Enjoy our team's carefully selected Playing Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
Chuck Norris completed Pokemon Go.
On a landline.
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A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher of 14-year-olds.
On her first day, she comes to watch the kids playing soccer. She watches as they all get together and start playing.
However, she quickly notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
“Are you OK?” she says kindly.
“Yes,” he says.
“You can go and play with the other kids, you know,” she says encouragingly.
“It’s best I stay here,” he says.
“Why’s that, sweetie?” asks the compassionate teacher.
The boy gives her a weird look and says, “Because I’m the goalie.”
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The teacher asks Little Johnny if he knows his numbers.
“Yes,” he says, “my daddy taught me.”
“Can you tell me what comes after three?”
“Four,” answers Little Johnny.
“What comes after six?”
“Seven,” answers Little Johnny.
“Very good,” says the teacher. “Your father did a very fine job. What comes after ten?”
“A jack,” answers Little Johnny.
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Thanksgiving is the day men start getting in shape... to play Santa Claus.
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Easter and April Fools’ are on the same day this year.
For efficiency, send your kids to look for eggs that you haven’t hidden.
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I met a girl last night and after so flirting asked her if she wanted to come home with me to play “Doctor”.
So when we got to my place, I left her sitting on my couch with a bunch of outdated magazines on the end table for 2 1/2 hours before I came out of my bedroom.
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A cargo airplane is transporting patients from a mental hospital.
The patients are going all crazy in the cargo, playing a soccer with an invisible ball.
The pilot has had enough of it, tells the copilot to guide the plane, and goes in the back to make them stop the noise.
They stop, the pilot returns to the cabin, but after 5 minutes, it starts all over again.
The pilot asks the copilot to give it a shot at calming the patients down.
The copilot goes in the back, the noise stops, and he returns to the cabin.
Half an hour later, the plane is quiet.
The pilot is impressed and asks the copilot how he did it.
The copilot replies, “I told them: Soccer is not allowed indoors. You have to take it outside.”
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Two flies are playing soccer on a plate.
One says to the other, “You’d better pick up your game, Louie, we’re playing in the cup tomorrow.”
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Why can’t the UK and the USA play chess anymore?
Because one lost its queen and the other lost its two towers.
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Chuck Norris can play volleyball with a bowlingball.
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Why don’t mermaids play badminton?
They might get caught in the net.
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Watching the first presidential debate was like watching two people who shouldn’t play with legos argue.
One acted like he was under 4 years old and the other acted like he was over 99.
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Chuck Norris once played with Lego.
The result was The Great Pyramids.
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Why don’t dolphins play basketball?
Because there afraid of the net.
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Why do British people love playing chess?
Coz no one can kill their Queen.
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I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park.
It’s just really hard to find thirty-two of them willing to do it.
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What do vampires play bingo with?
Stake money.
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I’ve just booked a table for me and my girlfriend on Valentine’s Day.
I hope she knows how to play snooker.
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Has anyone played that weird Mexican carnival game where groundhogs pop out of holes, and you have to smear them with avocado?
I really suck at guac-a-mole.
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My best mates and I played a game of hiding and seek.
It went on for hours... Well, good friends are hard to find.
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Why do white people not like playing UNO with Mexicans?
They take all the green cards.
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How Chuck Norris plays golf?
He stares at the ball and the ball goes into the hole to hide.
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Your mama’s so short that she can play handball on the curb.
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The moon is so cheeky, it’s always playing lunar-tricks.
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Guess what happened to the man who played board games all his life?
He got bored with playing games!
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A wife said her husband that they should spice up their love life.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
She said, “Let’s do a bit of role-playing. I’ll be the doctor and you be the patient.”
“Alright...” the husband went with it, “How are you, doctor?”
“We have no appointments till November. Goodbye.”
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How do people in the navy work from home?
Play Battleship.
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I went to travel to the meadow where I always used to play when I was a child.
There were familiar scents all over.
It was very nose-talgic.
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I used to play tennis, baseball, basketball and chess, but I stopped after my son broke my PlayStation.
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When I got to work Monday, I was limping something awful. My boss noticed and asked me what had happened.
I told him, “Oh, nothing. It’s just an old football injury that acts up once in a while.”
My boss eyed me suspiciously and said, “Gee, I never knew you played football.”
I said, “Well, I don’t. I hurt it yesterday when I lost $100 on New York Jets. I put my foot through the television...”
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Our computers went down at work today, so I had to play Solitaire with a real deck of cards.
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Why don’t fish like playing basketball?
They are terrified of nets.
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After a prolonged drought when the rain came, all the animals in the forest were happy except the Kangaroo.
When the others asked him what the reason was for such sadness, the Kangaroo revealed that the rain meant that all its kids would now be playing inside.
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A man complains to his wife about not having anyone to play golf with.
His wife said, “Well what about your friend Clyde?”
The man replied, “Would you want to play with someone who cheats on his score and moves the ball when you aren’t looking?”
“No, I guess not,” replied his wife.
The man said, “Neither would Clyde.”
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