Psychiatry Jokes



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Psychiatry Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



Psychiatry Jokes


A cargo airplane is transporting patients from a mental hospital.

The patients are going all crazy in the cargo, playing a soccer with an invisible ball.

The pilot has had enough of it, tells the copilot to guide the plane, and goes in the back to make them stop the noise.

They stop, the pilot returns to the cabin, but after 5 minutes, it starts all over again.

The pilot asks the copilot to give it a shot at calming the patients down.

The copilot goes in the back, the noise stops, and he returns to the cabin.

Half an hour later, the plane is quiet.

The pilot is impressed and asks the copilot how he did it.

The copilot replies, β€œI told them: Soccer is not allowed indoors. You have to take it outside.”

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Man goes to a psychiatrist and tells him that he thinks he can see into the future.

The doctor asks, β€œWhen did this start?”

The patient replies, β€œNext Tuesday.”

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On the way to the therapist, I said to my wife, β€œYou’re going to bring up my obsession with predicting the future, aren’t you?”

She said, β€œYeah.”

I said, β€œI knew it!”

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My therapist told me my narcissism causes me to misread social situations.

I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.

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Why did the moth go to the psychiatrist’s office?

The porch light was on.

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Why don’t you hear psychiatrists when they go to the bathroom?

The p is silent.

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How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

It only takes one, but it takes a long time and the light bulb has to want to change.

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A guy barges into a psychiatrist’s office and screams, β€œDoctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!”

The doctor calmly answers, β€œPay me in advance.”

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A psychiatrist finds a man lying by the road who has been robbed and beaten senseless.

The psychiatrist says, β€œMy god, whoever did this needs help!”

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My psychiatrist said I have a narcissistic personality.

I don’t know what that means, but must be pretty good if I’ve got it.

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My therapist says I’m narcissistic.

How can someone who’s perfect be narcissistic?

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My doctor said that my narcissistic tendencies cause me to misread social interactions.

I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.

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β€œDoctor,” a man told his psychiatrist, β€œmy wife thinks I’m crazy because I like sausages.”

β€œThat’s nonsense,” said the psychiatrist. β€œI like sausages myself.”

β€œYou do!” the man shrieked. β€œYou should come and see my collection, I’ve got thousands!”

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Your mama so ugly the psychiatrist makes her lie face down.

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Psychiatrist: β€œWhat seems to be the problem?”

Patient: β€œI think I'm a chicken.”

Psychiatrist: β€œHow long has this been going on?”

Patient: β€œEver since I came out of my shell.”

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