Jokes About Portugal



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Portugal Jokes


Science is amazing. Some European scientists made a breakthrough and invented an Anti-Thieves Machine. It detects and catches thieves in the streets of various cities around the world with an accuracy of 99.9%!

Naturally, various countries were interested. Germany got 2 machines, France got 3, Greece got 4, Italy got 5, and Portugal, true to its showoff image, got 10.

After one hour, in Germany, 100 thieves were caught. In France, more than 250 thieves were caught. In Greece, more than 350 thieves were caught. In Italy, more than 500 thieves were caught. In Portugal, after 30 minutes, all the machines were stolen.

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Here in Portugal we call bad jokes β€˜dry jokes’. Do you want to see an example?

The desert.

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A rich Arab kid goes to Portugal to study, so his old man buys him a sports car to drive around.

A few days pass, and the father calls the son, β€œHow's it going, son? Are you having fun with your car?”

β€œNo, father. I am ashamed; everyone here gets around by train.”

β€œDon’t embarrass me, son. Buy yourself a train too.”

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Why was Portugal the best colonial power?

Spain had thousands of colonists, Britain had millions, but Portugal had BRAZILIANS.

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What do you call a person from Portugal?

Portuguese.

What do you call a person from Portugal who hangs out in a pub with a pint in his hand on a match day?

Portugeezer.

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The Brazilian president and his spouse are staying at a hotel in the USA, in room 222.

Close to 17:00, he calls room service from the landline and says the following.β€œTu ti, tu tututu.”

The attendant has a hard time understanding the request and, considering that it is the president, not just some regular customer, comes to the conclusion that he must have overheard an encoded message meant for a Brazilian operative currently undercover. He calls the CIA and describes the situation. Shortly after, two agents are dispatched to the location.

After some hours of work and observation, they are unable to decipher any meaning from the encoded message.

The president eventually calls again and says, β€œHello. Tu ti, tu tututu.”

The two agents recorded the enigmatic message and, after some more frustration, decided to call in a specialist in the Portuguese language.

The specialist, after learning of the situation, decides that the best course of action is to go undercover as room service to the president’s room.

When the specialist returned, he explained. β€œAll the president wanted was some tea delivered to his room, Two tea, to two two two.”

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What do you call an extraterrestrial that speaks Portuguese?

A Brazalien.

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What’s a toilet on a Portuguese jetty called?

A porto potty.

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What do you call a Portuguese person all by themself?

A Portugoose.

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A man makes a phone call to an export office in a port in France and asks whether they can ship a 20’ container with live geese properly stored in their appropriate places.

β€œOui, monsieur. What is the destination port for this load?”

β€œI’m sending them to the zoo in Brazil.”

β€œWouldn’t you be better off calling the export office in Portugal?”

β€œWhy is that, sir?”

β€œIf you’re sending them to Brazil to avoid bureaucracy, then you should contact the Portuguese, of course!”

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Chuck Norris speaks English, French, Spanish, Italian, and Portuguese.

At the same time in every sentence.

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What language do Brazilian geese speak?

Portu-geese.

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