Psychiatrist Jokes
Enjoy our team's carefully selected Psychiatrist Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
Why don’t you hear psychiatrists when they go to the bathroom?
The p is silent.
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How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
It only takes one, but it takes a long time and the light bulb has to want to change.
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A guy barges into a psychiatrist’s office and screams, “Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!”
The doctor calmly answers, “Pay me in advance.”
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A psychiatrist finds a man lying by the road who has been robbed and beaten senseless.
The psychiatrist says, “My god, whoever did this needs help!”
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My psychiatrist said I have a narcissistic personality.
I don’t know what that means, but must be pretty good if I’ve got it.
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My therapist says I’m narcissistic.
How can someone who’s perfect be narcissistic?
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My doctor said that my narcissistic tendencies cause me to misread social interactions.
I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.
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I’ve given up social media for the New Year, and I am trying to make friends outside Facebook while applying the same principles.
Every day, I walk down the street and tell passersby what I’ve eaten, how I feel, what I did the night before, and what I will do tomorrow. Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and me gardening. I also listen to their conversations and tell them I love them.
And it works. I already have three people following me... two police officers and a psychiatrist.
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“Doctor,” a man told his psychiatrist, “my wife thinks I’m crazy because I like sausages.”
“That’s nonsense,” said the psychiatrist. “I like sausages myself.”
“You do!” the man shrieked. “You should come and see my collection, I’ve got thousands!”
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Your mama so ugly the psychiatrist makes her lie face down.
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Psychiatrist: “What seems to be the problem?”
Patient: “I think I'm a chicken.”
Psychiatrist: “How long has this been going on?”
Patient: “Ever since I came out of my shell.”
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