Old Age Jokes

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Old Age Jokes

John, a wealthy 60 year old man, shows up at the country club one day with his new wife, a smoking hot 22 year old blonde.

His buddies are amazed, โ€œThere is no way someone that young and attractive would agree to marry an old geezer like you. How did you pull it off?โ€

โ€œItโ€™s simple,โ€ John says, โ€œI lied to her about my age.โ€

โ€œDid you tell her you were 50?โ€ his friends ask.

John shakes his head no.

โ€œThere is no way she could believe you were 40.โ€

John shakes his head again.

Friends: โ€œSo how old did you tell her you were exactly?โ€

John smiles and says, โ€œ85.โ€

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One benefit of old age is that your secrets are safe with your friends, they canโ€™t remember them either!

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Getting old certainly has its benefits.

Every birthday party is a surprise birthday party when you reach 80 years of age.

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If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?

Their age.

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An 80-year-old man went to the doctor for a general check-up.

The doctor was surprised to see his happy demeanor.

Doctor: โ€œWhat is the secret of your good health?โ€

Old man: โ€œI get up before the sun rises and go out for cycling. And then come back and drink two glasses ofย wine!

Maybe this is the secret of my health.โ€

Doctor: โ€œOkay, but can I ask you how old was your father when he died?โ€

Old man: โ€œMy father died! Who told you that he died?!โ€

Doctor (surprised): โ€œYou mean that you are 80 years old, and your father is still alive? So how old is he now?โ€

Old man: โ€œHe is 102 years old and cycled with me this morning and then took two glasses of wine.โ€

Doctor: โ€œThis is very good. This means that the long life is in your familyโ€™s genes. So, how old was your grandfather when he died?โ€

Old man: โ€œMy grandfather died! Who told you that he died?!โ€

Doctor (puzzled): โ€œYou mean that you are 80 years old, and your grandfather is still alive very much! What is his age?โ€

Old man: โ€œYes, he is 123 years old.โ€

Doctor: โ€œIย think he too must have cycled with you this morning and taken wine too?โ€

Old man: โ€œNo, Grandpa could not go this morning, because he is getting married today.โ€

Doctor (on the verge of going mad): โ€œWhy would he want to get married at the age of 123?โ€

Old man: โ€œWho said he wanted to get married? He had to be forced.โ€

Doctor (shouted): โ€œBut why?!โ€

Old man: โ€œThe Girl is pregnant, thatโ€™s why.โ€

The doctor has been cycling regularly and drinking wine ever since. The clinic is closed.

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My granny started cycling at 97 years old. She has been doing ten miles per day.

And now we donโ€™t know where the heck she is!

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How do you know itโ€™s time to retire?

Itโ€™s when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it!

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