Operation Jokes



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Operation Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



Operation Jokes


A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!

Home is where the heart is.

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Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?

He played his heart out.

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What donโ€™t you want to hear in the middle of surgery?

โ€œWhereโ€™s my watch?โ€

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The orthopedic doctor was feeling a bit patella-tive after a long day of surgeries.

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My orthopedic surgeon has the bone-dacity to tell jokes during surgery.

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She nailed the surgery.

But sheโ€™s still having a few screws loose.

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Why was the hip bone so calm during surgery?

Because it knew everything would be alright.

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What do youย callย a hip bone thatโ€™s late for surgery?

Hip-late.

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How did the hip bone feel after surgery?

Absolutely joint-ful!

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When the rapper needed surgery, he got a hip-hop replacement.

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Whatโ€™s a hipsterโ€™s favorite type of surgery?

A hip replacement.

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Whatโ€™s a hip replacementโ€™s favorite type ofย music?

Hip-hop.

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What do you callย a skeleton who just had hip surgery?

Hip-ster!

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Why did the hip bone go to theย coffeeย shop?

Because it needed a little perk-me-up after surgery.

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How does a hip replacement like to relax?

By taking a jointย vacation.

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Why did the orthopedicย surgeonย bring a radio into surgery?

Because he wanted to tune into the hip-est station.

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Why did the hip surgery patient bring a suit to the hospital?

Because he wanted to be hip and dapper during recovery.

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What did one hip replacement say to the other?

โ€œYou crack me up!โ€

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Why was the hip replacement patient alwaysย winningย atย poker?

Because they always had aย coupleย of joints up their sleeve.

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A bar which does hip replacement operations recently opened near to me.

Critics are saying itโ€™s the new hip place to be.

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My grandma got a hip replacement.

My new grandma is a 24-year-old barista and an aspiring artist.

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So a guy goes into the hospital for a hip replacement.

Heโ€™s laying in the hospital bed, when another guy walks into the hospital room that looks like he could be his twin brother.

Except this guy is slimmer, wearing a stylish blazer, a sharp hat, a goatee and sunglasses.

โ€œWho are you?โ€ the guy asks.

โ€œIโ€™m your hip replacement.โ€

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How was your ear operation?

Thursday.

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Whatโ€™s the most common operation in a Lego hospital?

Plastic surgery.

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A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store.

The store clerk called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor.

The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.

He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital.

A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms and a pen.

She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.

โ€œDo you have health insurance?โ€ she asked.

He replied in a raspy voice, โ€œNo health insurance.โ€

The nun asked, โ€œDo you have money in the bank?โ€

He replied, โ€œNo money in the bank.โ€

Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?โ€ asked the irritated nun.

He said, โ€œI only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun.โ€

The nun became agitated and announced loudly, โ€œNuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God.โ€

The patient replied, โ€œPerfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law.โ€

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Two guys were working at a sawmill one day when one of the guys got too close to the blade and cut off his arm.

His buddy put the severed arm in a plastic bag and rushed it down to the hospital to get re-attached.

The next day he goes to see his chum and finds him playing tennis.

โ€œIncredible!,โ€ says his friend.

โ€œMedical science is amazing!โ€

Another month goes by and the same two guys are again at the sawmill working when the same guy gets too close to the spinning blade and this time his leg gets cut off.

Again his buddy takes the leg, puts it in a plastic bag and takes it to the hospital to get re-attached.

The next day, he goes down to see his chum and finds him outside playing football.

โ€œIncredible!,โ€ says his friend.

โ€œMedical science is amazing!โ€

Well, another month goes by and again the same two friends are at the mill cutting wood when suddenly the same guy bends down too close to the blade and off comes his head.

Well, his friend takes the head, puts it in a plastic bag, and heads to the hospital to get it re-attached.

The next day he goes to see his friend but canโ€™t find him.

He sees the doctor walking down the hall and says, โ€œDoc, where is my friend? I brought him in yesterday.โ€

The doctor thinks for a minute and says, โ€œOh yeah, some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated.โ€

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Patient: โ€œDoctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?โ€

Doctor: โ€œYes, of course.โ€

Patient: โ€œGreat! I never could before!โ€

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