Onion Jokes

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Onion Jokes

What do you get if you eat onions on your beans?

Tear gas.

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My wallet is like an onion.

Whenever I open it my eyes tear up.

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Iโ€™m an annoying on the outside, but Iโ€™m like an onion.

You peel back the layers, find the same thing and just start crying.

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A mother, father and daughter onion are out for a walk.

They get to the streetlight at an intersection and as the walk sign lights up, they begin to cross but a careless driver catches the daughter onion and she rolls to the side of the road, horribly injured.

She is rushed to the hospital and after a few hours the doctor comes to the waiting room to speak to the parents, โ€œSir, maโ€™am, I have good news and bad news.โ€

โ€œOkay, give it to us, Doc, we want to know how sheโ€™s doing.โ€

โ€œWell,โ€ says the doctor, โ€œthe good news is your daughter is going to live.โ€

The parent onions feel a huge relief, then ask for the bad news.

โ€œThe bad news is, sheโ€™s going to be a vegetable for the rest of her life.โ€

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The cook gifted his girlfriend something she would like. Guess what?

An onion ring.

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One day this kid walks into an ice cream parlor and asks the guy behind the counter, โ€œDo you have onion-flavored ice cream?โ€

The guy says, โ€œNo, we donโ€™t have onion-flavored ice cream.โ€

So the kid says, โ€œOk,โ€ and leaves.

The next day, the kid comes back in and asks the same question.

The guy again informs him that they donโ€™t carry onion-flavored ice cream.

This goes on for a week, and the guy running the ice cream shop figures the kid is probably autistic.

So, one night, he goes home and starts to work on a recipe for onion-flavored ice cream. He stays up all night working and perfecting onion-flavored ice cream, just for this kid.

Then, the next morning, when the kid comes in at his usual time and asks if they have onion-flavored ice cream, the guy answers him.

โ€œYes! Yes, we have onion-flavored ice cream!โ€

The kid replies, โ€œYou must be stupid. Who is gonna buy onion-flavored ice cream?!โ€

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An onion just told me a joke.

I donโ€™t know whether to laugh or cry.

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My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

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Yo momma is so ugly, she made an onion cry.

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