Jokes on Pizza

Enjoy our team's carefully selected Pizza Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!

Pizza Jokes

Why does it take marketers so long to order a pizza?

Because they have to run A/B tests to choose the best toppings.

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I looked out of my living room window yesterday in horror to see a crowd gathered round a crashed motorcyclist.

So I quickly put on my coat and shoes and rushed outside.

Pushed through the crowds shouting β€œlet me through, let me through!”.

I finally managed to get to the front of the crowd.

A woman turned to me and said, β€œOh, thank goodness, are you a doctor?”.

I replied no, but that’s my pizza!

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If a crab worked in a pizza parlor, which station would it work?

The crust station.

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It’s so hot the frozen pizza I bought at the grocery store was ready to eat by the time I got home.

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If you were a food what would you be?

Friend 1: β€œPizza because I’m so cheesy.”

Friend 2: β€œChocolate chip cookie because I have lots of friends.”

Me: β€œDonut because I’m so empty inside.”

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A thief got caught stealing pizza. Guess what the police told him?

His marinara rights.

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A Twitter exchange between an angry customer and an apologetic Domino’s Pizza:

Customer: β€œYoooo, I ordered a pizza, and it came with no toppings on it or anything, it’s just bread!”

Domino’s: β€œWe’re sorry to hear about this.”

Customer (minutes later): β€œNever mind, I opened the pizza upside down...”

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We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

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A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall and idly picking his teeth. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.

He asked the guy, β€œHow much money do you make a week?”

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, β€œI make a little over $400 a week, why?”

The CEO said, β€œWait right here.”

He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, handed the guy $1,600 in cash, and said, β€œHere’s four weeks’ pay. Now GET OUT and don’t come back.”

Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked, β€œDoes anyone want to tell me what that goofball did here?”

From across the room, a voice said, β€œSure, he was the Pizza delivery guy and was just waiting to collect the money.”

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I always shout β€œPIZZA’S HERE” so the delivery guy doesn’t think I’m eating those two pizzas by myself.

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Pizza Man: β€œDo you want me to cut your pizza into eight pieces or six pieces?”

Customer: β€œYou better make it six. I don’t think I can eat eight.”

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What did parmesan say when it broke up with mozzarella?

β€œI’m sorry, I’m too mature for you.”

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I burned 2000 calories today.

I fell asleep while baking pizza in the oven.

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Slice me, baby. I am all yours tonight.

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The only love triangle I want is a slice of pizza.

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β€œWaiter, will my pizza be long?”

β€œNo sir, it will be round!”

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What can a whole pizza do that a half pizza cannot do?

A whole one can look round.

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