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Planet Jokes



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Planet Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



Planet Jokes


Funniest Jokes on the Planet



Why is everyone on Mars considered a communist?

Because they live on the red planet.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Why was Jupiter disqualified from the race between the planets?

He was caught taking asteroids.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Aliens: β€œWe’ve come to destroy the Earth.”

Greta: β€œIt’s a bit late, right?”

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If Martians live on Mars and Venusians live on Venus, who lives on Pluto?

Fleas.

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One alien says to another, β€œThe dominant life forms on the planet earth appear to have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons.”

The second alien replies, β€œAre they an emerging intelligence?”

The first alien says, β€œI don’t think so, they have them aimed at themselves.”

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We really should look into colonizing Mars and other planets or moons.

If you look at the studies, 100% of deaths occur here on earth.

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Planet Jokes for Adults



I just found bacteria growing on my chocolate bar.

I guess there is life on Mars after all.

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NASA has finally announced what would have happened to the earth if the moon wasn’t present.

50% less poems and love songs.

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Yo mama so hairy, when she auditioned for Planet of the Apes, they made her pack leader.

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Yo mama so fat, NASA thought she was a planet.

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Yo mama so fat, her belt is the equator.

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Yo mama so fat, every time she took a step, it caused an earthquake.

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I asked my German friend how many planets are in our Solar System.

Surprisingly he said, β€œNine.”

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Did you know that all the planets in the solar system are named after a god?

Except earth, which is named after all that stuff on the ground.

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Living on Earth might be expensive, but at least you get a free trip around the Sun every year.

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Earth is the third planet from the sun.

By this logic, all countries are third-world countries.

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Uranus Jokes



What would be the first thing communists do if they ruled the solar system?

Rename Uranus to Ouranus.

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NASA sent a probe to all of the planets in our solar system but quit after Uranus...

They found it to be a poophole.

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Saturn and Neptune are the butt cheeks of the solar system.

Uranus is between them.

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Long but Funny Jokes About Planets



An astronaut is the first to step onto an alien planet.

The aliens are so excited that they change all their signs to English, and even rename some of their places and landmarks after Human places and landmarks and things.

The astronaut decides the first place he wants to go is a pub.

He sees a nearby alien and asks, β€œWhere’s the pub?”

The alien gurgles back, but his suit translates to the astronaut in real time. The alien says, β€œJust around the corner.”

The astronaut heads around the corner and sees it.

It’s labeled β€œThe Keyboard” and he asks the bouncer, β€œWhy is it called the Keyboard?”

The bouncer replies, β€œThe boss loves all things human and changed his name to reflect that. Ask him, he’s the bartender.”

So the astronaut enters the Keyboard and goes to the bartender.

β€œExcuse me, do you own this pub?” the astronaut says.

β€œI do,” the bartender gurgles back.

β€œWhy is it called the Keyboard?” the man asks.

β€œWell,” the alien gurgles in reply, β€œsince I knew you humans were coming I updated the name...”

The astronaut is on the edge of his seat.

β€œ...The reason it’s called the Keyboard is because it’s a space bar.”

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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip.

After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

β€œWatson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

Watson replied, β€œI see millions of stars.”

β€œWhat does that tell you?”

Watson pondered for a minute.

β€œAstronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.

Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.

Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke:

β€œWatson, you idiot! Someone has stolen our tent!”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Planet Puns



Why did all the planets give the most attention to the sun?

Because the sun is the center of the universe.

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What did Neptune say to Pluto when they fought?

Comet me, bro.

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Why did Pluto have to go to the dentist?

Because he spotted some black holes.

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Why was it difficult for planets to play golf?

They spotted many black holes.

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How do planets pay each other?

With star bucks.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Why is it most dangerous to go near Mercury?

Because one might die of mercury poisoning.

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Why do people on Earth like the way the planet rotates?

Because it makes their day.

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What is Planet Earth’s favorite dance move?

The moonwalk.

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Why are astronauts difficult to talk to?

Because they are not down to earth.

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Where do all planets go for their higher education?

To the universe-ity.

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What did Mars say to Earth?

Get out of my space!

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What is a planet’s favorite gum?

Orbit.

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What did Earth say to the other planets?

Get a life!

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Why shouldn’t you go to a party on Mars?

There’s no atmosphere!

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Why is Mercury the cleverest planet?

Because it has the most degrees!

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Did you hear about the happy asteroid?

It was over the moon!

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Did you hear they found a pushpin on the largest moon of Saturn?

That’s right.

A tac on Titan.

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What did the IKEA dresser say to the aliens after landing on their planet?

I come in pieces.

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I promised my new girlfriend the sun, the moon and the stars...

So, I took her to the planetarium.

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How do you organize a party for the moon?

You just planet!

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Ganymede left Jupiter and flew out of the solar system last week.

I saw it today in the orbituaries.

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I think Saturn’s name is the best in our solar system.

It has a nice ring to it.

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Planet Jokes for Kids



What did the planets drink when they wanted to bulk up?

Milky Whey.

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Which planet is the richest of them all?

Saturn, because it has many rings.

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What’s the best way to organize a space party?

Planet early!

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What’s a planet’s favorite keyboard key?

The space bar!

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What do planets read?

Comet books!

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The Earth and the Moon were talking.

Earth: β€œMoon, how are you?”

Moon: ...

Earth: β€œMoon! Are you okay??”

Moon: β€œWhat? Sorry I was miles away.”

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An Alien visited the Solar system and ate Jupiter.

When asked how it was the Alien replied simply:

β€œGastronomical.”

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What is an astronaut’s favorite chocolate?

A Mars bar.

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What did the Moon say to Saturn?

Give me a ring sometime!

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How does the solar system keep its pants from falling down?

It uses an asteroid belt.

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Why haven’t aliens visited our Solar System yet?

They looked at the reviews... only 1 star.

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Space Jokes for Adults



I met Buzz Aldrin once and asked how he felt being the second man on the moon.

β€œWell,” he said, β€œit could have been anyone. Right up until we landed, we hadn’t decided who would be first out the door. Then, once we touched down, Neil suggested we toss for it.”

β€œAnd he won?” I said.

β€œWell, no,” he mumbled. β€œThe coin was still in the air when Neil jumped down the ladder. The twat.”

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What does Michael Jackson have in common with NASA?

It’s been decades since their first moonwalk.

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Why did the cow jump over the Harvest Moon?

Because the farmer had cold hands!

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A blonde works in a petrol station filling up cars.

One day, a spaceship with β€œUFO” written on the side lands next to the blonde. The blonde cheerfully fills it with fuel and the spaceship flies off.

The blonde’s boss, shocked, comes out to ask why she filled it up.

β€œDo you know what β€œUFO” stands for?” He asks.

β€œOf course.” She replies, β€œUnleaded Fuel Only.”

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A stupid guy and a smart guy have a job interview.

The smart guy goes into the interview room first and is met by three people on the panel.

The first one asks, β€œWho do you think the best soccer player in the world is?”

The smart guy replies, β€œBefore it was Ronaldo but now it’s Messi.

The second interviewer asks, β€œWhen did the phone come out?”

The smart guy replies, β€œThe first telephone came out in 1876 and the first phone came out in 1973.”

The last interviewer asked, β€œDo you believe in UFOs?”

The smart guy replies, β€œI don’t know, but I think so.”

He leaves and the dumb guy begs him for the answers, and so in the end the smart guy gives them to him.

Unfortunately, the panel of interviews knew that the dumb guy wasn’t that bright so the first one asked, β€œWho is your father?”

The dumb guy replies, β€œBefore it was Ronaldo but now it’s Messi.”

The second interview asks, β€œWhen were you born?”

He replied, β€œI came out at first in 1876 but then I also came out in 1973.”

The last interviewer asked, β€œAre you dumb?”

The dumb guy says, β€œI don’t know, but I think so.”

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Person 1: β€œHey! I see a UFO up there in the sky take a picture now!”

Person 2: β€œWait, I have to get the worst camera I have.”

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What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?

There have been sightings of UFOs.

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If Trump was notified of an alien invasion.

β€œThere’s an alien spacecraft but it’s not on course to earth.”

β€œOur specialists, they’re very special people, have concluded that this is just an alien spaceship making a simple flyby our solar system.”

β€œThe alien ship is getting close to our American soil but there is nothing to worry about.”

β€œThe aliens have landed off the coast of Florida but there is nothing to worry about, they’re just tourists.”

β€œToo many aliens are crossing our borders, we need to build a wall and make them pay for it and we WILL make them pay for it.”

β€œThe aliens are eating our Americans, but don’t worry, they’ll eventually be stopped by our American armed forces in no time. You guys know a lot about aliens, right?”

β€œThere are aliens outside of the white house but they’ll go away soon. We have riot police keeping everything under control.”

β€œThe aliens have entered the white house, but don’t worry, we will negotiate something, and then everything will be back to normal.”

...

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What’s the difference between E.T. and an illegal alien?

E.T. learned English and wanted to go home.

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I told my wife I’d never leave her unless aliens came to take me.

It has taken 30 years but I finally have enough for Industrial Light and Magic to do an alien abduction scene.

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An alien drops by the White House and exclaims, β€œTake me to your leader.”

The alien is introduced to Donald Trump, who ushers it into the oval office to chat. 30 seconds later, the alien exits the room and walks back towards his ship.

β€œWhere are you going?! Our worlds have so much to discuss and learn from one another!” calls a Senator.

β€œYou are right,” responds the alien.

β€œSee you on Thursday!”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


An alien spacecraft lands in a rice paddy in rural Japan and out comes a silver-suited alien, who floats over to an old rice farmer standing in amazement.

β€œHuman creature,” the alien bellows, β€œwe last visited your planet a hundred thousand of your earth years ago. Tell us how you have evolved since then.”

The old man recovers himself, thinks for a moment and says, β€œWell, way back a long time ago, we were a crude bunch, no doubt. We’d take any old stick and walk down to the seashore, looking for something to eat. When we saw something, stab out came the stick, right through the fish or crab or urchin or whatever, and we’d eat it right off the stick.”

β€œThat is truly a primitive state and in accordance with our records. But how have you evolved?”

β€œOh, nowadays we use two sticks.”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


An alien lands today, Nov. 4, 2020.

Alien: β€œTake me to your leader.”

Me: β€œYou’re going to have to wait 10-12 business days for us to sort that out.”

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A lot of people think Crop Circles are done by alien aircraft...

I think they’re done by Cereal Killers.

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Who is the first farmer to walk on the moon?

Neil Farmstrong.

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My kids are the sunshine of my life.

Over-exposition invariably leads to burnout.

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I’ll never forget this solar eclipse, it’ll forever be seared into my mind...

...and retinas. I really should’ve worn some glasses.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


I really wish someone would have told me how long this solar eclipse was going to take.

Don’t get me wrong, I had been enjoying watching it, but had I known it would still be going on for this long, I would have bought a pair of those fancy NASA glasses.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


You can look at the solar eclipse directly.

Once with your left eye, once with your right eye.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


August 20, 2020:

Scientists have discovered a β€œmystery object” in space. The object is equal to 2.6 solar masses.

March 1, 2021 (Update):

Scientists have determined that the β€œmystery object” is made up of unmatched socks.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


What kind of eclipse is it when the sun moves in front of the moon?

An Apocaclipse.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


What's the sequel to Mario Sunshine?

Mario Sunburnt!

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


β€œI wanna be the sun of your life!”

β€œThen stay at 1 000 000 km of me!”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


What happens to pigs when they stay in the sun too long?

Turn into bacon.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


After the Americans went to the Moon, Murphy and Declan announced that the Kerry Men would go one better and send a man to the Sun.

Murphy objected, β€œIf you send a man to the Sun, he will burn up!”

β€œWhat do you think we are, stupid?” Declan replied, β€œWe’ll send our

man at night!”

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One Sunny afternoon, two blondes walk down the street.

One of them suddenly points at the sun and says: β€œLook! That’s the moon over there!”

The other one says: β€œNo, that’s the sun!”

The first one: β€œNo, it’s the moon!”

The other one, again: β€œNo, it’s the sun!”

After arguing for a while, the β€œsmart” one says: β€œLet’s go to that house over there and ask, what’s right!”

They go to the house and ring the doorbell. Another blonde opens the door.

The β€œsmart” one asks: β€œExcuse us, can you tell us, whether it’s the sun or the moon in the sky?”

The blonde looks and says: β€œI wouldn’t know! I’ve only been living here for two weeks!”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Little Johnny was sitting in class one day and the teacher was talking about life.

She asks him: β€œLittle Johnny, what do you want your wife to be like?”

He: β€œLike the moon.”

The teacher: β€œThat’s such a beautiful answer because it's calm and peaceful”.

Little Johnny: β€œNo, because it appears at night and disappears in the morning.”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Why did Neil Armstrong pee right after he made his first step on the moon?

He wanted to go where no man had gone before.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„





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