Jokes About Office

Enjoy our team's carefully selected Office Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!

Office Jokes

I bought some blue shoes to wear to the office.

But they made me feel downright feet-talistic.

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I told my boss I was feeling blue, so he painted my office the color of the ocean. Now I’m working in a sea of tranquility.

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A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

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Remember that one time when you had to get out of bed and actually commute to your office?

Yeah, me neither.

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The best part about working in an office is that if you ever forget that you got a haircut, someone will definitely point it out to you.

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When I got to work Monday, I was limping something awful. My boss noticed and asked me what had happened.

I told him, β€œOh, nothing. It’s just an old football injury that acts up once in a while.”

My boss eyed me suspiciously and said, β€œGee, I never knew you played football.”

I said, β€œWell, I don’t. I hurt it yesterday when I lost $100 on New York Jets. I put my foot through the television...”

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A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall and idly picking his teeth. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.

He asked the guy, β€œHow much money do you make a week?”

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, β€œI make a little over $400 a week, why?”

The CEO said, β€œWait right here.”

He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, β€œHere’s four weeks’ pay. Now GET OUT and don’t come back.”

Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked, β€œDoes anyone want to tell me what that goofball did here?”

From across the room, a voice said, β€œSure, he was the Pizza delivery guy and was just waiting to collect the money.”

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What do your boss and a slinky have in common?

They’re both fun to watch tumble down the stairs.

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Our computers went down at work today, so I had to play Solitaire with a real deck of cards.

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To whoever stole my Microsoft Office:

I’m coming after you. You have my Word!

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A local lawyer was sitting in his office the other morning when in walked a beautiful young lady.

Without any preliminaries, she said she wanted a divorce.

β€œOn what grounds?” asked the lawyer.

β€œI don’t think he is faithful to me,” she replied.

β€œAnd what makes you think he isn’t faithful?” asked the lawyer.

β€œWell,” replied the young lady, β€œI don’t think he is the father of my child.”

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This guy was sitting in his attorney’s office.

His lawyer says, β€œDo you want the bad news first or the terrible news?”

β€œGive me the bad news first,” he says.

β€œYour wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars,” his lawyer informs him.

β€œThat’s the bad news?” asks the man incredulously. β€œI can’t wait to hear the terrible news.”

β€œThe terrible news is that it’s of you and your secretary.”

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Brunette Mary and blonde Liz were talking in the office one day.

Mary: β€œWow, that is some cold you have, Liz.”

Liz: β€œTell me about it. I just cannot get rid of it.”

Mary: β€œTry some Cold-Doc 3. I have a bottle on my desk. Just take 3 tablespoons before you go to bed and you’ll be fine. Here ya go.”

Liz: β€œThanks, I’ll give it a try.”

The next day Liz was standing by her desk jumping up and down, waving her arms in the air, and kicking her legs out.

Mary: β€œLiz, It is nice to see you are feeling better. Is that a new dance?”

Liz: β€œOh No, I still don’t feel that great. I took the medicine you gave me and just realized it said to shake well before using.”

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I got a job at a paperless office.

Everything was great until I needed to use the bathroom.

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Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?

You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

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