Psychology Jokes

Enjoy our team's carefully selected Psychology Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!

Psychology Jokes

Why did the astronaut go to therapy with Uranus?

It had too many emotional craters.

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A man goes to a marriage counselor all by himself.

Confused, the marriage counselor says, โ€œThis is quite odd, as usually this works better when both partners attend therapy together. Since you already paid for this session, I guess we will just have to pretend she is here and role play. Iโ€™ll be your wife.โ€

The man instantly stiffens up and looks very nervous.

Counselor: โ€œHoney, are you not happy in our marriage?โ€

Man: โ€œI canโ€™t complain about that.โ€

Counselor: โ€œIs it the relations?โ€

Man: โ€œI canโ€™t complain about that either.โ€

Counselor: โ€œWell, is it the way I treat you?โ€

Man: โ€œNope. Definitely canโ€™t complain about that.โ€

Getting frustrated about the lack of any insight, the counselor breaks character and says, โ€œI donโ€™t think this is really going anywhere without your wife present. Why donโ€™t you bring her with you?โ€

Man: โ€œNo, that wonโ€™t work at all. It has to be just you and me. No role playing, either.โ€

Counselor: โ€œWell, why is that?โ€

Man: โ€œTo you, I can complain!โ€

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The therapist said to me, โ€œYour wife has complained that you never buy her flowers, what do you say to that?โ€

I said, โ€œTo be honest, I had no idea my wife even sold flowers.โ€

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The couples therapist said, โ€œSo, tell me what brings you here today?โ€

My wife said, โ€œItโ€™s really difficult to live with him. Heโ€™s so literal.โ€

I said, โ€œMy truck.โ€

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My therapist told me to write letters to people I hated and then burn them.

Iโ€™ve done that, but now what do I do with the letters?

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Whatโ€™s the human psychology behind all this toilet paper hoarding?

Thatโ€™s just how we roll.

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A psychology professor starts his lecture by telling the students, โ€œToday weโ€™ll learn about the three stages of human emotion: surprise, irritation, and rage.โ€

With that, he takes his phone out of his pocket, puts it on speaker, and dials a random number.

โ€œHello, may I please speak to Dave?โ€ says the professor when the other person answers.

โ€œNo, Iโ€™m sorry, you have the wrong number,โ€ says the person on the other end.

โ€œYou see that students, thatโ€™s surprise. Now allow me to show you what irritation sounds like.โ€

He picks up the phone again, and dials the same number.

When it answers, the professor asks, โ€œHi, can Dave come to the phone?โ€

โ€œI told you you have the wrong number!โ€

โ€œThatโ€™s irritation, my friends,โ€ says the professor. โ€œNow, letโ€™s look at what rage looks like.โ€

He picks up the phone and dials the number again.

When it answers he asks, โ€œIs Dave available?โ€


โ€œAnd thatโ€™s rage.โ€

โ€œProfessor, you forgot the fourth stage,โ€ says a young man in the front row.

โ€œAnd what might that be?โ€ asks the professor.

โ€œItโ€™s called the stage of total confusion. Allow me to demonstrate.โ€

He comes up to the podium, takes the professorโ€™s phone and dials the same number.

โ€œHello, this is Dave, has somebody called me today?โ€

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My wife has a minor in psychology.

I guess you could say sheโ€™s a little...


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Johnny paid his way through college by waiting in a restaurant.

โ€œWhatโ€™s the usual tip?โ€ asked a customer.

โ€œWell,โ€ said Johnny, โ€œThis is my first day, but the other guys said that, if I got five dollars out of you, Iโ€™d be doing great.โ€

โ€œIs that so?โ€ growled the customer. โ€œIn that case, hereโ€™s twenty dollars.โ€

โ€œThanks. Iโ€™ll put it in my college fund,โ€ Johnny said.

โ€œBy the way, what are you studying?โ€ asked the customer.

โ€œApplied psychology.โ€

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Iโ€™m writing a book about reverse psychology.

Please donโ€™t buy it.

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Wife to therapist: โ€œHe always misunderstands simple questions.โ€

Therapist to husband: โ€œWhat does she mean?โ€

Husband: โ€œItโ€™s a feminine pronoun.โ€

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Dating me is like dating your therapist who is also your mom and is also very disappointed in you.

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I have degrees in Politics, Economics and Psychology.

I donโ€™t have a job, but at least I know why.

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The relationship between a man and a woman is a psychological one.

The woman is psycho, the man is logical.

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My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start.

So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake.

I feel better already.

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What did the therapist say to the moon?

Donโ€™t worry, youโ€™re just going through a phase.

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