Paint Jokes



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Paint Jokes


A man went to the pet shop to buy a budgie.

β€œI would like a blue budgie please” he said to the assistant.

β€œI haven’t got a blue one,” the assistant replied. β€œI’ll sell you a green one and a tin of paint. You can paint it yourself.”

β€œOK,” said the man, β€œthat’ll do.”

The next day, the man comes back. The budgie is dead.

β€œLook at this,” said the man. β€œIt died while I was painting it.”

β€œThat’s odd,” said the assistant, β€œI’m sure that paint was safe.”

The man replies, β€œI never got round to painting it. It died when I was burning the old paint off…”

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Once I tried to paint the sky, but I blue it.

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When the paint store was blue-out, they called it a palette cleanser.

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Why did the blue paint cross the road?

To get to the other hue.

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I told my boss I was feeling blue, so he painted my office the color of the ocean. Now I’m working in a sea of tranquility.

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What did the blue paint say to the red paint when they met?

β€œYou’re looking rosy!”

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What did the blue paint brush say to the red paint brush?

β€œI blue you away.”

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Why did the blue paint laugh at the brown paint?

Because he was blue-tiful.

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What’s blue and smells like red paint?

Blue paint.

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A blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. So she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.

The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint.

He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.

He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time.

He goes over and asks her if she is OK.

She replies yes.

He asks what she is doing.

She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.

He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat.

She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said:

FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.

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I was at the paint store the other day and after the guy put my paint on the counter he asks, β€œDo you wanna box for that?”

I replied, β€œNo but I’ll wrestle you for it.”

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Did you hear about the paint catapult that won the competition?

It won with flying colors.

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No one understands me when I say I like to paint peas in a cage. I don’t know what’s so hard about it.

I’m a trapped peas artist.

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So the painters finish painting my home and they hand me the bill.

I notice that by the paint it says $0.

I say, β€œYou guys did such a good job, why aren’t you charging me for the paint?”

The head painter looks at me and says, β€œDon’t worry about the paint, it’s on the house.”

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Yesterday, I painted half of my face like a clown and went for a drive.

I don’t think anyone saw the funny side.

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