Onion Jokes

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Onion Jokes

Why do onions have poor self-image?

Because people cry when they get onions naked.

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Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”


β€œOnion, who?”

β€œOnion mark, get set, go!”

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I remember the day my ex sent me a breakup text, my mom asked me what I was reading.

I told her, β€œTips to cook delicious food.”

And then she asked me why I was crying.

I answered, β€œI have reached where they are cutting onions.”

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My friend thinks he’s intelligent. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry.

So I threw a coconut at his face.

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What do you call a small, yellow onion?

A Min-ion.

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What do you get if you eat onions on your beans?

Tear gas.

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My wallet is like an onion.

Whenever I open it my eyes tear up.

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I’m an annoying on the outside, but I’m like an onion.

You peel back the layers, find the same thing and just start crying.

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A mother, father and daughter onion are out for a walk.

They get to the streetlight at an intersection and as the walk sign lights up, they begin to cross but a careless driver catches the daughter onion and she rolls to the side of the road, horribly injured.

She is rushed to the hospital and after a few hours the doctor comes to the waiting room to speak to the parents, β€œSir, ma’am, I have good news and bad news.”

β€œOkay, give it to us, Doc, we want to know how she’s doing.”

β€œWell,” says the doctor, β€œthe good news is your daughter is going to live.”

The parent onions feel a huge relief, then ask for the bad news.

β€œThe bad news is, she’s going to be a vegetable for the rest of her life.”

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The cook gifted his girlfriend something she would like. Guess what?

An onion ring.

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One day this kid walks into an ice cream parlor and asks the guy behind the counter, β€œDo you have onion-flavored ice cream?”

The guy says, β€œNo, we don’t have onion-flavored ice cream.”

So the kid says, β€œOk,” and leaves.

The next day, the kid comes back in and asks the same question.

The guy again informs him that they don’t carry onion-flavored ice cream.

This goes on for a week, and the guy running the ice cream shop figures the kid is probably autistic.

So, one night, he goes home and starts to work on a recipe for onion-flavored ice cream. He stays up all night working and perfecting onion-flavored ice cream, just for this kid.

Then, the next morning, when the kid comes in at his usual time and asks if they have onion-flavored ice cream, the guy answers him.

β€œYes! Yes, we have onion-flavored ice cream!”

The kid replies, β€œYou must be stupid. Who is gonna buy onion-flavored ice cream?!”

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An onion just told me a joke.

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

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Yo momma is so ugly she made an onion cry.

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