Navy Jokes

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Navy Jokes

I went to a party once where everyone was dressed in blue.

It was like a sea of navy-tees.

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What do you call a sneaky blue bean?

A navy bean.

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A captain notices a light in the distance, on a collision course with his ship.

He turns on his signal lamp and sends, โ€œChange your course, 10 degrees west.โ€

The light signals back, โ€œChange yours, 10 degrees east.โ€

The captain gets a little annoyed.

He signals, โ€œIโ€™m a US Navy captain. You must change your course, sir.โ€

The light signals back, โ€œIโ€™m a Seaman First Class. You must change your course, sir.โ€

Now the captain is mad.

He signals, โ€œIโ€™m an aircraft carrier. Iโ€™m not changing my course.โ€

The light signals back a final message, โ€œIโ€™m a lighthouse. Your call.โ€

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Why does the North Korean navy have glass-bottom boats?

So they can see their air force.

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The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker among themselves is that they donโ€™t speak the same language.

For instance, take the simple phrase โ€œSecure the buildingโ€.

The Army would post guards around the place.

The Navy would turn out the lights and lock the doors.

The Marines would kill everyone inside and set up headquarters.

The Air Force would take out a five year lease with an option to buy.

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Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the side of their boats?

So when they come back to port they can...


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My Papa was a World War 2 Navy veteran, and he used to boast about how he saved 300+ sailors from dying from an excruciating death.

He shot the cook.

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The crusty navy chief noticed a new face and barked at him, โ€œGet over here! Whatโ€™s your name, sailor?โ€

โ€œJohn,โ€ the new seaman replied.

โ€œLook, I donโ€™t know what kind ofย foolishness theyโ€™re teaching sailors in boot camp these days, but I donโ€™t call anyone by his first name!โ€ the chief scowled.

โ€œIt breeds familiarity, and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my sailors by their last names only; Smith, Jones, Baker, Jackson, whatever.

And you are to refer to me as โ€˜Chiefโ€™. Do I make myself clear?!โ€

โ€œAye, Aye, Chief!โ€

โ€œNow that weโ€™ve got that straight, whatโ€™s your last name?โ€

The seaman sighed, โ€œDarling, My name is John Darling, Chief.โ€

โ€œOkay, John, hereโ€™s what I want you to do โ€ฆโ€

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How do people in the navy work from home?

Play Battleship.

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