Pregnant Jokes



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Pregnant Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



Pregnant Jokes


What do you call a camel with three humps?

Pregnant.

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My best friend passed away recently, and grieving before his grave I said,

β€œBro, I really miss you. My wife has been pregnant for 8 months now. How about you reincarnate as my child?”

A month later, my wife gave birth to a big boy. As my child grew older each day, I realized he looks a lot like my best friend.

I’m really happy that my prayer worked.

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As an April Fools’ joke, I told my SO that I was pregnant.

Sadly, she didn’t fall for it.

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There was a young pregnant woman. Her dream was for her baby to grow up with perfect manners.

She went to the doctor and asked him how she could make her baby nicer, and he told her to sit down for an hour a day and teach her stomach manners, to prep him or her before the baby is even born.

So every day for the next 9 months, the woman would sit quietly and tell her belly, β€œBe nice to other people, always put others first, and always say please, and thank you.”

She never missed a day in 9 months, and the due date came and went, no baby!

The woman continued to wait for her newborn and continued to teach her belly manners and politeness every day, but as days, weeks, months, and years passed, the baby never came!

Finally, 65 years later when the woman finally passed away in her sleep, the doctors performed an autopsy on her body.

They cut open her belly and found 2 little old men with big long white beards, continually saying to each other:

β€œYou go first!”

β€œNo, you go first!”

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Three pregnant women are chatting in a cafΓ©.

Heather says, β€œI got my ultrasound done yesterday. I’m pregnant with triplets!”

β€œI got mine done yesterday too,” says Linda. β€œI’m pregnant with septuplets!”

β€œI think I’ll get my ultrasound done next week,” says Martha.

The three women chat some more.

Finally, Heather says, β€œI got Disney+ last month. The first movie I watched on it was β€˜The Three Little Pigs’.”

β€œI got Disney+ last month too,” says Linda. β€œThe first movie I watched on it was β€˜Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs’.” When Martha hears this, she instantly goes pale.

β€œIt’s okay if you don’t have Disney+,” says Heather.

β€œI do have it,” says Martha. β€œIt’s just that the first movie I watched on it was β€˜101 Dalmatians’.”

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A man frantically calls the doctor and says, β€œMy wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart now!”

β€œIs this her first child?” the doctor responds.

The man replies, β€œNo! This is her husband!”

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