Enjoy our team's carefully selected Nose Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
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I met a nun that wiped her nose on her clothes.
She had a nasty habit.
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I was under the blues.
So I had to blue my nose occasionally.
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What did one blue eye say to the other?
Between us, something smells.
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Why do Troy State students have such beautiful noses?
They’re hand picked.
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How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
From a catalog.
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Why doesn’t Voldemort have glasses?
Nobody nose.
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Why did the Smiley moji :-) drop the nose :)?
It was too negative.
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My crush told me I smelled nice.
Then she asked me where I bought my cologne so she could buy her boyfriend some.
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As a child, a lot of kids would shove things up their noses.
Did you use a bowling ball that they never got out again?
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What is in a ghost’s nose?
Boo-gers.
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Why was the snowman looking through a pile of carrots?
He was picking his nose.
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My sister said I’m being immature.
I guess she isn’t getting her nose back.
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A man enters a pet shop and wants to buy a polar bear.
The shop assistant takes the man to the bear’s cage and says, “The polar bear is absolutely tamed, but whatever you do, don’t touch his nose.”
The man goes home with his new pet and everything is OK.
Until the man can’t no longer withstand, “I have to try what happens when I touch his nose!”
So he touches the nose and the polar bear leaps towards him and chases the man throughout the house.
Finally, the man runs out of breath and the polar bear catches him.
With his paw, the bear taps the man’s shoulder and says, “You are it!”
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You know what they say “Big shoes, big nose, big hands”?
Probably a clown.
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You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your friends’ noses.
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I’m a clown... and everyone nose.
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What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody nose.
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Yo mama so stupid she tried to smell her own nose.
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A woman comes from a restaurant and ate a lot of beans.
When she gets home, his husband puts a blindfold on hair and says not to take it off.
The lady hears her husband leave the room and starts farting really loudly.
When the husband comes back and takes off the blindfold the lady sees 12 people with pegs on their noses singing “Happy birthday!”.
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Friend 1: “My dog rolled around in the mud all day. How does he smell?”
Friend 2: “Like dirt?”
Friend 1: “Nope, with his nose.”
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If my nose runs, should I catch it?
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What smells the best at a Thanksgiving dinner?
Your nose.
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Me and my buddy were going to go pro, but we couldn’t play because we had sinus problems... No one would sign us up.
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My sinus infection is really getting into the Christmas Spirit.
It’s all coming out green and red.
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Yesterday I went to the doctor with a sinus infection.
But he told me it was all in my head.
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I used to have a problem with my sinuses.
Until I bought a calculator.
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“Man, my sinuses are on fire!”
“An allergy?”
“No, a metaphor.”
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Remember:
It’s impolite to ask people questions about their sinuses because that’s their personal business.
Don’t be nosy.
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My wife has a sinus condition that suppresses her ability to detect odors.
But she gets offended when I tell people that she doesn’t smell good.
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The insects that smell the best are deodor-ants.
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My brother wanted a dinosaur as a gift for his birthday.
Then I told him, “They’re all extinct.”
Hearing that, he said, “No, I don’t want a stinky dinosaur.”
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My 2 year old sister’s stinky feet were smelling like cheese.
My dad was wondering what happened, so I told him that she had chee-toes.
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Light can be measured, and so can sound.
Smell can also be measured, by scentimeters.
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My mom’s sister is good at cleaning stuff, especially any stinky laundry.
We call her a deodor-aunt.
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There was a company that sent people to everyone’s homes and claimed that they could track you from your smell.
But they couldn’t do that without your con-scent.
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There was a bad smell coming from a dumpster.
So, my mother made my sister burn some spices to cover it.
She used pap-reek-her.
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There’s a reason our nose is in the middle of our face.
It’s because that’s the scenter.
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I once saw a hippo that had a sinus infection.
I named it “The heaposnotamus”.
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The thing people overlook most of the time is their noses.
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The punctuation that smells the best is semi-cologne.
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I was sick and told my mom I had a runny nose.
She told me, “You should tell it to walk instead.”
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The nose was very tired because it kept running.
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One day at football practice, the nose was sad.
It was probably because he didn’t get picked.
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My mom got the flu.
She said that it was like her nose went on strike.
I suggested, “You should picket.”
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I decided to make a witty perfume.
My colleague said the most important component should be the scents of humor.
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This Halloween, Gucci sold out all of their $500 scented candles.
Some people seem to have so many dollars but not enough scents.
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I accidentally sprayed some deodorant in my mouth today.
Now whenever I’m talking, this weird axe-scent is coming out.
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Yesterday I complimented my dad that he smells good.
He just replied, “That’s because I use both my nostrils.”
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People always pick their noses, but I never did.
I have always liked the one nose that I was born with.
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I don’t like people who do not cover their mouths and noses when they sneeze.
These people make me sick.
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A man went to the doctor and said, “I think I am upside down.”
When the doctor asked why he felt like that, the man said, “Because my feet smell and my nose runs.”
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I bought a gold-scented candle and burned it.
It had a very rich aroma.
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I went to travel to the meadow where I always used to play when I was a child.
There were familiar scents all over.
It was very nose-talgic.
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Yo moma so lazy she sticks her nose out the door and let the air blow it.
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Yo mama’s so stupid she combs the hair in her nose and not on her head.
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Yo mama’s nose hairs are so long that they make Bobobo jealous!
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Yo mama’s breath is so bad that when she talks her nose hairs fall out.
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Yo mama so fat when she sat on a dollar bill she squeezed a booger out of George Washington’s nose.
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At first, I really hated the large pimple on my nose.
But it’s grown on me.
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When is it acceptable for a nose to be in a salad?
When it’s a snowman’s nose!
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An old lady goes to the doctor, super irritated.
She unloads on the doctor, “Doctor, my friends are all being awful people! They’re all telling me I fart all the time, and it’s just plain rude of them!
“Oh really?” The doctor says.
“YEAH! They’re ALL silent so I have no idea why they’d point them out. On top of all that, for them to tell me my gas is enough to gag a maggot. How could your friends say that!!”
“I see,” the doctor says.
“YEAH!! I’ve even felt a few fly out in the office and you’ve not had a SINGLE problem in this visit.”
“Here, take these pills, they should help you out.” The doctor says.
It’s been a day now, and the doctor’s pensively reviewing some charts, when all of a sudden the old lady busts into practice, shouting at the receptionist for the doctor to see her RIGHT AWAY.
She says, “Doctor, what the hell have you done with these pills?! I’m farting ALL THE TIME now and it smells like a landfill!”
After a deep breath, the doctor says, “Now that your nose is fixed, let’s work on your gas and ears.”
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A family was driving in their car through an Arizona desert.
When they ran into a family of skunks.
They stop the car and get out so that they could check on the family of skunks to make sure they were alright.
They found all of the skunks to be ok except for one little baby skunk.
The wife then asked the husband if they could take the baby skunk to the vet to get it the medical attention that it needed.
They come up at the California border checkpoint and the wife starts freaking out, “There’s no way they let us take this skunk across the border, what are we gonna do?”
The husband thinks for a second and says, “Hey I got it! Take the baby skunk and put it under your dress.”
The wife replies, “Well what about the smell?”
The husband says, “It’ll be alright, just hold its nose.”
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Everyone knows about Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer.
But few know about Harold the Brown Nose Reindeer.
He was as strong as the rest, and could fly as high... he just couldn’t stop as fast.
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I lost my watch at a party once.
An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was harassing some woman at that party.
Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose.
“No one does that to a woman, not on my watch!”
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I have 4 noses, 10 eyes, 20 legs, and 6 fingers, What am I?
Ugly.
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Pulled out a couple of nose hairs to see if it hurts.
Judging by the reaction of the man asleep next to me on the train, it seems very painful.
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One eye told the other, “Between you and me, something smells.”
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Snowmen like carrot cake because it tastes like boogers.
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What’s the best thing about being an anteater?
You’re born with a built-in straw!
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There are three moles at the bottom of their mole hole.
The first mole—daddy mole—wakes up, climbs to the top, sticks his nose out, and says, “Mmmmm... I smell bacon!”
Mommy mole wakes up. She climbs to the top, sticks her nose out, and says, “Mmmmm... I smell pancakes!”
Baby mole wakes up. He climbs up but gets stuck behind his mom and dad.
He takes a big whiff and says, “All I can smell is molasses!”
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Why is it that your nose runs, but your feet smell?
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My friend was ill and had a runny nose she couldn’t fix.
I suggested, “Break its legs.”
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If cows laughed, milk would come out of their noses.
I guess that’s why they moo.
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The best way to keep a skunk from smelling is to hold its nose.
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Why do anteaters never get colds?
Because their noses are full of anty-bodies!
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