Enjoy our team's carefully selected Psychology Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
Why did the astronaut go to therapy with Uranus?
It had too many emotional craters.
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A man goes to a marriage counselor all by himself.
Confused, the marriage counselor says, “This is quite odd, as usually this works better when both partners attend therapy together. Since you already paid for this session, I guess we will just have to pretend she is here and role play. I’ll be your wife.”
The man instantly stiffens up and looks very nervous.
Counselor: “Honey, are you not happy in our marriage?”
Man: “I can’t complain about that.”
Counselor: “Is it the relations?”
Man: “I can’t complain about that either.”
Counselor: “Well, is it the way I treat you?”
Man: “Nope. Definitely can’t complain about that.”
Getting frustrated about the lack of any insight, the counselor breaks character and says, “I don’t think this is really going anywhere without your wife present. Why don’t you bring her with you?”
Man: “No, that won’t work at all. It has to be just you and me. No role playing, either.”
Counselor: “Well, why is that?”
Man: “To you, I can complain!”
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The therapist said to me, “Your wife has complained that you never buy her flowers, what do you say to that?”
I said, “To be honest, I had no idea my wife even sold flowers.”
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The couples therapist said, “So, tell me what brings you here today?”
My wife said, “It’s really difficult to live with him. He’s so literal.”
I said, “My truck.”
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My therapist told me to write letters to people I hated and then burn them.
I’ve done that, but now what do I do with the letters?
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What’s the human psychology behind all this toilet paper hoarding?
That’s just how we roll.
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A psychology professor starts his lecture by telling the students, “Today we’ll learn about the three stages of human emotion: surprise, irritation, and rage.”
With that, he takes his phone out of his pocket, puts it on speaker, and dials a random number.
“Hello, may I please speak to Dave?” says the professor when the other person answers.
“No, I’m sorry, you have the wrong number,” says the person on the other end.
“You see that students, that’s surprise. Now allow me to show you what irritation sounds like.”
He picks up the phone again, and dials the same number.
When it answers, the professor asks, “Hi, can Dave come to the phone?”
“I told you you have the wrong number!”
“That’s irritation, my friends,” says the professor. “Now, let’s look at what rage looks like.”
He picks up the phone and dials the number again.
When it answers he asks, “Is Dave available?”
“LISTEN, YOU IDIOT. IF YOU CALL THIS NUMBER AGAIN, I’LL COME OVER, BREAK THAT PHONE IN HALF AND SHOVE IT WHERE THE SUN DON’T SHINE!!!”
“And that’s rage.”
“Professor, you forgot the fourth stage,” says a young man in the front row.
“And what might that be?” asks the professor.
“It’s called the stage of total confusion. Allow me to demonstrate.”
He comes up to the podium, takes the professor’s phone and dials the same number.
“Hello, this is Dave, has somebody called me today?”
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My wife has a minor in psychology.
I guess you could say she’s a little...
Psycho.
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Johnny paid his way through college by waiting in a restaurant.
“What’s the usual tip?” asked a customer.
“Well,” said Johnny, “This is my first day, but the other guys said that, if I got five dollars out of you, I’d be doing great.”
“Is that so?” growled the customer. “In that case, here’s twenty dollars.”
“Thanks. I’ll put it in my college fund,” Johnny said.
“By the way, what are you studying?” asked the customer.
“Applied psychology.”
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I’m writing a book about reverse psychology.
Please don’t buy it.
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Wife to therapist: “He always misunderstands simple questions.”
Therapist to husband: “What does she mean?”
Husband: “It’s a feminine pronoun.”
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Dating me is like dating your therapist who is also your mom and is also very disappointed in you.
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I have degrees in Politics, Economics and Psychology.
I don’t have a job, but at least I know why.
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The relationship between a man and a woman is a psychological one.
The woman is psycho, the man is logical.
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My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start.
So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake.
I feel better already.
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What did the therapist say to the moon?
Don’t worry, you’re just going through a phase.
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