Question Jokes
Enjoy our team's carefully selected Question Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
What did the skydiver say in autumn?
I love the fall.
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Why do trees drop their leaves in the fall?
It’s autumn-atic.
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How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to actually change the bulb, and the other to film it so fundamentalists won’t claim that god did it.
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Why did the atheist cross the road?
He thought there might be a street on the other side, but he wouldn’t believe it until he tested his hypothesis.
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Why did the Egyptian architect go to jail?
He was caught planning a pyramid scheme.
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What’s the difference between an architect and an engineer?
If architects built all the buildings, they would fall down on their own.
If engineers built all the buildings, they’d be so ugly, we’d tear them all down.
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What’s the difference between a doctor and an architect?
An architect’s mistakes are there for the world to see, but a doctor buries their mistakes.
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Why can’t you take a picture with a cat in Alabama?
You can’t take a picture with a cat anywhere. You have to use a camera!
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How long does it take to get from Louisiana to Alabama?
One Mississippi.
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Why do Troy State students have such beautiful noses?
They’re hand picked.
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Which country has the worst air force?
Turkey. None of them can fly.
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What do nuns call prison air conditioning?
A convent.
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What is the propeller used for on an airplane?
Many people do not know this, but is actually for air conditioning.
If you ever get to see it when the propeller stops, the pilot suddenly starts sweating.
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Why are artificial intelligences in movies always female?
Because they’re never wrong.
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What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair brown?
Artificial intelligence.
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What do you call an aboriginal hanging in a tree?
Abocado.
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What do you say to an aborigine bloke from Australia who worked in I.T.?
“Do you come from a LAN down under?”
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Who were the first people in Australia to have a six-pack?
The Ab-originals.
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What do you call an aboriginal in a lamp?
An abori-genie.
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What do you call an aboriginal rolling down a hill?
Abolanche.
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What do you call a man with one leg?
Anything you want. He can’t run fast enough to catch you.
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What do you call a dog, with one eye and one leg?
Lucky.
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What does a one-legged man call karate?
Partial Arts.
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Why do one-legged people like beer?
Because it’s made with hops.
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What do you call a Chinese man with one leg?
Tai Wan Shu.
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On Teachers’ Day, why did the student gift his Maths teacher a flight ticket to New York City?
To visit his favorite spot, Times Square.
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Where did the vampire teacher throw the Teachers’ Day party?
In Pencilvania.
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How was the cyclops so effective that she was awarded the best teacher award on Teachers’ Day?
She only had one pupil!
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How is Teachers’ Day, a day of rest?
The rest of the laundry, the rest of the housework, and grading the rest of the papers.
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Why was the teacher late for school on Teachers’ Day?
She took the Rhombus.
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How does the solar system keep its pants from falling down?
It uses an asteroid belt.
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Why do brides cry at the wedding?
Because they never marry the best man.
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What’s the best way to get your husband to remember your anniversary?
Get married on his birthday!
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What happened after the mom purchased a loaf of bread from Albertsons?
By the time she got home, it was toast!
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Why do women like men with beards?
Because they immediately see something that they can change!
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Why don’t men with beards need a vacuum?
Because they already have a crumb catcher on their faces.
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What do you call a gigantic polar bear?
Nothing, you just run away!
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What would happen if you took the school bus home?
The police would make you bring it back!
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Who should be your best friend at school?
Your princi-pal!
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Why did Johnny take a ruler to bed?
Because he wanted to see how long he slept!
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What do you do when no one laughs at your science jokes?
Keep trying until you get a reaction.
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Why did the boy eat his homework?
Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake.
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Why did the teacher wear sunglasses in class?
Because the class was so bright!
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What’s the difference between a teacher and a train?
The teacher says “Spit your gum out!” and the train says “Chew, chew!”
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Why don’t fish like playing basketball?
They are terrified of nets.
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Why don’t Romans find algebra interesting?
X is always 10.
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How do you make a small fortune out of horses?
Start with a large fortune.
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Why did the owner name his racehorse “Bad News”?
Because bad news travels fast.
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Why is the internet like a motor racing crash?
There are spoilers everywhere.
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Why can’t tomatoes win races against lettuce?
Because the lettuce are always a head, and the tomatoes are always trying to ketchup.
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What do you get when you cross a race car with a spud?
Crashed potatoes!
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Why did a dog enter the church in the middle of a religious mass?
Because he was a German shepherd.
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What do you get when you cross a dog and a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
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What do you call a man who falls overboard and can’t swim?
Bob.
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What do you call a woman with a frog on her head?
Lilly.
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What do you call a man who stamps letters at the post office for a living?
Frank.
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What do you call a man who has cat scratches all over his face?
Claude.
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What do you call a man who fixes potholes for a living?
Phil.
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What do you call a lady who is hanging from a roof?
Eve.
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What do you call a man who is always sitting on the toilet?
Lou.
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What do you call a man who is unable to stand up?
Neal.
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What do you call a man who keeps vomiting?
Chuck.
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What do you call a man who is always stealing stuff?
Rob.
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Can you guess what the left eye said to the right eye?
Between you and I, something smells.
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I saw a ghost at the hair salon. Can you guess what she was doing?
Getting a scare-cut!
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Guess why football stadiums are so cool?
Most seats have a fan on them!
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Once there was a bear with no ears, guess what they call it?
A “B”.
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Guess who woke up with 20 missed calls from his ex?
My ex!
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I won a wet t-shirt competition. Guess what I got?
Pneumonia!
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The baby tomato was running late for school. Guess what his mommy said?
“Come on, ketch-up!”
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I was trying to solve a few equations about circles. Guess what?
It was pointless.
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Guess what number of pessimists it takes to screw in a light bulb?
None – they gave up.
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Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
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What do you call London without electricity?
Londoff.
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What is the longest word in the English language?
“Smiles”. Because there is a mile between its first and last letters.
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Why shouldn’t you tell an egg a joke?
Because it might crack up!
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Why was the Easter egg so scared of his father?
His father was hard-boiled.
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Why do we paint Easter eggs?
Because it’s easier than trying to wallpaper them!
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Why was the man with the big nose sad?
He could really smell his feet!
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What’s the worst thing about having a big nose?
Birds are always perching on it!
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Why do anteaters never get colds?
Because their noses are full of anty-bodies!
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What’s worse than having a big nose?
Having a big nose and tiny hands!
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What do you do when you break your leg in two places?
Quit going to those two places!
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Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippie from drowning in the ocean?
He was just too far out, man.
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What does the sun drink out of?
Sun-glasses.
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How much is the moon worth?
One dollar, because it has four quarters.
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What dance do all astronauts know?
The moonwalk.
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Why does nobody trust the man on the moon?
He has a dark side.
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Why did Ms. Moon split up with Mr. Sun?
He never wanted to go out with her at night.
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Which is older, the moon or the sun?
The moon, because it can stay out all night.
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Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
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Why shouldn’t you pick a green alien for your baseball team?
They’re not ripe yet.
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What is an alien’s favorite place on a computer?
The space bar.
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If Martians live on Mars and Venusians live on Venus, who lives on Pluto?
Fleas.
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Why does an alien prefer a light year to a normal year?
Because it has got less calories.
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Why do aliens not eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
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What do you call a Ford Fiesta that ran out of gas?
A Ford Siesta.
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What is a Jews’ biggest dilemma?
Free Pork.
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Why did the Jews wander in the desert for 40 years?
Somebody dropped a shekel!
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Why are synagogues round?
So the Jews can’t hide in the corner when the collection box comes around.
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Why do Jews wear yarmulkes?
Because the hats with little propellers cost extra!
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How do you know when you're on a Jewish golf course?
The players don’t yell “Fore!” they yell “$3.99!”.
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What’s a Jews favorite band?
Nickelback.
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In Jewish doctrine, when does a fetus become a human?
When it graduates from medical school.
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Why do Jews have big noses?
Because the air is free.
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How does every racist joke start?
By looking over your shoulder!
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What’s the difference between an orchestra and a bull?
On the bull the horns are in the front and the asshole is in the back.
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Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.
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Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.
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What did 0 say to 8?
Nice belt!
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How can you tell if an ant is a boy or a girl?
They’re all girls! If they were boys, they’d be uncles.
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What kind of exercise do lazy people do?
Diddly-squats.
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What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummybear.
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What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle?
A tire.
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Why are hockey players like goldfish?
You could tap on the glass and you’d get their attention.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
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Why does a pitcher raise one leg when he throws the ball?
If he raises them both, he’d fall down.
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What do you have against some people?
Well… for example, knives, sticks, daggers, submachine guns, grenades…
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What’s the best thing to put into a pie?
Your teeth!
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Why did the skeleton go to the barbecue?
To get another rib.
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What's the sequel to Mario Sunshine?
Mario Sunburnt!
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What happens to pigs when they stay in the sun too long?
Turn into bacon.
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels.
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Why are there gates around cemeteries?
Because people are dying to get in.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.
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What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
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How many narcissists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. The narcissist holds the light bulb while the rest of the world revolves around him.
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Why are spiders so smart?
They can find everything on the web.
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Air used to be free at the gas station, now it costs 2.50. You want to know why?
Inflation.
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What would the Terminator be called in his retirement?
The Exterminator.
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Why did Neil Armstrong pee right after he made his first step on the moon?
He wanted to go where no man had gone before.
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Why is the moon constantly moody?
She’s just going through a phase.
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What insect comes from the moon?
A Luna Tick!
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What is the first day of the week called in outer space?
Moon-day!
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Why didn’t the skeleton like the Halloween candy?
He didn’t have the stomach for it!
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What do you call a witch’s garage?
A broom closet.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?
When you’re a mouse.
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Why are ghosts terrible liars?
You can see right through them!
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Why don’t mummies have friends?
Because they’re too wrapped up in themselves.
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Where should a 500-pound alien go?
On a diet.
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Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon?
It had great food, but no atmosphere.
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Who is never hungry at Christmas?
The turkey—he’s always stuffed.
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What goes “Oh, Oh, Oh”?
Santa walking backwards!
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Why didn’t Noah ever go fishing?
He only had two worms.
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Which king liked to do things on his own?
Solo-mon.
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Why didn’t the chicken cross the road?
Because there was a KFC on the other side.
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Why did the cat like eating lemons?
Because he was a sourpuss.
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Why are cats better than babies?
Because you only have to change a litter box once a day.
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What does a cat have that no other animal has?
Kittens.
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Why do cats always win video games?
Because they have nine lives!
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Why do cats hate laptops?
They don’t have a mouse.
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Why don’t blondes call 911 when they are in an emergency?
Because they can’t find the number eleven on their phone.
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How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
You tell her a joke on Wednesday.
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Why do golfers prefer a birthday donut over a birthday cake?
Because there is a hole in one.
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Why do some people get heartburn every time they eat a birthday cake?
They always forget to take off the candles.
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How does the German baker greet his customers?
Gluten Morgen!
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Can a dog jump higher than a house?
Well, duh. Houses can’t jump.
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What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?
Oops!
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Why are colds bad criminals?
Because they’re easy to catch.
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What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake!
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Why don’t dogs make good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
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Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers!
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