Piano Jokes

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Piano Jokes

Chuck Norris plays the violin with a piano.

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The patient went to his doctor because he hadΒ flu, and the doctor wrote out a prescription for him in his usual illegible writing.

The patient put it in his pocket, but forgot to get the tablets from the pharmacy.

Every morning, for two years, he showed it to the conductor as a railroad pass. Twice, it got him into the movies, once into the soccer stadium, and once into the symphony. He got a raise at work by showing it as a note from his boss. One day he mislaid it.

His daughter picked it up, played it on the piano and won a scholarship to the conservatory of music.

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My uncle was crushed by a piano.

His funeral was very low key.

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My daughter was so angry with me when I told her I got her piano lessons.

That’s when I found out she was prone to violins.

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A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital.

The patient has had major surgery on both of his hands.

β€œDoctor,” says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. β€œWill I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?”

β€œI don’t see why not,” replies the doctor.

β€œThat’s funny,” says the man. β€œI wasn’t able to play it before.”

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A drunk walks up to a barkeeper one day and says, β€œIf I show you a trick will you give me a free drink?”

The barkeeper says, β€œDepends on how good of a trick it is.”

The drunk reaches into his pocket, pulls out a frog and places him behind the piano.

The frog starts to play the sweetest jazz riff the barkeeper has ever heard.

He pours the drunk his drink.

The drunk, after killing his drink, says, β€œIf I show you another trick, can I have another free one?”

The barkeeper says, β€œIf it is anything like that last one, you can drink free all night.”

The drunk reaches into his other pocket, pulls out a rat, sets it on top of the piano and the rat starts scatting along with the frog.”

Impressed, the barkeeper starts to pour drinks as fast as the drunk can drink them.

After several hours, a big-time Hollywood agent walks in, sees the act and frantically asks the barkeeper who it belongs to.

The barkeeper points to the drunk who is passed out on the floor.

The agent wakes him up and says, β€œI will give you 1 million dollars for that act.”

The drunks says, β€œNot for sale.”

The agent says, β€œOk, 100 grand for just the skating rat.”

The drunk says, β€œDeal.”

The agent writes the check and leaves with the rat.

The barkeeper looks at the drunk and says, β€œAre you nuts? You had a million-dollar act that you just broke up for a wimpy 100 g’s?”

The Drunk says, β€œRelax, the frog is a ventriloquist.”

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Why is a piano so hard to open?

Because the keys are on the inside.

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