Enjoy our team's carefully selected Office Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
The best part about working in an office is that if you ever forget that you got a haircut, someone will definitely point it out to you.
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When I got to work Monday, I was limping something awful. My boss noticed and asked me what had happened.
I told him, โOh, nothing. Itโs just an old football injury that acts up once in a while.โ
My boss eyed me suspiciously and said, โGee, I never knew you played football.โ
I said, โWell, I donโt. I hurt it yesterday when I lost $100 on New York Jets. I put my foot through the television...โ
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A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall and idly picking his teeth. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.
He asked the guy, โHow much money do you make a week?โ
A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, โI make a little over $400 dollars a week, why?โ
The CEO said, โWait right here.โ
He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, โHereโs four weeksโ pay. Now GET OUT and donโt come back.โ
Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked, โDoes anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?โ
From across the room a voice said, โSure, he was the Pizza delivery guy from Dominoโs and was just waiting to collect the money.โ
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What do your boss and a slinky have in common?
Theyโre both fun to watch tumble down the stairs.
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Our computers went down at work today, so I had to play Solitaire with a real deck of cards.
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To whoever stole my Microsoft Office:
Iโm coming after you. You have my Word!
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A local lawyer was sitting in his office the other morning when in walked a beautiful young lady.
Without any preliminaries she said she wanted a divorce.
โOn what grounds?โ asked the lawyer.
โI donโt think he is faithful to me,โ she replied.
โAnd what makes you think he isnโt faithful?โ asked the lawyer.
โWell,โ replied the young lady, โI donโt think he is the father of my child.โ
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My interviewer leaned back in his chair and said, โForget everything you learned in college. You wonโt need it working here.โ
โBut I never went to college,โ I replied.
โWell then, Iโm sorry. You are underqualified to work here,โ he said, as he showed me the door.
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A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde worked as office assistants for Mrs. Jessell.
They realized that Mrs. Jessell was leaving work early every day, so one day they decided that when she left early, theyโd sneak out a few minutes later.
Minutes after Mrs. Jessell left, they all did the same.
The brunette took a nap.
The redhead got ready for a date.
The blonde went over to her boyfriends house. When she walked in, she saw Mrs. Jessell and her boyfriend smooching on the couch. She backed out the door without them noticing her, feeling very shaky.
The next afternoon, after Mrs. Jessell left work early, the brunette and redhead said they were going to go home as well. But the still shaky blond decided to stay behind.
โWhy?โ they asked her.
โBecause,โ she replied, โyesterday I almost got caught!โ
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This guy was sitting in his attorneyโs office.
His lawyer says, โDo you want the bad news first or the terrible news?โ
โGive me the bad news first,โ he says.
โYour wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars,โ his lawyer informs him.
โThatโs the bad news?โ asks the man incredulously. โI canโt wait to hear the terrible news.โ
โThe terrible news is that itโs of you and your secretary.โ
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Brunette Mary and blonde Liz were talking in the office one day.
Mary: โWow, that is some cold you have, Liz.โ
Liz: โTell me about it. I just cannot get rid of it.โ
Mary: โTry some Cold-Doc 3. I have a bottle in my desk. Just take 3 tablespoons before you go to bed and youโll be fine. Here ya go.โ
Liz: โThanks, Iโll give it a try.โ
Next Day Liz was standing by her desk jumping up and down, waving her arms in the air and kicking her legs out.
Mary: โLiz, It is nice to see you are feeling better. Is that a new dance?โ
Liz: โOh No, I still donโt feel that great. I took the medicine you gave me and just realized it said to shake well before using.โ
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I got a job at a paperless office.
Everything was great until I needed to use the bathroom.
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Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
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