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Jokes About Pharmacists



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Pharmacist Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



Pharmacist Jokes


Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife.

Tearfully she explained, โ€œItโ€™s the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning, on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone.โ€

Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist & demand an apology.

Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, โ€œNow, just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast & hurried out to the car, just to realize that Iโ€™d locked the house with both house and car keys inside and had to break a window to get my keys.โ€

โ€œThen, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire.โ€

โ€œWhen I finally got to the store a bunch of people were waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook.โ€

He continued, โ€œThen I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels and the phone was still ringing.

โ€œWhen I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke.โ€

โ€œMeanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let-up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. And believe me, mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


A pharmacist looks out the front of the store and sees a woman holding a bottle jumping up and down in the parking lot.

The pharmacist walks out to the parking lot and asks the woman whatโ€™s the matter.

She replies, โ€œI saw it said โ€œShake Wellโ€ after I took it.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Lily went to a nearby pharmacy to buy her partner some deodorant.

A sales clerk comes up to her and asks what sheโ€™s looking for.

โ€œIโ€™m looking for some deodorant for my boyfriend, but I donโ€™t know what kind he uses.โ€

โ€œIs it the ball type?โ€

โ€œNo,โ€ she replied. โ€œItโ€™s for his armpits.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


My Sister works at a pharmacy.

As a pharmasister.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Devon, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way, they pass a pharmacy. Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter, โ€œAre you the owner?โ€

The Pharmacist answers, โ€œYes.โ€

Jacob: โ€œWeโ€™re about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?โ€

Pharmacist: โ€œOf course we do.โ€

Jacob: โ€œMedicine for rheumatism?โ€

Pharmacist: โ€œDefinitely.โ€

Jacob: โ€œMedicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimerโ€™s?โ€

Pharmacist: โ€œYes, a large variety. The works.โ€

Jacob: โ€œWhat about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinsonโ€™s disease?โ€

Pharmacist: โ€œAbsolutely.โ€

Jacob: โ€œEverything for heartburn and indigestion?โ€

Pharmacist: โ€œWe sure do.โ€

Jacob: โ€œYou sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?โ€

Pharmacist: โ€œAll speeds and sizes.โ€

Jacob: โ€œIn that case, weโ€™d like to use this store for our wedding presents list.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


One day an Irishman called Seamus went into a pharmacy in Clonmel. He reached into his jacket pocket and took out a bottle of Irish whiskey and a teaspoon.

Seamus proceeded to pour some of the amber liquid into the teaspoon and offered it to the chemist.

โ€œCould you taste this for me, please?โ€ asked Seamus.

The chemist took the teaspoon, put it into his mouth, swilled the liquid around and swallowed it.

โ€œDoes that taste sweet to you?โ€ says Seamus.

โ€œNo, not at all,โ€ says the pharmacist.

โ€œOh thatโ€™s a relief,โ€ says Seamus. โ€œDoctor Flannigan told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


An elderly woman went into the pharmacy. When the pharmacist asked why she was there, she replied, โ€œIโ€™d like to have some birth control pills.โ€

Taken aback, the pharmacist thought for a minute and then said, โ€œExcuse me, Mrs. Smith, but youโ€™re 75 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?โ€

The woman responded, โ€œThey help me sleep better.โ€

The pharmacist thought some more and continued, โ€œHow in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?โ€

The woman said, โ€œI put them in my granddaughterโ€™s orange juice and I sleep better at night.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.

The salesgirl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

He answers that he is looking for a box of

feminine product for his wife.

She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

The sales girl says confused, โ€œSir, I thought you were looking for some

feminine product for your wife?โ€

He answers, โ€œYou see, itโ€™s like this, yesterday I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause itโ€™s so much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own... so does she.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Pharmacists find their work to be very encapsulating.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


A somewhat advanced society has figured out how to package basic knowledge in pill form.

A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available.

The pharmacist says, โ€œHereโ€™s a pill for English literature.โ€

The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature!

โ€œWhat else do you have?โ€ asks the student.

โ€œWell, I have pills for art history, biology and world history,โ€ replies the pharmacist.

The student asks for these, swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects.

Then the student asks, โ€œDo you have a pill for math?โ€

The pharmacist says, โ€œWait just a moment,โ€ and goes back into the storeroom and brings back a whopper of a pill and plunks it on the counter.

โ€œI have to take that huge pill for math?โ€ inquires the student.

The pharmacist replied, โ€œWell, you know... math always was a little hard to swallow.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


I just got a job at a pharmacy. The pay isnโ€™t great...

But the percs are amazing!

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Did you hear about the pharmacist who got hit with a bottle of omega 3?

They are okay, the injuries were superfishoil.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Two young boys walked into a pharmacy, picked out a box of

feminine product, and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The man at the counter asked the older boy, โ€œSon, how old are you?โ€

โ€œEight,โ€ the boy replied.

The man continued, โ€œDo you know what these are used for?โ€

The boy replied, โ€œNot exactly, but they arenโ€™t for me. Theyโ€™re for him. Heโ€™s my brother. Heโ€™s four. We saw on TV that if you use these, you will be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he canโ€™t do either.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Pharmacist: A helper on the farm.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Lady says to pharmacist, โ€œWhy does my prescription medication have 40 side effects?โ€

Pharmacist replies, โ€œCause thatโ€™s all weโ€™ve documented so far.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


A newborn pony walks into a pharmacy.

He asks the pharmacist, โ€œDo you have any Cepacol lozenges? Iโ€™m a little hoarse.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


A pharmacist is going over the directions on a prescription bottle with an elderly patient.

โ€œBe sure not to take this more often than every 4 hours,โ€ the pharmacist says. โ€œDonโ€™t worry,โ€ replies the patient. โ€œIt takes me 4 hours to get the lid off.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


The customer gets a topical cream.

Direction: Apply locally two times a day.

The customer says to the pharmacist, โ€œI canโ€™t apply locally, Iโ€™m going overseas.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


My pharmacist recently lost his arm.

Now I call him my โ€œphacistโ€.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


A guy walks into a pharmacy: โ€œI have extreme headaches, my belly cramps, I feel like Iโ€™m about to vomit and my back hurts like something tears the muscles apart. Do you have something?โ€

Pharmacists: Nope, I feel fine!

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, โ€œDo you have any acetylsalicylic acid?โ€

โ€œYou mean aspirin?โ€ asked the pharmacist.

โ€œThatโ€™s it! I can never remember that word.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


What do you call a pharmacist working at a veterinary drug company?

A FARM-ASSIST.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


How many pharmacists does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, every six hours for the next ten days.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


A pharmacist returns to his shop from lunch to find a man leaning against the wall.

โ€œWhatโ€™s wrong with him?โ€ He asks his assistant.

โ€œHe came in for some cough syrup,โ€ explains the assistant. โ€œBut I couldnโ€™t find any, so I sold him a bottle of laxatives instead.โ€

โ€œWhat!โ€ The pharmacist says, horrified. โ€œYou canโ€™t treat a cough with laxatives!โ€

โ€œOf course you can,โ€ the assistant declares. โ€œLook at him โ€“ heโ€™s far too scared to cough.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


A man goes into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups.

The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the manโ€™s face.

โ€œWhat did you do that for?โ€ the man asks.

โ€œWell, you donโ€™t have the hiccups anymore, do you?โ€

The man says, โ€œNo, but my wife out in the car still does!โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


A doctor is giving a talk at a symposium. Like any good public speaker, he wrote his speech out on notecards.

Unfortunately, when he gets up to the podium, he finds that he just canโ€™t read his notes.

So, he says to the audience, โ€œIs there a pharmacist in the house?โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Conversation between a pharmacist and a female customer.

Woman: โ€œI need to buy some arsenic.โ€

Pharmacist: โ€œWhy do you need arsenic?โ€

Woman: โ€œI need arsenic because I want to give it to my husband.โ€

Pharmacist: โ€œWHAT?โ€

Woman: โ€œYou heard me! I want to give it to my husband!โ€

Pharmacist: โ€œWhy on earth would you want to do that?โ€

Woman: โ€œBecause heโ€™s having an affair with YOUR wife!!!โ€

Pharmacist: โ€œWell why didnโ€™t you tell me you had a prescription?โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„





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