Physicist Jokes

Enjoy our team's carefully selected Physicist Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!

Physicist Jokes

When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren’t paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, β€œDon’t you understand the gravity of this situation!”

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How did Albert Einstein celebrate Thanksgiving?

He was very thinkful.

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What do you call an astronomer with the stomach flu?

A gastrophysicist.

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How do you know that the driver driving toward you is a physicist?

He has a red sticker on his bumper that says β€œIf this sticker is blue, you are driving too fast”.

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Did you hear about the physicist who was reading a great book on anti-gravity?

He couldn’t put it down.

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A physicist is watching a man who believes he can fly. Every time he goes up the steep hill, he jumps off and hurts himself.

The physicist watches this for 7 days.

On the 8th day, he goes to the man and says, β€œI don’t think you understand the gravity of the situation.”

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All the physicists meet up in heaven and decide to play a game of hide and seek.

They decide that Fermi will be the seeker, so he closes his eyes and begins counting to 100.

All the physicists scatter, except for Newton, who calmly reaches into his pocket, takes out some chalk, and draws a square one meter on a side.

Fermi finishes counting and turns around, seeing Newton standing in his chalk square he yells, β€œI found Newton. Newton is out!”

Newton protests, β€œNo, I’m Newton in a meter squareβ€”I’m Pascal. Pascal is out!”

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A mathematician, and physicist, and an engineer are asked to find the volume of a red rubber ball.

The mathematician knows that the volume of a sphere has been mathematically determined so he measures the radius and puts it into the proper formula.

The physicist knows that Archimedes discovered how to determine the volume of an object so they submerge it in water and record the change in water level.

The engineer finds the number on the ball then pulls out their book of red rubber balls and finds its specifications.

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My physicist girlfriend told me that she loves me to the moon and back.

I’m worried she means displacement, not distance.

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A quantum physicist and his friend go out for ice cream.

β€œWhat’s your favorite flavor?” asks the friend.

β€œCharm,” replies the physicist.

His friend looks at him.

β€œWhy is it that whenever I ask you a question,” begins the friend, β€œyour answer is always strange?”

β€œWell, it’s strange β€˜now’,” the physicist protests, β€œshouldn’t have waited a picosecond.”

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