Navy Jokes

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Navy Jokes

A captain notices a light in the distance, on a collision course with his ship.

He turns on his signal lamp and sends, “Change your course, 10 degrees west.”

The light signals back, “Change yours, 10 degrees east.”

The captain gets a little annoyed.

He signals, “I’m a US Navy captain. You must change your course, sir.”

The light signals back, “I’m a Seaman First Class. You must change your course, sir.”

Now the captain is mad.

He signals, “I’m an aircraft carrier. I’m not changing my course.”

The light signals back a final message, “I’m a lighthouse. Your call.”

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Why does the North Korean navy have glass-bottom boats?

So they can see their air force.

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The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker among themselves is that they don’t speak the same language.

For instance, take the simple phrase “Secure the building”.

The Army would post guards around the place.

The Navy would turn out the lights and lock the doors.

The Marines would kill everyone inside and set up headquarters.

The Air Force would take out a five year lease with an option to buy.

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Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the side of their boats?

So when they come back to port they can...


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My Papa was a World War 2 Navy veteran, and he used to boast about how he saved 300+ sailors from dying from an excruciating death.

He shot the cook.

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The crusty navy chief noticed a new face and barked at him, “Get over here! What’s your name, sailor?”

“John,” the new seaman replied.

“Look, I don’t know what kind of foolishness they’re teaching sailors in boot camp these days, but I don’t call anyone by his first name!” the chief scowled.

“It breeds familiarity, and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my sailors by their last names only; Smith, Jones, Baker, Jackson, whatever.

And you are to refer to me as ‘Chief’. Do I make myself clear?!”

“Aye, Aye, Chief!”

“Now that we’ve got that straight, what’s your last name?”

The seaman sighed, “Darling, My name is John Darling, Chief.”

“Okay, John, here’s what I want you to do …”

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How do people in the navy work from home?

Play Battleship.

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