Pilot Jokes



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Pilot Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



Pilot Jokes


A cargo airplane is transporting patients from a mental hospital.

The patients are going all crazy in the cargo, playing a soccer with an invisible ball.

The pilot has had enough of it, tells the copilot to guide the plane, and goes in the back to make them stop the noise.

They stop, the pilot returns to the cabin, but after 5 minutes, it starts all over again.

The pilot asks the copilot to give it a shot at calming the patients down.

The copilot goes in the back, the noise stops, and he returns to the cabin.

Half an hour later, the plane is quiet.

The pilot is impressed and asks the copilot how he did it.

The copilot replies, โ€œI told them: Soccer is not allowed indoors. You have to take it outside.โ€

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Co-pilot: โ€œWhy did you become a pilot?โ€

Pilot: โ€œTo overcome my greatest fear.โ€

Co-pilot: โ€œHeights?โ€

Pilot: โ€œNo, dying alone.โ€

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An F-15 pilot was assigned to escort an aged B-52 Bomber

Being a bit bored he started executing loops and rolls, never worried about being able to catch up to his lumbering charge.

He got on the radio to boast to the BUFF pilot, โ€œHa! Anything you can do, I can do better!โ€

The bomber pilot replies, โ€œOh, yeah? Letโ€™s see you do this!โ€ and keeps flying straight and level.

The fighter jock asks, โ€œUm... What did you do?โ€

The B-52 pilot says, โ€œI just shut down two engines.โ€

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My brother has a pilotโ€™s license but only uses it for private flights. So he placed advertisements all over the plane.

Now he flies commercial.

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Airline pilot to passengers, โ€œLadies and gentlemen, I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that weโ€™re lost. The good news is that we are making good progress.โ€

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An aircraft was traveling from LA to New York.

About an hour into the flight, the pilot announced, โ€œWe have lost one engine, but donโ€™t worry, there are still three left. However, we will need seven hours to get to New York instead of five.โ€

A little later, the pilot announced, โ€œAnother engine failed, but we still have two left. However, it will take 10 hours to get to New York.โ€

Somewhat later, the pilot again came on the intercom and announced, โ€œA third engine was broken. Never fear because the planeโ€™s still able to fly on one engine. However, itโ€™ll take another 18 hours to get from here to New York.โ€

At this point, one passenger said, โ€œGee, I hope we donโ€™t lose that last engine, or weโ€™ll be up here forever!โ€

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One day at Area 51 a radar tech spots a single-engine plane on final approach to the secret Air Force base.

The plane touches down and is immediately surrounded by armed guards.

The plane is impounded and the pilot is whisked off for questioning. The pilot claims that he had been flying from Las Vegas, gotten lost, and nearly ran out of fuel, so he put his plane down at the first runway he saw.

After extensive background checks, it is proven that the pilot isnโ€™t a spy and he is set to be released the following morning.

Before he is allowed to leave, he is given the โ€œYou didnโ€™t see anythingโ€ talk, and is told that under absolutely no circumstances is he allowed to tell anyone where he was, or what he saw.

The Air Force fuels up the manโ€™s plane, gives him a proper heading to get back to Las Vegas, and sends him on his way.

The next day, the manโ€™s plane is again spotted getting ready to land at Area 51. This time there are two people on the plane.

When the plane touches down, it is immediately surrounded by guards again.

As soon as it comes to a stop, the man hops out and yells, โ€œDo whatever you want to me, but SOMEBODY has to tell my wife where I was last night!โ€

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What is the propeller used for on an airplane?

Many people do not know this, but is actually for air conditioning.

If you ever get to see it when the propeller stops, the pilot suddenly starts sweating.

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Two hunters hired a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose.They bagged six.

As they started loading the plane for the return trip home, the pilot tells them the plane can take only three moose.

The two hunters objected strongly, stating, โ€œLast year we shot six moose and the pilot let us put them all on board and he had the same plane as yours.โ€

Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded.

Unfortunately, even on full power, the little plane couldnโ€™t handle the load and went down a few minutes after take off.

Climbing out of the wreck, one hunter asked the other, โ€œAny idea where we are?โ€

He replied, โ€œI think weโ€™re pretty close to where we crashed last year.โ€

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Why canโ€™t penguins fly?

Theyโ€™re not tall enough to be pilots.

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Two falcons are watching an air show where fighter pilots are racing their jets against one another.

One falcon turns to the other and says, โ€œMan, I thought we were fast, but those guys are insane.โ€

The second falcon turns back and says, โ€œYouโ€™d also fly that fast if your ass was on fire.โ€

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