New Year’s Eve Jokes

Enjoy our team's carefully selected New Year’s Eve Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!

New Year’s Eve Jokes

On New Year’s Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready.

At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.

As the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death.

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What do farmers give their wives at midnight on New Year’s Eve?

Hogs and kisses.

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Where can you find comedians on New Year’s Eve?

Waiting for the punchline.

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New Year’s Eve forecast:

Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.

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What do you call always wanting a date for New Year’s Eve?

Social Security.

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What’s the problem with jogging on New Year’s Eve?

The ice falls out of your drinks!

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An iPhone and a firework were arrested on New Year’s Eve.

One was charged and the other was let off.

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A woman took a nap on New Year’s Eve.

When she woke up, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year’s present. What do you think it all means?”

He replied, “Aha, you’ll know tonight!”

At midnight, her husband handed her a small gift-wrapped present.

Excited, she opened it quickly, but was even more surprised: In it was a book titled “The Meaning of Dreams”.

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An alcoholic wakes up in jail on New Year’s Eve.

He asks the first police officer he sees, “Why am I here?”

“For drinking,” replies the officer.

“Great,” says the man, “When do we start?”

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