Sailor Puns and Hilarious Sailor Jokes



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Sailor Jokes


My wife was talking about funeral plans.

My Wife: โ€œI said weโ€™ll give you a military send off like the sailors on a ship.โ€

Me: โ€œI was in the Air Force.โ€

My Wife: โ€œOK, weโ€™ll toss you out of an airplane.โ€

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My Papa was a World War 2 Navy veteran, and he used to boast about how he saved 300+ sailors from dying from an excruciating death.

He shot the cook.

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A sailor was drilling holes in an oligarchโ€™s yacht.

A police officer approaches the sailor and asks him what he is doing.

The sailor puts down the drill and says, โ€œOh, me? Uhhhm... as a matter of fact, I am here to bless the ship.โ€

The police officer looks skeptical, โ€œYouโ€™re here to bless the ship?โ€

Sailor: โ€œYes, thatโ€™s right! I am making it very holy.โ€

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One fine day, brave Captain Smith and his crew of sailors were sailing the ocean blue.

Suddenly, on the horizon, there loomed a ship with a skull and crossbones raised on the mast.

The crew was frantic, seeking refuge and asking the captain what to do.

Brave Captain Smith looked at the approaching ship for a moment and said, โ€œBring me my red shirt.โ€

The call was taken up at once by a cabin boy. As soon as Captain Smith had the shirt in his possession, he ordered the man at the wheel to head straight for the pirate ship. In the ensuing fight, the pirate ship was all but destroyed.

The sailors were recounting their individual triumphs afterward when someone asked Captain Smith why he had asked for his red shirt before the battle.

He responded, โ€œIf I was wounded, I did not want your confidence to wane. This way, you would keep fighting no matter what happened to me.โ€

The crew had a newfound admiration for its captain, and they talked all night about his bravery.

About a week later, there loomed on the horizon 10 pirate ships. Once again, the crew looked to its captain for leadership. Calmly, Captain Smith said, โ€œBoys, bring me my brown pants!โ€

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The crusty navy chief noticed a new face and barked at him, โ€œGet over here! Whatโ€™s your name, sailor?โ€

โ€œJohn,โ€ the new seaman replied.

โ€œLook, I donโ€™t know what kind ofย foolishness theyโ€™re teaching sailors in boot camp these days, but I donโ€™t call anyone by his first name!โ€ the chief scowled.

โ€œIt breeds familiarity, and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my sailors by their last names only; Smith, Jones, Baker, Jackson, whatever.

And you are to refer to me as โ€˜Chiefโ€™. Do I make myself clear?!โ€

โ€œAye, Aye, Chief!โ€

โ€œNow that weโ€™ve got that straight, whatโ€™s your last name?โ€

The seaman sighed, โ€œDarling, My name is John Darling, Chief.โ€

โ€œOkay, John, hereโ€™s what I want you to do โ€ฆโ€

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Where do sailors go when they feel sick?

The dock-tor.

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How do retired sailors greet each other?

Long time no sea.

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Where do late sailors come from?

Missed-his-shippi.

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A sailor walks into a thrift store after he lost a limb to a giant octopus.

He said, โ€œI heard this is a second-hand shop, where they at?โ€

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What is a sailorโ€™s least favorite vegetable?

Leeks.

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What happens if you throw a Finnish sailor overboard?

Helsinki.

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A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea.

The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch.

The seaman asks, โ€œSo, how did you end up with the pegleg?โ€

The pirate replies, โ€œWe were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off.โ€

โ€œWow!โ€ said the seaman.

โ€œWhat about your hook?โ€

โ€œWell,โ€ replied the pirate, โ€œwe were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemies cut my hand off.โ€

โ€œIncredible!โ€ remarked the seaman.

โ€œHow did you get the eye patch?โ€

โ€œA seagull dropping fell into my eye,โ€ replied the pirate.

โ€œYou lost your eye to a seagull dropping?โ€ the sailor asked incredulously.

โ€œWell,โ€ said the pirate, โ€œit was my first day with my hook...โ€

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