Enjoy our team's carefully selected Onion Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
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Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Onion.”
“Onion, who?”
“Onion mark, get set, go!”
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I remember the day my ex sent me a breakup text, my mom asked me what I was reading.
I told her, “Tips to cook delicious food.”
And then she asked me why I was crying.
I answered, “I have reached where they are cutting onions.”
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My friend thinks he’s intelligent. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry.
So I threw a coconut at his face.
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What do you call a small, yellow onion?
A Min-ion.
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What do you get if you eat onions on your beans?
Tear gas.
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My wallet is like an onion.
Whenever I open it my eyes tear up.
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I’m an annoying on the outside, but I’m like an onion.
You peel back the layers, find the same thing and just start crying.
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A mother, father and daughter onion are out for a walk.
They get to the streetlight at an intersection and as the walk sign lights up, they begin to cross but a careless driver catches the daughter onion and she rolls to the side of the road, horribly injured.
She is rushed to the hospital and after a few hours the doctor comes to the waiting room to speak to the parents, “Sir, ma’am, I have good news and bad news.”
“Okay, give it to us, Doc, we want to know how she’s doing.”
“Well,” says the doctor, “the good news is your daughter is going to live.”
The parent onions feel a huge relief, then ask for the bad news.
“The bad news is, she’s going to be a vegetable for the rest of her life.”
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The cook gifted his girlfriend something she would like. Guess what?
An onion ring.
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One day this kid walks into an ice cream parlor and asks the guy behind the counter, “Do you have onion-flavored ice cream?”
The guy says, “No, we don’t have onion-flavored ice cream.”
So the kid says, “Ok,” and leaves.
The next day, the kid comes back in and asks the same question.
The guy again informs him that they don’t carry onion-flavored ice cream.
This goes on for a week, and the guy running the ice cream shop figures the kid is probably autistic.
So, one night, he goes home and starts to work on a recipe for onion-flavored ice cream. He stays up all night working and perfecting onion-flavored ice cream, just for this kid.
Then, the next morning, when the kid comes in at his usual time and asks if they have onion-flavored ice cream, the guy answers him.
“Yes! Yes, we have onion-flavored ice cream!”
The kid replies, “You must be stupid. Who is gonna buy onion-flavored ice cream?!”
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An onion just told me a joke.
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.
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Yo momma is so ugly she made an onion cry.
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