Pun Jokes for Adults
Enjoy our team's carefully selected Pun Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
A boxer was throwing nothing but right hooks at a punching bag.
His trainer walked up and asked, “What gives?”
The boxer replied, “I’m exercising my rights.”
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Broccoli looks into the trunk of his car.
He sees an extra tire and exclaims, “Oh! I have a-spar-a-gus!”
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Customer: “Waiter! Waiter! What is the moldy stuff?”
Waiter: “That’s a bean taco.”
Customer: “I’m sure it’s been a taco, but what is it now?!?”
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A hot dog and a hamburger are having a drink at the bar.
The hot dog says, “I’ve got some bad news for you and I can either sugarcoat it or give it to you straight.”
The hamburger replies, “Please, beef frank.”
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A guy claims to have made a 20 lb hot dog.
A butcher says, “Ah, that’s bologna.”
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The hot dog asked his friend, “Have you been to the German nightclub yet?”
His friend hadn’t, it was too krauted.
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A yam and a hot dog are having a heart-to-heart.
Yam: “Can I be candied with you?”
Hot dog: “In that case, let me be frank.”
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One place where I lived had unusual sounds at night.
It sounded sort of like hundreds of chickens, but very faint and only under the darkest moon.
Turns out the place had been built over an old egg and chicken farm, which had become haunted by the noises of the deceased chickens.
We had a poultrygeist.
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An Alien visited the Solar system and ate Jupiter.
When asked how it was the Alien replied simply:
“Gastronomical.”
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A Korean martial artist was giving away chocolate bars.
I asked if I could have 2.
He said, “No, you can taek-won-do.”
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Son: “Hey dad, can you guess what is worse than no moon?”
Dad: “No sun?”
Son: “You don’t even want to take a guess?”
Dad: “No sun!”
Son: “You’re so stubborn, the answer is no sun.”
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The arrogant baker declared, “You’ll never hear a complaint about my doughnuts outside this shop window.”
The customer agreed, “It must be the double glazing.”
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As the animals left the ark, Noah told them to go forth and multiply.
After some time, Noah came upon two snakes who were just lying there sunning themselves...
So Noah asked them, “Why aren’t you multiplying?”
The snakes replied, “We can’t, we’re adders.”
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An ice cream, a creme brulee and a slice of cheesecake joined the army, but they abandoned their fellow soldiers on their first deployment.
They are wanted for dessertion.
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“Man, my sinuses are on fire!”
“An allergy?”
“No, a metaphor.”
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My brother wanted a dinosaur as a gift for his birthday.
Then I told him, “They’re all extinct.”
Hearing that, he said, “No, I don’t want a stinky dinosaur.”
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My 2 year old sister’s stinky feet were smelling like cheese.
My dad was wondering what happened, so I told him that she had chee-toes.
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There was a company that sent people to everyone’s homes and claimed that they could track you from your smell.
But they couldn’t do that without your con-scent.
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There was a bad smell coming from a dumpster.
So, my mother made my sister burn some spices to cover it.
She used pap-reek-her.
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I lost my watch at a party once.
An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was harassing some woman at that party.
Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose.
“No one does that to a woman, not on my watch!”
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Two leprechauns are in the forest and one starts eating mushrooms, so the other one says to him, “Are you having fun, Gus?”
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A mushroom walks up to a tomato and asks him out on a date.
As the evening wears on, the tomato is just sitting there, not saying much and looking miserable.
“What’s wrong?” the mushroom says. “Aren’t you enjoying yourself?”
“I guess I’m just not a fun-gi,” says the tomato.
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Whilst holidaying in France I saw a group of mushrooms performing Queen covers.
I said, “You’re brilliant, what’s the band called?”
They replied, “We are the Champignons, my friend.”
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Fourteen mushrooms were sitting at a lunch table. One more asked to join.
One of them said, “Sorry there is not mush-room.”
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So a mushroom walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “We don’t serve mushrooms here. You’re always ruining jokes.”
The mushroom says, “Come on. I’m a fun-gi.”
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Scientists say they may be able to synthesize a completely clean biofuel using the enzymes in finely shredded fungi, such as mushrooms...
Some critics have questioned the ethics of the process, but admit they are comforted by the researchers’ strong morel fiber.
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Two mushrooms were talking about politics.
One mushroom said, “I think that women shouldn’t be allowed to vote.”
The other said, “That’s a shiitake.”
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A man was deathly allergic to mushrooms.
After a huge fight, his wife cooked a mushroom into his dinner. He ate it and died.
The morel of the story... killed him.
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Patient: “Doctor, doctor! I’ve swallowed my money!”
Doctor: “Take this, and we’ll see if there’s any change in the morning.”
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My friend was telling me about a wedding he is going to next year.
He said he’ll be wearing the same kilt as the groom.
I love the idea, but I’m really not sure how they’re both going to fit into it.
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I said to my wife, “Did you hear my last pun?”
She replied, “I hope so!”
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A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “Hey.”
The horse said, “Nah, just beer, please. I just ate.”
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A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender asked him, “Why the long face?”
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I complained to my math teacher that it was too cold in the classroom.
He told me to stand in the corner. Because the corner is 90 degrees.
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