Nurse Jokes



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Nurse Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



Nurse Jokes


Why did the registeredย nurse tiptoe past the medicine room?

Because she didnโ€™t want to wake up the sleeping pills.

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Registered nurse: โ€œSorry for the wait!โ€

Man: โ€œItโ€™s alright, Iโ€™m patient.โ€

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To her credit, the registeredย nurse that prepped my father for his vasectomy was very gentle and pretty sure she didnโ€™t mean to be unkind.

But he didnโ€™t think it was very nice of her to say, โ€œJust a little prick, sir.โ€

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Why should you always be kind to registeredย nurses?

Remember that they choose your catheter size.

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What did the registered nurse say to the medicine maker when he got sick?

โ€œLet me give you a taste of your own medicine.โ€

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What do elves and registeredย nurses have in common?

They both do all the work and one guy in an oversized coat gets all the credit.

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Why doย registered nurses bring a red crayon to work?

In case, they have to draw blood.

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How many registered nurses does it take to change a light bulb?

None, theyโ€™ll delegate it to the nursing assistants, but theyโ€™ll check the vital signs just in case.

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Why did the registered nurse bring a ladder to work?

To take care of high blood pressure.

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Nurse: โ€œDoctor, what is the medicine on this prescription? I went to 50 pharmacies and still couldnโ€™t find one.โ€

Doctor: โ€œI was just checking if my pen works.โ€

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What do you call a group of nurses who are musicians?

Band aides.

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How many triage nurses does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but the bulb will have to spend four hours in the waiting room.

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How can nursing be a dream job?

If there were no patients and doctors.

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How long does it take for a physician to change a light bulb?

As long as it takes to find a nurse.

How long does it take for the nurse to change the light bulb?

30 seconds, but 45 minutes to document it.

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What kind of fish works in a hospital?

Nurse shark.

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Yo mama so ugly when she was born, the nurse said, โ€œI think it is a child...โ€

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Nurse: โ€œPlease wait 5 minutes for me to deliver your baby.โ€

Patient: โ€œNo thanks, Iโ€™d like my baby to keep her liver.โ€

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I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labour and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, โ€œCongratulations sir, youโ€™re the new father of twins!โ€

The man replied, โ€œHow about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company.โ€

The man then followed the woman to his wifeโ€™s room.

About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smithโ€™s wife has just had triplets.

Mr. Smith stood up and said, โ€œWell, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company.โ€

The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave.

When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, โ€œI think I need a breath of fresh air,โ€ the man continued, โ€œI work for 7-UP.โ€

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Dear Justin Bieber haters, please respect him.

I owe my life to Justin.

Last August 16, 2014, I was in a coma for 4 months due to a terrible car accident. One day, my nurse turned the radio to Justinโ€™s song.

So I got up... and turned off the radio.

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Doctor: โ€œWhoโ€™s my next patient?โ€

Nurse: โ€œMr. Ghost.โ€

Doctor: โ€œTell him I canโ€™t see right now.โ€

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