Dun nu nu nu nu Batman!”
The principal was very angry and asked with anger, “How long do you want to be here, punk?”
The kid still continued to read, “I’m going to stay the night and leave in the morning.”
Now the principal was fuming, “Is there anywhere special you want to go?!”
The kid replied, “The king’s throne.”
😄 😄 😄
What’s the difference between a physician and a preschool teacher?
One has a job with patients, the other has the patience of job.
😄 😄 😄
Johnny was a preschool student who did not know grammar or math very well.
While in class, his teacher asked, “What’s 2+2?”
Johnny answered, “I four-get.”
😄 😄 😄
If lawyers learn at pre-law but doctors learn at pre-med, where do teachers learn?
Pre-school.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the eyeglasses walk into the classroom quietly?
They didn’t want to make a spectacle.
😄 😄 😄
Chuck Norris assigns his teachers homework.
😄 😄 😄
A Sunday school teacher of preschoolers told her students that she wanted each of them to have learned one fact about Jesus by the next Sunday.
The following week, she asked each child in turn what he or she had learned.
Susie said, “He was born in a manger.” Bobby said, “He threw the money changers out of the temple.”
Little Johnny said, “He has a red pickup truck but he doesn’t know how to drive it.”
Curious, the teacher asked, “And where did you learn that, Johnny?”
“From my daddy,” said Johnny. “Yesterday we were driving down the highway, and this red pickup truck pulled out in front of us and daddy yelled at him, ‘Jesus Christ! Why don’t you learn how to drive?!’”
😄 😄 😄
In class one day, Mr. Johnson pulled Johnny over to his desk after a test and said, “Johnny, I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests.”
Johnny was astounded and asked Mr. Johnson to prove it.
“Well,” said Mr. Johnson, “I was looking over your test and the question was, ‘Who was our first president?’, and the little girl that sits next to you, Mary, put ‘George Washington’, and so did you.”
“So, everyone knows that he was the first president,” said Little Johnny with his eyes wide open.
“Just wait a minute,” said Mr. Johnson. “The next question was, ‘Who freed the slaves?’. Mary put Abraham Lincoln and so did you.”
“Well, I read the history book last night and I remembered that,” said Johnny.
“Wait, wait,” said Mr. Johnson. “The next question was, ‘Who was president during the Louisiana Purchase?’. Mary put ‘I don’t know’, and you put, ‘Me neither’.”
😄 😄 😄
A senator is visiting a primary school.
In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a tragedy.
One little boy stands up and offers, “If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street when a car came by and killed him, that would be a tragedy.”
“No,” the senator says, “that would be an ACCIDENT.”
A girl raises her hand, “If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone inside… that would be a tragedy.”
“I’m afraid not,” explains the senator. “That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS.”
The room is silent—none of the other children dare volunteer.
“What?” asks the Senator, “Isn’t there anyone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?”
Finally, Little Johnny in the back raises his hand.
In a timid voice, he says, “If an airplane carrying a senator was blown up by a bomb, that would be a tragedy.”
“Marvelous!” the senator beams. “And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?”
“Well,” says Johnny, “because it wouldn’t be an accident, and it certainly wouldn’t be any great loss.”
😄 😄 😄
It was a regular day in first grade, and the teacher asked all the students to tell her something about what their parents do for a living.
Some kids knew and gave a good description, while others didn’t really understand their parents’ jobs and gave vague descriptions or none at all.
When they got to Little Johnny, he stood up and said, “My dad cuts people in half.”
“Oh, really?” asked the teacher with a smile, “You mean he’s a magician?”
“I don’t know,” said Johnny.
“A surgeon, maybe?” asked the teacher.
“I don’t know,” repeated Johnny.
“Then why do you think he cuts people in half?” asked the confused teacher.
“Because I have two half brothers and three half sisters.”
😄 😄 😄
Teacher: “What are the seasons?”
Student: “Salt, pepper, ginger...”
😄 😄 😄
Little Johnny’s chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he set up an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.
“Now, class. Observe what happens to the two worms,” said the professor, putting the first worm in the glass of water.
The worm in the water moved about, twisting and seemingly unharmed.
He then dropped the second worm in the whiskey glass. It writhed for a moment, then quickly sank to the bottom and died.
“Now kids, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?” he asked.
Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, “Drink whiskey and you won’t get worms!”
😄 😄 😄
A Sunday school teacher decided to quiz her students about what they learned that year.
Sunday school teacher: “Okay class... who can tell me what are some different names used when talking about God?”
Little Johnny: “Hallowed!”
Sunday school teacher: “Hallowed? How did you get that as an answer?”
Little Johnny: “It’s in the Lord’s Prayer: Our Father who art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name...”
😄 😄 😄
A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher of 14-year-olds.
On her first day, she comes to watch the kids playing soccer. She watches as they all get together and start playing.
However, she quickly notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
“Are you OK?” she says kindly.
“Yes,” he says.
“You can go and play with the other kids, you know,” she says encouragingly.
“It’s best I stay here,” he says.
“Why’s that, sweetie?” asks the compassionate teacher.
The boy gives her a weird look and says, “Because I’m the goalie.”
😄 😄 😄
The high school music teacher was controversial for having his students read band books.
😄 😄 😄
What did the apple teacher say to her student?
“Help me orange the chairs please!”
😄 😄 😄
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”
And the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
😄 😄 😄
Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?
They have greater potential.
😄 😄 😄
The physics student asks to go to the bathroom. Professor asks, “Liquid, Solid or Gas?”
😄 😄 😄
A physics student asks his teacher, “Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?”
The teacher answers, “Let me see if I can pull some strings for you.”
😄 😄 😄
A 6th-grade teacher posed the following problem to one of her arithmetic classes, “A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?”
After a very long silence in the classroom, one little boy raised his hand.
With complete sincerity in his voice, he answered, “A lawyer!”
😄 😄 😄
The crosseyed history teacher could not control her pupils.
😄 😄 😄
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad.
It was tearable.
😄 😄 😄
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it.
A student handed in his work with “The Magna Carta was signed in 1215” written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, “Why did you write this?”
The boy replied, “Because you always say that history repeats itself!”
😄 😄 😄
When the history teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said:
“Need Tudoring?”
😄 😄 😄
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren’t paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, “Don’t you understand the gravity of this situation!”
😄 😄 😄
When the student asked the history teacher what questions would be there for the history exam, she answered “The past”.
😄 😄 😄
The teacher asks Little Johnny if he knows his numbers.
“Yes,” he says, “my daddy taught me.”
“Can you tell me what comes after three?”
“Four,” answers Little Johnny.
“What comes after six?”
“Seven,” answers Little Johnny.
“Very good,” says the teacher. “Your father did a very fine job. What comes after ten?”
“A jack,” answers Little Johnny.
😄 😄 😄
Two college students accidentally miss the math final exam.
The next day, they both went to plead with their professor. He was feeling pretty good that day so he allowed them to retake it. He told them to both come back tomorrow for an oral exam.
When they both showed up, he told one of them to wait outside while he tested the other. So one enters and the other puts his ear to the door to listen.
The professor begins asking the question, “You are riding in a train car and you get too hot. What do you do?”
The student replies, “I open the window.”
“OK. Now that window is 2 feet wide and 3 feet high. The train is traveling 50 mph going north and the wind is blowing at 15 mph due east. How long will it take for new air to replace the old air in the car?”
The student is clearly confused by this difficult question and just answers, “I don’t know.”
So the professor gives him an F, dismisses him, and calls in his friend.
He begins asking his friend, “You are riding in a train car and it gets too hot. What do you do?”
He says, “I will take my jacket off.” “OK. But it’s still too hot. What do you do?”
“I take my shirt off.”
“I understand but it’s very, very hot.”
“I will just get naked.”
“OK. But there are people in the car who will see you get naked.”
“With all respect, professor,” said the student, “I don’t care if my grandmother and my priest are there, there’s no way I’m opening that darn window!”
😄 😄 😄
Why did the pun fail his English class?
He didn’t use proper pun-ctuation.
😄 😄 😄
Why doesn’t an owl study for a test?
They prefer to wing it.
😄 😄 😄
What’s an owl’s favorite subject at school?
Owl-gebra.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the broken leg go to school?
It wanted to learn how to breakdance.
😄 😄 😄
The phone rang in the principal’s office.
Principal: “Hello?”
Caller: “Umm, yes, hi, my son won’t be coming to school today because he’s got the flu.”
Principal: “OK, and who may I ask is speaking?”
Caller: “Umm, my dad.”
😄 😄 😄
“The word of the day is ‘contagious’,” said the teacher. “Who can use it in a sentence?”
Little Jenny stood up and said, “My dad has a cold and said it’s contagious.”
The teacher praised Jenny and ask for an example from another student.
Billy stood up and said, “Miss, my mum has the flu, and I think it’s contagious.”
Happy with Billy’s response, the teacher asked for one more student to stand up and give an example.
Little Johnny stood up, “Miss, my next door neighbor is painting his house with a 1-inch brush and my dad said it’s going to take the contagious.”
😄 😄 😄
How is the submarine doing at school?
It’s below c-level.
😄 😄 😄
What happens to witches who break the school rules?
They get ex-spelled.
😄 😄 😄
What is Harry Potter’s favorite subject in school?
Spelling.
😄 😄 😄
Why do Troy State students have such beautiful noses?
They’re hand picked.
😄 😄 😄
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life.
However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it’s an auto-biography.
😄 😄 😄
On Teachers’ Day, why did the student gift his Maths teacher a flight ticket to New York City?
To visit his favorite spot, Times Square.
😄 😄 😄
Where did the vampire teacher throw the Teachers’ Day party?
In Pencilvania.
😄 😄 😄
On the occasion of Teachers’ Day, the teacher was having a casual chat with his students.
Teacher: “Neil, what do you want to be when you grow up?”
Neil: “Sir, I want to be just like you.”
Teacher, impressed: “And why is that?”
Neil: “Because even I love doing nothing.”
😄 😄 😄
Teacher: “Class! We will have only half a day of school this morning due to Teachers’ Day.”
Class: “Hooorraaaayyy!”
Teacher: “We will have the other half, this afternoon.”
😄 😄 😄
How was the cyclops so effective that she was awarded the best teacher award on Teachers’ Day?
She only had one pupil!
😄 😄 😄
An English teacher was getting late for school on Teachers’ Day.
Suddenly, a cop pulled him over and asked for papers.
He gladly gave him all of his students’ essays to grade and drove off.
😄 😄 😄
How is Teachers’ Day, a day of rest?
The rest of the laundry, the rest of the housework, and grading the rest of the papers.
😄 😄 😄
Why was the teacher late for school on Teachers’ Day?
She took the Rhombus.
😄 😄 😄
A former Sergeant in the Marine Corps took a new job as a high school teacher.
Just before the school year started, he injured his back. He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn’t noticeable.
On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school.
The smart punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and he knew they would be testing his discipline in the classroom.
Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.
There was dead silence... The rest of the year went quite smoothly.
😄 😄 😄
Teacher: “Class, choose between money and brain.”
Akpos: “I’d go for the money!”
Teacher: “I’d go for brain!”
Akpos: “Well, everybody goes for what he doesn’t have.”
😄 😄 😄
Teacher: “If your father has $10, and you
asked for $5, how much will your father
have?”
Akpos: “$10.”
Teacher: “You don’t know maths.”
Akpos: “You don’t know my father!”
😄 😄 😄
