Old Age Jokes

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Old Age Jokes

A reporter was interviewing a 102-year-old woman.

“What’s the secret to your longevity?”, he asked.

Old woman: “Simple. The biggest cause of aging is stress, and the biggest cause of stress is arguing with people. So I never argue with anyone.”

The reporter laughed, “That’s ridiculous. That can’t be the real reason.”

The old lady smiled and nodded, “You’re probably right.”

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Marri-Age and Old-Age

Relative: “You are getting old. You should get married now.”

Me: “Will that stop aging?”

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In their small village, a couple was famous for the husband being 102 years old and his wife being 98 years old, and both in terrific condition, working their farm every day and having the bodies of much younger people.

One day, a visitor to the village, curious about the couple, approached the old man at his farm. The old man was cutting wood without a shirt on, sweat glistening on a body that seemed to belong to a man half his age.

The visitor introduced himself and asked the old man, “I hear you are 102!”

“That’s correct,” said the old man with a smile.

“Wow, I must say, you look in amazing shape!”

“Thank you,” said the old man humbly.

“Do you mind if I ask...”

“How am I this healthy at my age?” finished the old man. “Help me carry this wood back home, and I’ll tell you.”

The visitor agrees and they make their way inside.

“You see,” said the old man, “I’ve been married for 75 years. Now, when we got married, I made a little arrangement with the wife. Every time we have an argument, the loser of said argument must run for 5 kilometers. Seeing as we have a pretty typical marriage, I’ve been running 5 kilometers almost every day for 75 years! That’s why I’m in the great shape I am.”

“But if that’s the case,” said the puzzled visitor, “how come your wife is in such great shape too?”

“Well,” smiled the old man, “she usually runs after me to make sure I finish the whole five.”

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John, a wealthy 60 year old man, shows up at the country club one day with his new wife, a smoking hot 22 year old blonde.

His buddies are amazed, “There is no way someone that young and attractive would agree to marry an old geezer like you. How did you pull it off?”

“It’s simple,” John says, “I lied to her about my age.”

“Did you tell her you were 50?” his friends ask.

John shakes his head no.

“There is no way she could believe you were 40.”

John shakes his head again.

Friends: “So how old did you tell her you were exactly?”

John smiles and says, “85.”

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One benefit of old age is that your secrets are safe with your friends, they can’t remember them either!

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Getting old certainly has its benefits.

Every birthday party is a surprise birthday party when you reach 80 years of age.

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If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?

Their age.

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An 80-year-old man went to the doctor for a general check-up.

The doctor was surprised to see his happy demeanor.

Doctor: “What is the secret of your good health?”

Old man: “I get up before the sun rises and go out for cycling. And then come back and drink two glasses of wine!

Maybe this is the secret of my health.”

Doctor: “Okay, but can I ask you how old was your father when he died?”

Old man: “My father died! Who told you that he died?!”

Doctor (surprised): “You mean that you are 80 years old, and your father is still alive? So how old is he now?”

Old man: “He is 102 years old and cycled with me this morning and then took two glasses of wine.”

Doctor: “This is very good. This means that the long life is in your family’s genes. So, how old was your grandfather when he died?”

Old man: “My grandfather died! Who told you that he died?!”

Doctor (puzzled): “You mean that you are 80 years old, and your grandfather is still alive very much! What is his age?”

Old man: “Yes, he is 123 years old.”

Doctor: “I think he too must have cycled with you this morning and taken wine too?”

Old man: “No, Grandpa could not go this morning, because he is getting married today.”

Doctor (on the verge of going mad): “Why would he want to get married at the age of 123?”

Old man: “Who said he wanted to get married? He had to be forced.”

Doctor (shouted): “But why?!”

Old man: “The Girl is pregnant, that’s why.”

The doctor has been cycling regularly and drinking wine ever since. The clinic is closed.

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My granny started cycling at 97 years old. She has been doing ten miles per day.

And now we don’t know where the heck she is!

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How do you know it’s time to retire?

It’s when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it!

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