On Time Jokes



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On Time Jokes


How do chickens wake up on time?

Alarm clucks!

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Three gulag inmates are telling each other what they’re in for.

The first one says, β€œI was five minutes late for work, and they charged me withΒ sabotage.”

The second says, β€œFor me, it was just the opposite: I was five minutes early for work, and they charged me with espionage.”

The third one says, β€œI got to work right on time, and they charged me with harming the Soviet economy by acquiring a watch in a capitalist country.”

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When showing up on time is an actual miracle?

When everyone expects you to be late, and you roll up on time.

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Why did the girl sit on the clock?

She just wanted to be on time.

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What treat is never on time?

Choco-Late.

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What did the first egg tell the second egg when it didn’t make it on time?

Omelette.

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One company owner asks another, β€œTell me, Bill, how come your employees are always on time in the mornings?”

Bill replies, β€œEasy. 30 employees and 20 parking spaces.”

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Your nose was on time, but you must have been a few minutes late.

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One Christmas Eve, many decades ago, Santa Claus announced to his elves, β€œI’m supposed to begin my annual flight in one hour. But there are still some toys that need to be made and put into my sack. I need all seven of my elite toymakers to finish the toys on time.”

β€œI’m so sorry, Mr. Kringle,” said the elf in charge of the workshop. β€œOne of the elite toymakers is on vacation, and two are sick. I’m afraid we only have four elites tonight.”

β€œSo be it,” said Santa.

It took two hours for the elves to finish making the toys. By the time they were done, Santa was one hour overdue.

Finally, the sack was full. Santa dragged the heavy sack out of the workshop and to his sleigh. But the sleigh, of course, was very old, and some of the wood was rotting. So when Santa put the sack into the sleigh, it went right through the wood.

He hoisted the sack out of the hole, rushed to the barn, and came back with a hammer, nails, a ruler, a saw, and several planks of fresh wood.

It took two hours for Santa to fix the sleigh. By the time he was done, he was three hours overdue.

Finally, the hole in the sleigh had been patched. Santa went back to the barn to put away the hammer, the ruler, and the saw, and also to fetch his eight tiny reindeer. But when he got there, he found that he had left the door open.

β€œOh no!” he said. β€œSome of the reindeer may have escaped!”

Indeed, when Santa entered the barn, he found that Dasher, Dancer, and Donner had run away. To make matters worse, Comet and Cupid were giving birth to fawns. Only three of the regular reindeer could pull the sleigh that year.

Santa immediately ordered some of his elves to look for the missing reindeer, and others to help Comet and Cupid give birth. Then he hitched Prancer, Vixen, and Blitzen to the sleigh without any problems. Now he needed to find five replacement reindeer. He eventually settled on Basher, Flasher, Smasher, Rudolph (this was before his nose started glowing), and Fred.

But those reindeer had never pulled a sleigh before, and it took two hours for Santa to hitch them. By the time he was done, he was five hours overdue.

Finally, a very stressed Santa Claus sat in his sleigh, ready to begin his flight. Just then, an angel walked by with a Christmas tree she had cut down.

β€œGood evening, Santa,” said the angel. β€œWhere do you want me to put this?”

And so began the tradition of putting the angel at the top of the tree.

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