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Jokes on Retirement



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Retirement Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 o’clock in the morning and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


I love being a grandparent in retirement.

I give my grandkids a lot of sugar and then leave them with their parents to deal with them.

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How do you know it’s time to retire?

It’s when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it!

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Albert’s retirement party presentation.

β€œToday we would like to thank Albert for his service to our company.

Albert is someone who does not know the meaning of impossible task, who does not know the meaning of lunch break, who does not understand the meaning of the word no.

So we have clubbed together and bought Albert a dictionary.”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Why don’t retirees mind being called seniors?

The term comes with a 10 percent discount.

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A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his head.

Wife: β€œWhat are you doing dear?”

Husband: β€œSwatting flies. I got three males and two females”

Wife: β€œHow on Earth do you know which gender they were?”

Husband: β€œEasy: three were on the beer, and the other two were on the phone.”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


What would the Terminator be called in his retirement?

The Exterminator.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„





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