Parent Jokes



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Parent Jokes


It was a regular day in first grade, and the teacher asked all the students to tell her something about what their parents do for a living.

Some kids knew and gave a good description, while others didnโ€™t really understand their parentsโ€™ jobs and gave vague descriptions or none at all.

When they got to Little Johnny, he stood up and said, โ€œMy dad cuts people in half.โ€

โ€œOh, really?โ€ asked the teacher with a smile, โ€œYou mean heโ€™s a magician?โ€

โ€œI donโ€™t know,โ€ said Johnny.

โ€œA surgeon, maybe?โ€ asked the teacher.

โ€œI donโ€™t know,โ€ repeated Johnny.

โ€œThen why do you think he cuts people in half?โ€ asked the confused teacher.

โ€œBecause I have two half brothers and three half sisters.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


When I told my parents my wife had come down with the flu, my dad said, โ€œWell, have you tried euthanasia?โ€

In the background, I could hear my mom yell, โ€œFor the last time, Henry, itโ€™s pronounced โ€˜Echinacea!โ€™, โ€˜Echinacea!!!โ€™.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


911 operator:ย โ€œ911, whatโ€™s your emergency?โ€

Me: โ€œHi, I need to report a kidnapping. My son is taking a nap in my room right now.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


911 operator: โ€œWhatโ€™s your emergency?โ€

Kangaroo: โ€œI canโ€™t find my children.โ€

Kangaroo 911: โ€œDid you check your pockets?โ€

Kangaroo: โ€œOh, never mind.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


A boy calls 911.

โ€œ911, what is your emergency?โ€

The boy replied, โ€œMy parents are fighting, and Iโ€™m scared..โ€

โ€œWell, whoโ€™s your father?โ€

โ€œWell, thatโ€™s what theyโ€™re fighting about.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


I once accidentally poured glue in my sonโ€™s corn flakes.

Heโ€™s never talked to me again.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


My wife and I had no idea what happiness meant until we had kids.

But by then, it was too late.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


The old mosquito puts the little babyโ€™s to bed and tells them, โ€œIf you are good, tomorrow Iโ€™m going to take you to the nudists.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Remember when you ate a kidโ€™s meal at McDonaldโ€™s?

His parents were pissed.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Sherlock was gardening when Watson came over and asked what he was planting.

โ€œA lemon tree, my dear Wat-son.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


My son and I both have knee problems.

It is a joint issue.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


If Joker and Harley Quinn have a son.

The name is Joaquin.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


I taught my son speed reading and Iโ€™m proud to say that he managed to finish โ€œHarry Potter and the Philosopherโ€™s Stoneโ€ in an hour and a half.

I know itโ€™s only six words, but itโ€™s a start.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


โ€œWhy are you using our daughter as a guitar?โ€ my wife asked.

โ€œYou told me to rock her to sleep,โ€ I replied.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


A grandmother was pushing her little grandchild around Wa-Mart in a buggy.

Each time she put something in the basket, she would say โ€œAnd hereโ€™s something for you, Diplomaโ€ or โ€œThis will make a cute little outfit for you, Diplomaโ€ and so on.

Eventually a bewildered shopper whoโ€™d heard all this finally asked, โ€œWhy do you keep calling your grandchild Diploma?โ€

The grandmother replied, โ€œI sent my daughter to the University of Virginia, and this is what she came home with!โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Dear Father,

university i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.

With all my $tuff, I $imply canโ€™t think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love, Your $on.

After receiving his sonโ€™s letter, the father immediately replies by sending a letter back.

Dear David,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy.

Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love, Dad

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


What do you call a ginger kid whoโ€™s good at martial arts?

The Carroty Kid.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


What is it called when two redheads have a kid?

Ginger bred.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


My wife asked me to prepare our 4-year-old ginger son for his first day at school.

So I punched him and stole his lunch money.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


I donโ€™t believe in hitting my children as punishment.

So I teach them Fortnite dances and send them to school so that other kids can beat them instead.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Why are baby flamingos so badly behaved?

Because the parents never put their foot down.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


For Fatherโ€™s Day, my wife and kid made me breakfast in bed.

Iโ€™d have preferred they made it in the kitchen, but itโ€™s the thought that counts.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


When is Fatherโ€™s Day?

Nine months after Fatherโ€™s Night.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


My kids are buying me gifts for Fatherโ€™s Day.

I hope I can afford it.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


An old country gentleman sent his son off to engineering school.

Four years later, upon his sonโ€™s return, he asked him what he had learned at college.

The son replied, โ€œPi r square.โ€

The dad exclaimed, โ€œYou didnโ€™t learn nothinโ€™, boy! Pie are round, breadโ€™s square.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


What did the drummer call his twin sons?

Tom.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


What did the drummer call his twin daughters?

Anna one, Anna two.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Why did the Java developer teach his young kids about single quotes?

Because they build character.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Today I asked my daughter for a phone book.

She said, โ€œYouโ€™re such a boomer,โ€ and handed me her phone.

So, now, the spiders are dead, my daughterโ€™s phone is broken and sheโ€™s really mad at me.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


My best friend passed away recently, and grieving before his grave I said,

โ€œBro, I really miss you. My wife has been pregnant for 8 months now. How about you reincarnate as my child?โ€

A month later, my wife gave birth to a big boy. As my child grew older each day, I realized he looks a lot like my best friend.

Iโ€™m really happy that my prayer worked.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


A child asks, โ€œMommy, does God use our bathroom?โ€

The mother replies, โ€œNo, darling. Why do you ask?โ€

The child says, โ€œBecause every morning daddy bangs on the door and shouts, โ€œOh God, are you still in there?!โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Why shouldnโ€™t you let kids watch big band performances on TV?

Too much sax and violins.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


My kid has a stuffed alpaca toy.

I call it her Dolly Llama.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


My Millennial son called me for the first time in a year and a half.

I changed the Netflix password.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Millennial milestone:

I finally moved out of my parents and moved in with my girlfriend. Her parents were supportive, too. They even let us bring food upstairs.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Children are like farts.

Your own are just about bearable, but everyone elseโ€™s are horrendous.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


The lawyerโ€™s son wanted to follow in his fatherโ€™s footsteps, so he went to law school and graduated with honors. Then he went home to join his fatherโ€™s firm.

At the end of his first day at work, he rushed into his fatherโ€™s office and said, โ€œFather, father! In one day I broke the Smith case that youโ€™ve been working on for so long!โ€

His father yelled, โ€œYou idiot! Weโ€™ve been living on the funding of that case for ten years!โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


An eight-year-old girl went to the office with her Dad on a โ€œTake Your Kid to Workdayโ€.

As they were walking around the office, the young girl was getting crankier and crankier, crying and sobbing.

Her father asked what was wrong with her.

As the concerned office staff gathered around, she sobbed loudly, โ€œDaddy, where are all the clowns you said you worked with?!โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


I canโ€™t believe my parents support my choice of profession.

I told them that I wanted to become a stand-up comedian and they laughed at me!

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Having your own child is like living in a frat houseโ€”nobody sleeps, everythingโ€™s broken, and thereโ€™s a lot of throwing up.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


A woman goes into labor and at the hospital the doctor says, โ€œThrough the miracles of science, weโ€™ve invented a new machine that will transfer the pain of childbirth to your husband. Would you be the first couple to try it out?โ€

So the husband and wife talk about it and agree that itโ€™s only fair that they share the pain together.

They get hooked up to the machine and as she gets further along the husband gets a little skittish and says, โ€œOK, listen, I know this is going to be super painful, so letโ€™s start it at about 3.โ€

The doctor turns on the machine and before long the husband says, โ€œWow, this is nothing! Go ahead and turn it to 5.โ€

A couple more minutes go by, and again he says, โ€œMan, this is easy, letโ€™s go up to 7.โ€

The husband still sits there calmly and as the baby gets closer he says, โ€œGee honey, I donโ€™t get what all the fuss is about, this is nothing. You women have been complaining about how horrible this is, but itโ€™s a breeze. Gimme everything.โ€

So the doctor turns it up all the way.

The woman has the best, most painless delivery ever, and the husband just sits there like a champ with barely a grimace on his face.

Afterward, the doctor interviews them and the man is still in disbelief over how effortless it was and says heโ€™d gladly do it all again, โ€œI barely felt anything, men are so much tougher than women.โ€

Then, after the woman recovers, they gather their things and take their newborn home with them.

... and find the delivery driver lying dead on the front porch.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


My sonโ€™s asked for a strange Christmas present this year. Itโ€™s really cheap though so I donโ€™t mind.

Iโ€™m not sure why he wants an eggs box though.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


A Man was watching TV one day, when all of a sudden he began screaming in terror.

โ€œDonโ€™t go in the Church!โ€ he cried. โ€œItโ€™s a trap!โ€

โ€œMom, is Dad watching a horror movie?โ€ his son asked.

โ€œNo, dear, heโ€™s watching our wedding video,โ€ the mom replied.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


A parent gave her kid some sound advice before going to accounting school:

Study hard, so you can be audit you can be.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


A boy was feeling very nervous about his first date, so went to his father for advice.

Father: โ€œMy son, there are three subjects that always work with women: food, family, and philosophy.โ€

The boy picks up his date, and they stare at each other for a long time.

The boyโ€™s nervousness builds, but he then asks, โ€œDo you like potato pancakes?โ€

โ€œNo,โ€ comes the answer, and the silence returns like a suffocating blanket.

Boy: โ€œDo you have a brother?โ€

Girl: โ€œNo.โ€

After giving it some thought, the boy plays his last card, โ€œIf you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


A Sunni and a Shia Muslim have a child together.

They name her Sushi.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


What does an avocado call its children?

Avo-kiddos.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


What did the dad turkey say to his stubborn child?

โ€œIf your mother could see you now, sheโ€™d be turning over in her gravy.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


โ€œAll the kids make fun of me,โ€ the boy cried to his mother, โ€œThey say I have a big head.โ€

โ€œDonโ€™t listen to them,โ€ his mother comforted him, โ€œYou have a beautiful head. Now stop crying and go to the store for ten pounds of potatoes.โ€

Boy: โ€œWhereโ€™s the shopping bag?โ€

Mother: โ€œI havenโ€™t got one, use your hat.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


What did the flower say when her son went off to college?

โ€œI be-leaf in you.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year.

They chose a hot dog... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Son: โ€œDad, why did you and mom name my sister Rose?โ€

Dad: โ€œBecause your mother loves Roses.โ€

Son: โ€œOh... OK. Thanks, Dad!โ€

Dad: โ€œNo problem, Costco Hot Dog.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


How do you get a baby alien to sleep?

You rocket!

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


My son identifies as a crescent moon.

Iโ€™m worried, but my wife says itโ€™s just a phase.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


When the moon is being super grumpy, its parents turn to each other and say, โ€œGibbous strength!โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


On his 16th birthday, I thought my son deserved to know the truth about his being adopted.

So when he got home from school, I said to him, โ€œSteve, do you mind sitting down, Iโ€™ve got something to tell you.โ€

โ€œDad, guess what?!โ€ he shouted excitedly.

โ€œSteve, this is important.โ€ I urged.

โ€œNo way, Dad. Listen!โ€

โ€œSteve. Please. Donโ€™t make this hard for me. Itโ€™s about your mum and me.โ€

โ€œDad! Shut up! Iโ€™ve just won ยฃ250,000 on a scratch card!โ€

โ€œThatโ€™s amazing son! Your old Dadโ€™s really made up for you!โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Why did the daughter start eating donuts?

Because her mother said, โ€œYou better eat hole foods.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


My kids are the sunshine of my life.

Over-exposition invariably leads to burnout.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


When we go to the beach with the kids, we use a really strong sunblock.

Itโ€™s SPF 80: You squeeze the tube, and a sweater comes out.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


A young Arab boy asks his father, โ€œWhat is that strange hat you are wearing?โ€

The father said, โ€œWhy, my son, it is a โ€œchechiaโ€. In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun.โ€

โ€œAnd what is the long flowing robe you are wearing?โ€ asked the boy.

โ€œOh, my son!โ€ exclaimed the father, โ€œIt is very simple. This is a โ€œdjbellahโ€. As I have told you, in the desert it is not only very hot, but the sand is always blowing. My โ€œdjbellahโ€ protects the entire body.โ€

The son then asked, โ€œBut Father, what about those ugly shoes you have on your feet?โ€

โ€œThese are โ€œbabouchesโ€ my son,โ€ the father replied. You must understand that although the desert sands are very beautiful, they are also extremely hot. These โ€œbabouchesโ€ keep us from burning our feet.โ€

โ€œSo tell me then,โ€ added the boy.

โ€œYes, my son...โ€

โ€œWhy are we living in Birmingham and still wearing all this shit?

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


A girl visited her boyfriend, which was still living with his mother, at his house.

His mother had Puritan principles.

The mother, as long as the girl was there, didnโ€™t even try to hide her dislike feelings for his sonโ€™s choice.

โ€œMom, can I escort Helen?โ€

The girl, waiting to hear a cold-hearted โ€œnoโ€, she surprised hear.

โ€œSure... You can! Escort her... to the corner with your eyes!โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Before having a kid the most important thing to ask yourself is:

โ€œAm I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


One night, Sally was saying goodnight to her parents and grandparents.

โ€œGood night Mom, good night Dad, good night Grandma, goodbye Grandpa.โ€

Her dad asked her, โ€œWhy goodbye?โ€

โ€œOh, I dunno, I just felt like it.โ€

The very next day, her grandpa died.

That evening, Sally was saying goodnight again.

โ€œGood night Mom, good night Dad, goodbye Grandma.

Her dad was very suspicious but said nothing.

The very next day, Sallyโ€™s grandma died.

That night, when Sally said โ€œGood night Mom, goodbye Dadโ€, Sallyโ€™s dad began to panic. He knew this couldnโ€™t just be a coincidence.

So early the very next day, he went to work, locked his office door, and hid under his desk until late in the afternoon.

Eventually, he decided he should probably go home, or his wife might get worried.

He managed to arrive home safely and asked his wife how her day had been.

โ€œOh, it was just awful!โ€ she replied. โ€œThe Milkman died!โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Me: โ€œGood night, kids!โ€

Kids: โ€œGood night, dad!โ€

Me: โ€œGood night, monster under the bed who eats bad kids!โ€

Wife (through radio under the bed): โ€œGood night!โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


My son is three years old and I took him shopping.

When we got home, he had a chocolate bar in his pocket.

Now, I didnโ€™t buy it and he certainly didnโ€™t buy it, so I marched him straight back to the shopping center and went to the jewelers.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


โ€œDad, did you ever fall in love?โ€

โ€œYes, son. I did once.โ€

โ€œAnd, what happened?โ€

โ€œIn the beginning it was fantastic, but then your mother found out.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


A young Jewish mom walks her son to the school bus corner on his first day of kindergarten.

โ€œBehave, my bubaleh,โ€ she says.

โ€œTake good care of yourself and think about your mother, tataleh!โ€

โ€œAnd come right back home on the bus, schein kindaleh.โ€

โ€œYour mommy loves you a lot, my ketsaleh!โ€

At the end of the school day, the bus comes back and she runs to her son and hugs him.

โ€œSo what did my pupaleh learn on his first day of school?โ€

The boy answers, โ€œI learned my name is David.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


I used to play tennis, baseball, basketball and chess, but I stopped after my son broke my PlayStation.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


A first-grade teacher canโ€™t believe her student isnโ€™t hepped up about the Super Bowl.

โ€œItโ€™s a huge event. Why arenโ€™t you excited?โ€

โ€œBecause Iโ€™m not a football fan. My parents love basketball, so I do too,โ€ says the student.

โ€œWell, thatโ€™s a lousy reason,โ€ says the teacher. โ€œWhat if your parents were morons? What would you be then?โ€

โ€œThen Iโ€™d be a football fan.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old football players aside and asked, โ€œDo you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?โ€

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

โ€œDo you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?โ€

The little boy nodded yes.

โ€œSo,โ€ the coach continued, โ€œIโ€™m sure you know, when a foul is called, you shouldnโ€™t argue, curse, or attack the referee. Do you understand all that?โ€

Again the little boy nodded.

He continued, โ€œAnd when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, itโ€™s not good sportsmanship to call your coach โ€œa worthless idiotโ€ is it?โ€ Again the little boy nodded.

โ€œGood,โ€ said the coach. โ€œNow go over there and explain all that to your parents.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


A little boy asked his father, โ€œDaddy, how much does it cost to get married?โ€

And the father replied, โ€œI donโ€™t know, son, Iโ€™m still paying for it.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


The baby tomato was running late for school. Guess what his mommy said?

โ€œCome on, ketch-up!โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, โ€œI hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.โ€

โ€œPop, what are you talking about?!โ€ the son screams.

โ€œWe canโ€™t stand the sight of each other any longer,โ€ the old man says.

โ€œWeโ€™re sick and tired of each other, and Iโ€™m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her.โ€ And he hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.

โ€œLike Heck, theyโ€™re getting a divorce,โ€ she shouts. โ€œIโ€™ll take care of this.โ€

She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, โ€œYou are NOT getting divorced! Donโ€™t do a single thing until I get there. Iโ€™m calling my brother back and weโ€™ll both be there tomorrow. Until then donโ€™t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?!โ€ And she hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone, smiles, and turns to his wife.

โ€œTheyโ€™re coming for Easter and paying their own way.โ€

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When Chuck Norris turned 18, his parents moved out.

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When Chuck Norrisโ€™s parents had nightmares, they would come to his bedroom.

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I put so much more effort into naming my first Wi-Fi than my first child.

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The dad says, โ€œA man is someone who is responsible and cares for their family.โ€

The kid replies, โ€œI hope one day I can be a man just like mom!โ€

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After a prolonged drought when the rain came, all the animals in the forest were happy except the Kangaroo.

When the others asked him what the reason was for such sadness, the Kangaroo revealed that the rain meant that all its kids would now be playing inside.

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A man hunts a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.

Both he and his wife decide that theyโ€™ll play a game with the kids. Theyโ€™ll give them a clue and get them to guess what it is.

At mealtime, the kids are eager to know what the meat is on their plates, so they beg their dad for the clue.

โ€œWell,โ€ he says, โ€œitโ€™s what mommy calls me sometimesโ€.

The little girl screams, โ€œDonโ€™t eat it! Itโ€™s an asshole!โ€

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A man frantically calls the doctor and says, โ€œMy wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart now!โ€

โ€œIs this her first child?โ€ the doctor responds.

The man replies, โ€œNo! This is her husband!โ€

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A child asked his father, โ€œHow were people born?โ€

So his father said, โ€œAdam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.โ€

The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, โ€œWe were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.โ€

The child ran back to his father and said, โ€œYou lied to me!โ€

His father replied, โ€œNo, your mom was talking about her side of the family.โ€

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A family was having dinner once when the youngest boy asked his father whether worms tasted nice when we eat them. Both the parents reprimanded the little boy and told him that these things shouldn't be discussed over the dinner table.

When the father asked the boy after dinner why he had asked such a question, he replied, โ€œPapa, I think worms taste okay because there was one in your spaghetti.โ€

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