School Jokes



Enjoy our team's carefully selected School Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



School Jokes


Why did the broken leg go to school?

It wanted to learn how to breakdance.

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Funny Short Jokes on School



The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large tray of hot dogs.

The nun posted a sign on the hot dog tray โ€œTake only one, God is watchingโ€.

Further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

One child whispered to another, โ€œTake all you want. God is watching the hot dogs.โ€

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Guess who I saw at school today?

Everyone I looked at.

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Santa Clauseโ€™s elves went to school, guess what they learned?

The elfabets.

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What is the best college to apply to learn about solar radiation?

U.V. Ray.

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Sunday school teacher: โ€œTell me, Johnny. Do you say prayers before eating?โ€

Johnny: โ€œNo, maโ€™am, I donโ€™t have to. My momโ€™s a good cook.โ€

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An accountancy student asks a partner to explain ethics in accountancy.

The partner thinks for a moment and relates the following, โ€œMr. Jones, one of our clients, came to see me last week and paid me his bill of ยฃ1,000 in cash. As he left I counted the notes and they came to ยฃ1,100.โ€

The student said, โ€œI see. The ethics question is โ€˜Do I tell the client?โ€™โ€

โ€œWrong answer! The question is โ€˜Do I tell my partner?โ€™โ€

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A mugger jumps out in front of a university student and shouts, โ€œYour money or your life!โ€

The student keeps walking and says, โ€œSorry mate, Iโ€™m a computer science student. I donโ€™t have either.โ€

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What do you do when no one laughs at your science jokes?

Keep trying until you get a reaction.

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In high school, teachers had to raise their hand to speak to Chuck Norris.

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The judge rose from the bench and said, โ€œMadam, Iโ€™ve waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court.โ€

Then he smiled as he said, โ€œNow, sit down at that table and write 500 times โ€˜I will not pass through a red light.โ€™โ€

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Math teacher: โ€œJames, what do you get when you subtract 897 from 1824 and add 176 and divide the answer by 3?โ€

James: โ€œA Headache maโ€™am.โ€

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Why donโ€™t Romans find algebra interesting?

X is always 10.

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โ€œDad, I donโ€™t want to go to school today,โ€ said the boy.

โ€œWhy not, son?โ€

โ€œWell, one of the chickens on the school farm died last week and we had chicken soup for lunch the next day. Then three days ago one of the pigs died and we had roast pork the next day.โ€

โ€œBut why donโ€™t you want to go today?โ€

โ€œBecause our English teacher died yesterday!โ€

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Mrs. Lewis, a Sunday school teacher, asked her little children one Easter Sunday, as they were on the way to the church service, โ€œAnd why is it necessary to be quiet in church?โ€

Rebecca, a bright little girl piped up, โ€œBecause people are sleeping!โ€

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In Jewish doctrine, when does a fetus become a human?

When it graduates from medical school.

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During a Sunday school lesson, a child learned about how God created human beings.

The child became especially focused when the teacher explained how Eve was created from Adamโ€™s ribs.

Later in the week, the boyโ€™s mother saw him lying down on the floor, so she asked him what was wrong.

His reply was priceless, โ€œMom, I have a pain in my sideโ€”I think Iโ€™m getting a wife.โ€

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Little Johnnyโ€™s teacher is doing her rounds at lunchtime when she sees little Johnny pulling faces at another child.

She starts to talk sternly to Little Johnny and says, โ€œJohnny, when I was a young girl I was told that if I made ugly faces and the wind changed, my face would stay that way.โ€

Little Johnny looks up to her and says, โ€œWell miss, you canโ€™t say that you werenโ€™t warned.โ€

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Teacher: โ€œWhich book has helped you the most in your life?โ€

Student: โ€œMy fatherโ€™s checkbook.โ€

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School Jokes for Adults



Girl: โ€œWhat if a boy hugs me?โ€

Mom: โ€œSay โ€˜donโ€™tโ€™.โ€

Girl: โ€œWhat if he kisses me?โ€

Mom: โ€œSay โ€˜stopโ€™.โ€

The next day when the girl goes to school her boyfriend hugs and kisses her well so she says as her mother told her to do and she quickly said DONโ€™T STOP!

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Little Ahmed is doing his biology homework.

He comes upon a question:

What separates the head from the body?

Ahmed answers:

The axe.

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When is the first math homework problem mentioned in the Bible?

When God told Adam and Eve to go forth and multiply.

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A kid from Mississippi is on Harvard campus for the first time, he stops a student and asks, โ€œExcuse me, can you tell me where the library is at?โ€

The Harvard student replies, โ€œAt Harvard, you donโ€™t end a sentence with a preposition.โ€

The kid said, โ€œSorry about that. Can you tell me where the library is at, asshole?โ€

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Math teacher: โ€œIf I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?โ€

Student: โ€œA drinking problem.โ€

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At school, Little Johnnyโ€™s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so itโ€™s very easy to blackmail them by saying โ€œI know the whole truthโ€.

Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.

Johnnyโ€™s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, โ€œI know the whole truth.โ€

His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, โ€œJust donโ€™t tell your father.โ€

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, โ€œI know the whole truth.โ€

The father promptly hands him $40 and says, โ€œPlease donโ€™t say a word to your mother.โ€

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door.

The boy greets him by saying, โ€œI know the whole truth.โ€

The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, โ€œThen come give your Daddy a great big hug!โ€

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Little Johnny was sitting in class one day and the teacher was talking about life.

She asks him: โ€œLittle Johnny, what do you want your wife to be like?โ€

He: โ€œLike the moon.โ€

The teacher: โ€œThatโ€™s such a beautiful answer because it's calm and peacefulโ€.

Little Johnny: โ€œNo, because it appears at night and disappears in the morning.โ€

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Funny Jokes About School One-Liners



Chocolate is like guns.

If you pull it out in school, then everybody is suddenly your friend.

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Relationships are a lot like algebra.

Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

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I am pretty sure that my algebra teacher is secretly a pirate.

He constantly is trying to find X.

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Teachers deserve a lot of credit.

Of course, if we paid them more, they wouldnโ€™t need it.

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My English teacher used to quote Lord of the Rings to us.

She used to say โ€œYou shall not pass!โ€

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I said to my teacher, โ€œI donโ€™t think I deserved a zero for this exam.โ€

She said, โ€œI agree, but I couldnโ€™t give you any less.โ€

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I complained to my math teacher that it was too cold in the classroom.

He told me to stand in the corner. Because the corner is 90 degrees.

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Never fight a math teacher. Youโ€™ll always be outnumbered.

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Dear Math,

I am sick and tired of finding your โ€œxโ€. Just accept the fact that sheโ€™s gone. Move on dude.

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I was trying to solve a few equations about circles. Guess what?

It was pointless.

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My wife gave birth four times and still fits in her prom dress from high school.

I gave birth 0 times and I havenโ€™t fit in my pants since March.

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Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves.

Finally, my high school karate lessons paid off.

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Back to School Jokes



A young Jewish mom walks her son to the school bus corner on his first day of kindergarten.

โ€œBehave, my bubaleh,โ€ she says.

โ€œTake good care of yourself and think about your mother, tataleh!โ€

โ€œAnd come right back home on the bus, schein kindaleh.โ€

โ€œYour mommy loves you a lot, my ketsaleh!โ€

At the end of the school day, the bus comes back and she runs to her son and hugs him.

โ€œSo what did my pupaleh learn on his first day of school?โ€

The boy answers, โ€œI learned my name is David.โ€

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Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school.

Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.

โ€œWait a minute,โ€ she said. โ€œI had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved.โ€

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It was the first day of school.

Harryโ€™s mother went into his bedroom and said, โ€œCome on Harry, get up now. You have to go to school today.โ€

โ€œBut I donโ€™t want to go to school,โ€ replied Harry, โ€œI want to stay in bed. Why do I have to go to school?โ€

โ€œBecause,โ€ answered his mother, โ€œyouโ€™re a teacher!โ€

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Dumb School Jokes



Why didnโ€™t the zombie go to school?

He felt rotten!

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Why do pumpkins do poorly in school?

Because eventually they end up with all their brains scooped out.

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Guess what I found in the creepy old professorsโ€™ closet?

Narnia business

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Yo mama so dumb her IQ is lower than Jeffy the Puppet.

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Yo mama so fat her school pictures were taken by a satellite.

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Boy: โ€œHey, I like you and I was wondering if you would be my girlfriend.โ€

Girl: โ€œI have a boyfriend.โ€

Boy: โ€œI have a math test tomorrow.โ€

Girl: โ€œWhat does that have to do with anything?โ€

Boy: โ€œI thought we were listing things we could cheat on.โ€

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I told my dad I couldnโ€™t believe Iโ€™d failed my biology exam.

He said, โ€œIโ€™m your mum!โ€

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During a biology exam, a student has to list three pros of breast milk.

Heโ€™s unprepared, but starts looking for common sense answers and writes down:

โ€“ Contains all the nutrients a baby needs.

โ€“ Doesnโ€™t need heating.

But he still needs one more.

And just as the time is about to run out, the student writes:

โ€“ Has great packaging.

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Why is it impossible for students to sleep 8 hours every day?

Because school is only 6 hours a day!

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Why did the student eat his homework?

Because he didnโ€™t have a dog.

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Teacher: โ€œTake a seatโ€.

Student: โ€œWhere do you want me to take it to?โ€

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The science teacher lecturing his class in biology said, โ€œNow Iโ€™ll show you this frog in my pocket.โ€

He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a chicken sandwich.

He looked puzzled for a second, thought deeply, and said, โ€œThatโ€™s funny. I distinctly remember eating my lunch.โ€

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On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, โ€œWhat are your parentsโ€™ names?โ€

The student replied, โ€œMy fatherโ€™s name is Laughing and my motherโ€™s name is Smiling.โ€

The teacher said, โ€œAre you kidding?โ€

The student said, โ€œNo, Kidding is my brother. I am Joking.โ€

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Yo mama so old she rode dinosaurs to school.

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Teacher: โ€œNow class, if you are dumb, please stand up.โ€

No one stands up.

Teacher: โ€œOh cโ€™mon. I know someone over here is dumb.โ€ Waves her finger around the left side of the room.

Little Johnny stands up.

Teacher: โ€œOh, Johnny, you think youโ€™re dumb?โ€

Little Johnny: โ€œNo, I just feel bad youโ€™re standing alone.โ€

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School Jokes for Teachers



Where do kids get ice cream cakes on their birthdays?

At sundae school.

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How did the teacher find out that Shohag copied Danikaโ€™s exam paper?

Because when Danika said โ€œI donโ€™t knowโ€, Shohag said โ€œMe neitherโ€.

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When a teacher closes his eyes, why should it remind him of an empty classroom?

Because there are no pupils to see!

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Why did Johnny take a ruler to bed?

Because he wanted to see how long he slept!

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Dear Students,

I know when you are texting in class. No one just looks down at their crotch and smiles.

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Why did the teacher wear sunglasses in class?

Because the class was so bright!

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Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?

To reach the high notes.

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School Jokes for Kids



Knock! Knock!

โ€œWhoโ€™s there?โ€

โ€œDoughnut.โ€

โ€œDoughnut, who?โ€

โ€œDoughnut forget to do your homework or you will have to go to summer school!โ€

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What would happen if you took the school bus home?

The police would make you bring it back!

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Who should be your best friend at school?

Your princi-pal!

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Why did the boy eat his homework?

Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake.

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My teacher always tells me to follow my dreams, but she wonโ€™t let me sleep in class.

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Whatโ€™s the difference between a teacher and a train?

The teacher says โ€œSpit your gum out!โ€ and the train says โ€œChew, chew!โ€

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Dear math,

Please grow up and solve your own problems, Iโ€™m tired of solving them for you.

Thanks!

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The baby tomato was running late for school. Guess what his mommy said?

โ€œCome on, ketch-up!โ€

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Teacher: โ€œHow far have you gone with your homework, Johnny?โ€

Little Johnny: โ€œAbout 8 kilometers miss. I went home with it and came back with it this morning.โ€

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Long and Funny School Jokes in English



A somewhat advanced society has figured out how to package basic knowledge in pill form.

A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available.

The pharmacist says, โ€œHereโ€™s a pill for English literature.โ€

The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature!

โ€œWhat else do you have?โ€ asks the student.

โ€œWell, I have pills for art history, biology and world history,โ€ replies the pharmacist.

The student asks for these, swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects.

Then the student asks, โ€œDo you have a pill for math?โ€

The pharmacist says, โ€œWait just a moment,โ€ and goes back into the storeroom and brings back a whopper of a pill and plunks it on the counter.

โ€œI have to take that huge pill for math?โ€ inquires the student.

The pharmacist replied, โ€œWell, you know... math always was a little hard to swallow.โ€

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On his 16th birthday, I thought my son deserved to know the truth about his being adopted.

So when he got home from school, I said to him, โ€œSteve, do you mind sitting down, Iโ€™ve got something to tell you.โ€

โ€œDad, guess what?!โ€ he shouted excitedly.

โ€œSteve, this is important.โ€ I urged.

โ€œNo way, Dad. Listen!โ€

โ€œSteve. Please. Donโ€™t make this hard for me. Itโ€™s about your mum and me.โ€

โ€œDad! Shut up! Iโ€™ve just won ยฃ250,000 on a scratch card!โ€

โ€œThatโ€™s amazing son! Your old Dadโ€™s really made up for you!โ€

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There was a statistics teacher who would always accelerate hard when driving through intersections and then slow down after passing through.

One day he drove a colleague to work who was noticeably uncomfortable with his driving.

The colleague asked, โ€œWhy do you always drive so fast through intersections?โ€

To which the statistics teacher responded, โ€œWell, statistically speaking, youโ€™re more likely to have an accident in an intersection, so I make sure to get through them as fast as possible!โ€

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A proctologist had been in practice for 20 years and had settled into a very comfortable life with his future very secure. So he decided to fulfill his REAL dream and become an auto mechanic.

Having entered mechanic school, the former physician received the results of his first test back with a score of 200%.

Confused, he asked the teacher why his score was so high.

โ€œWellโ€, said the teacher, โ€œthe first part was taking the engine apart and you did that perfectly, so you got 50%. The second was to put it back together again and you did it perfectly and got another 50%. The other 100% was for doing it through the tailpipe.โ€

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Student: โ€œ503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?โ€

Teacher: โ€œ502.โ€

Student: โ€œHow do you put an elephant in a fridge?โ€

Teacher: โ€œNo you canโ€™t fit an elephant in a fridge!โ€

Student: โ€œJust open the door, put the elephant in, close the door.โ€

Student: โ€œHow do you put a giraffe in the fridge?โ€

Teacher: โ€œOpen the door, put the giraffe in, close the door.โ€

Student: โ€œNo! Open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close the door.โ€

Student: โ€œThe Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?โ€

Teacher: โ€œThe lion?โ€

Student: โ€œNo! The giraffe because heโ€™s in a fridge.โ€

Student: โ€œSally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?โ€

Teacher: โ€œSally stepped on the alligator's mouth?โ€

Student: โ€œThe gators are at the party.โ€

Student: โ€œBut Sally dies anyway. Why?โ€

Teacher: โ€œShe drowned?!โ€

Student: โ€œNo! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.โ€

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More School Jokes



Why did the pun fail his English class?

He didnโ€™t use proper pun-ctuation.

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Why doesnโ€™t an owl study for a test?

They prefer to wing it.

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Whatโ€™s an owlโ€™s favorite subject at school?

Owl-gebra.

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The phone rang in the principalโ€™s office.

Principal: โ€œHello?โ€

Caller: โ€œUmm, yes, hi, my son wonโ€™t be coming to school today because heโ€™s got the flu.โ€

Principal: โ€œOK, and who may I ask is speaking?โ€

Caller: โ€œUmm, my dad.โ€

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โ€œThe word of the day is โ€˜contagiousโ€™,โ€ said the teacher. โ€œWho can use it in a sentence?โ€

Little Jenny stood up and said, โ€œMy dad has a cold and said itโ€™s contagious.โ€

The teacher praised Jenny and ask for an example from another student.

Billy stood up and said, โ€œMiss, my mum has the flu, and I think itโ€™s contagious.โ€

Happy with Billyโ€™s response, the teacher asked for one more student to stand up and give an example.

Little Johnny stood up, โ€œMiss, my next door neighbor is painting his house with a 1-inch brush and my dad said itโ€™s going to take the contagious.โ€

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How is the submarine doing at school?

Itโ€™s below c-level.

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What happens to witches who break the school rules?

They get ex-spelled.

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What isย Harry Potterโ€™s favorite subject in school?

Spelling.

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Why do Troy State students have such beautiful noses?

Theyโ€™re hand picked.

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My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life.

However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.

I guess you can say itโ€™s an auto-biography.

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On Teachersโ€™ Day, why did the student gift his Maths teacher a flight ticket to New York City?

To visit his favorite spot, Times Square.

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Where did the vampire teacher throw the Teachersโ€™ Day party?

In Pencilvania.

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On the occasion of Teachersโ€™ Day, the teacher was having a casual chat with his students.

Teacher: โ€œNeil, what do you want to be when you grow up?โ€

Neil: โ€œSir, I want to be just like you.โ€

Teacher, impressed: โ€œAnd why is that?โ€

Neil: โ€œBecause even I love doing nothing.โ€

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Teacher: โ€œClass! We will have only half a day of school this morning due to Teachersโ€™ Day.โ€

Class: โ€œHooorraaaayyy!โ€

Teacher: โ€œWe will have the other half, this afternoon.โ€

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How was the cyclops so effective that she was awarded the best teacher award on Teachersโ€™ Day?

She only had one pupil!

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An English teacher was getting late for school on Teachersโ€™ Day.

Suddenly, a cop pulled him over and asked for papers.

He gladly gave him all of his studentsโ€™ essays to grade and drove off.

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How is Teachersโ€™ Day, a day of rest?

The rest of the laundry, the rest of the housework, and grading the rest of the papers.

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Why was the teacher late for school on Teachersโ€™ Day?

She took the Rhombus.

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A former Sergeant in the Marine Corps took a new job as a high school teacher.

Just before the school year started, he injured his back. He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasnโ€™t noticeable.

On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school.

The smart punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and he knew they would be testing his discipline in the classroom.

Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.

There was dead silence... The rest of the year went quite smoothly.

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Teacher: โ€œClass, choose between money and brain.โ€

Akpos: โ€œIโ€™d go for the money!โ€

Teacher: โ€œIโ€™d go for brain!โ€

Akpos: โ€œWell, everybody goes for what he doesnโ€™t have.โ€

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Teacher: โ€œIf your father has $10, and you

asked for $5, how much will your father

have?โ€

Akpos: โ€œ$10.โ€

Teacher: โ€œYou donโ€™t know maths.โ€

Akpos: โ€œYou donโ€™t know my father!โ€

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