Paddy and Murphy Jokes
Enjoy our team's carefully selected Paddy and Murphy Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
Paddy has just correctly answered the £500,000 question on “Who Wants To Be a Millionaire”.
He has only one question standing between him and the £1m jackpot.
Presenter: “Which of these birds does not live in a nest?
A) Thrush
B) Kestrel
C) Blue Tit
D) Cuckoo”
Paddy has one lifeline left – phone a friend. He decides to call Murphy, the owner of his local pub.
Murphy agrees and immediately shouts, “It’s a cuckoo!”
Paddy goes with that answer and wins the jackpot.
That evening, Paddy was round at Murphy’s bar celebrating.
He turns to Murphy and says, “Murphy, how did you know that cuckoos don’t live in a nest?”
Murphy answers, “That’s the easiest question you could have had! Everyone knows a cuckoo lives in a clock!”
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Paddy goes to the police station.
He was looking to talk to the burglar, who broke into his house the night before.
“You’ll get your chance in court tomorrow,” said the desk sergeant.
“But it’ll only take a minute, sarge. I just want to ask how he got into our house without waking my missus, as I’ve been trying to do it for years,” says Paddy.
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Murphy asked Paddy, “What ringtone have you got?”
Paddy said, “I’ve never really looked, but probably light brown.”
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Paddy and Murphy are in a dark cave.
Paddy says, “It’s too dark. Do you have a match?”
Murphy hands Paddy a match, which Paddy strikes against the wall, but nothing happens. He strikes the match again, but again nothing.
Paddy says to Murphy, “This match doesn’t work.”
“That’s strange,” says Murphy. “It worked earlier.”
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Paddy and Murphy find a mirror.
Paddy picks it up, has a look, and says to Murphy, “That bloke looks really familiar.”
Murphy grabs it off him, “It’s me, you idiot.”
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Two Irish fellas—Paddy and Murphy—are looking for a job.
They are walking down the road when they see a sign saying “Tree fellers wanted. Apply within!”.
Paddy says, “Hey Murphy, if we find another person we can apply for that.”
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