Philosopher Jokes

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Philosopher Jokes

You hear about the werewolf who majored in philosophy?

Now he’s a whywolf.

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What does a philosophy student feel when they fail a module on empiricism?


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I made a mistake at a philosophy conference.

They asked me for a lecture on Daoism, but I misunderstood. I talked about filial piety and deference to superiors instead.

I apologized for the Confucian.

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It’s nearing the end of the semester at a prestigious university of philosophy.

The 100+ students wait eagerly for the professor to enter the auditorium and begin their final exam. They all have their notebooks out, as the final is open book.

The professor enters and, without saying a word, puts his chair on top of his podium.

He announces to the class, β€œUsing everything that you know about philosophy, I want you to write an essay proving to me that this chair does not exist”.

The students begin furiously writing, all except one guy sitting in the far back. He writes something down, turns it in, and is gone in less than a minute.

A week passes and the students gather outside to view their grades, looking upon the posting in utter horror. Every one of them had failed the course... all except the one guy.

The students then gathered around him and asked him anxiously how he proved that the chair did not exist.

His reply:

β€œWhat chair?”

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As I stared into the refrigerator I realized I was finally using my philosophy degree.

β€œWhy am I here?”

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An engineer, a scientist, a mathematician, and a philosopher are hiking through the hills of Scotland, when they see a lone black sheep in a field.

The engineer says, β€œWhat do you know, it looks like the sheep around here are black.”

The scientist looks at him skeptically and replies, β€œWell, at least SOME of them are.”

The mathematician considers this for a moment and replies, β€œWell, at least ONE of them is.”

Then the philosopher turns to them and says, β€œWell, at least ON ONE SIDE.”

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Dean to the physics department:

β€œWhy do I always have to give you guys so much money for laboratories and expensive equipment and stuff? Why couldn’t you be more like the math departmentβ€”all they need is pencils, paper, and waste-paper baskets. Or even better, like the philosophy department. All they need are pencils and paper.”

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A boy was feeling very nervous about his first date, so went to his father for advice.

Father: β€œMy son, there are three subjects that always work with women: food, family, and philosophy.”

The boy picks up his date, and they stare at each other for a long time.

The boy’s nervousness builds, but he then asks, β€œDo you like potato pancakes?”

β€œNo,” comes the answer, and the silence returns like a suffocating blanket.

Boy: β€œDo you have a brother?”

Girl: β€œNo.”

After giving it some thought, the boy plays his last card, β€œIf you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?”

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