Name Jokes, Puns and One-Liners
Enjoy our team's carefully selected Name Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
What do you call a man with a rubber toe?
Roberto.
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The crusty navy chief noticed a new face and barked at him, “Get over here! What’s your name, sailor?”
“John,” the new seaman replied.
“Look, I don’t know what kind of foolishness they’re teaching sailors in boot camp these days, but I don’t call anyone by his first name!” the chief scowled.
“It breeds familiarity, and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my sailors by their last names only; Smith, Jones, Baker, Jackson, whatever.
And you are to refer to me as ‘Chief’. Do I make myself clear?!”
“Aye, Aye, Chief!”
“Now that we’ve got that straight, what’s your last name?”
The seaman sighed, “Darling, My name is John Darling, Chief.”
“Okay, John, here’s what I want you to do …”
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A Sunni and a Shia Muslim have a child together.
They name her Sushi.
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To what would you change the name of a kid named Hunter if he becomes a vegetarian?
Gatherer.
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Did you hear about Bruce Lee’s vegetarian brother? His name was Brocco Lee.
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If a cowboy rides into town on Friday and three days later, leaves on Friday, how does he do it?
The horse’s name is Friday!
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What’s a mountain goat’s favorite name?
Cliff.
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When I see lovers’ names carved in a tree, I don’t think it’s sweet.
I just think it’s surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
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Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs.
Right in the middle of the cemetery, they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.
Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
“Holy cow, Mister,” one of them said after catching his breath, “You scared us half to death — we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?”
“Those fools!” the old man grumbled. “They misspelled my name!”
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What’s the name of the Democratic skeleton from Brooklyn, New York who’s running for president?
Bony Sanders.
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What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in a hot dog bun?
Frank.
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Hot dogs really should be renamed to hot wolves... They always come in packs.
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Son: “Dad, why did you and mom name my sister Rose?”
Dad: “Because your mother loves Roses.”
Son: “Oh... OK. Thanks, Dad!”
Dad: “No problem, Costco Hot Dog.”
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What would Wonder Woman and Spider-Man name their business?
Amazon Web Services.
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Why does Spider-Man get so frustrated with the World Wide Web?
Because Google thinks his name is Spiderman, not Spider-Man!
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What is the name of Dr. Strange’s cousin who can’t do magic?
Doctor Normal.
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What was the name of the first satellite to orbit the Earth?
The moon.
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I went to a church men’s campout a few years back. Everyone was sitting around the fire cooking breakfast.
Joe, an old-time rancher, starts cooking some homemade sausage.
A few minutes go by, then someone asks, “Hey Joe, what kind of sausage is that? It smells good.”
“To which Joe replies, “Chocolate sausage.”
This gets everyone’s attention.
When the sausage finished cooking, Joe offers a piece to anyone who wanted to try it.
A few of the guys take a cut and eat it, then get confused looks on their faces.
The same guy asks Joe again, “This doesn’t taste any different than normal sausage. Chocolate?..”
Still waking up, Joe clears his throat and says, “The horse was named Chocolate.”
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Guess what the name of my new computer processor is?
Chip.
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If Daenerys from Game of Thrones married Khal Moro instead of Khal Drogo, guess what she would’ve named her biggest dragon?
Moron.
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I’ve heard Dunkin’ Donuts is going to be the official sponsor of No Nut November.
Their name will be Dunkin’ Nonuts for a month.
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Zoom meetings is a stupid name, and it’s branded.
We should call it a bit more casual like “coworker video chat” or something shorter, like “co-vid”.
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What would be the first thing communists do if they ruled the solar system?
Rename Uranus to Ouranus.
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Did you know that all the planets in the solar system are named after a god?
Except earth, which is named after all that stuff on the ground.
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I think Saturn’s name is the best in our solar system.
It has a nice ring to it.
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What is another fancy name for a sun fart?
A solar flare.
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My racehorse’s name is Mayo. Sometimes, Mayo neighs.
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What do you call people who were born on Friday the 13th?
By their names.
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A young Jewish mom walks her son to the school bus corner on his first day of kindergarten.
“Behave, my bubaleh,” she says.
“Take good care of yourself and think about your mother, tataleh!”
“And come right back home on the bus, schein kindaleh.”
“Your mommy loves you a lot, my ketsaleh!”
At the end of the school day, the bus comes back and she runs to her son and hugs him.
“So what did my pupaleh learn on his first day of school?”
The boy answers, “I learned my name is David.”
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A woman walks into the Social Worker’s office, trailed by 15 kids.
“WOW!” the social worker exclaims, “Are they ALL yours?”
“Yeah, they’re all mine,” the flustered mother sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.
She says, “Sit down Terry.” All the children rush to find seats.
“Well,” says the social worker, “then you must be here to sign up. I’ll need all your children’s names.”
“This one’s my oldest – he is Terry.”
“OK, and who’s next?”
“Well, this one he is Terry, also.”
The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Terry.
Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Terri.
“All right,” says the caseworker, “I’m seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL named Terri?”
Their Mother replied, “Well, yes, it makes it easier. When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell “Terry!”, and when it’s time for dinner, I just yell “Terry!”, and they all come running.
And if I need to stop the kid who’s running into the street, I just yell Terry and all of them stop. It’s the smartest idea I ever had, naming them all Terry.”
The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, “But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?”
“I call them by their surnames.”
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A guy is standing in the street shouting out, “I am God! I am God!”
The police call a social worker who comes over to see if he can help.
Walking up to the guy he asks, “What is your name?”
“I am God,” the guy replies getting agitated.
The social worker says, “Calm down. Why don’t we go into this coffee shop, sit down and have a talk.”
As soon as they enter the shop the barista looks at the guy and exclaims, “Oh God, not you again!?”
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Man tries to open a bank account.
Teller asks him, “Your name?”
“J-j-jj-hhh-on S-ss-mm-i-tthh.”
“Oh, you stutter?”
“No, my dad did, but the person, who did by birth certificate, was a complete moron!”
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Why did the owner name his racehorse “Bad News”?
Because bad news travels fast.
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What do you call a man who falls overboard and can’t swim?
Bob.
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What do you call a woman with a frog on her head?
Lilly.
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What do you call a man who stamps letters at the post office for a living?
Frank.
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What do you call a man who has cat scratches all over his face?
Claude.
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What do you call a man who fixes potholes for a living?
Phil.
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What do you call a lady who is hanging from a roof?
Eve.
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What do you call a man who is always sitting on the toilet?
Lou.
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What do you call a man who is unable to stand up?
Neal.
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What do you call a man who keeps vomiting?
Chuck.
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What do you call a man who is always stealing stuff?
Rob.
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On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, “What are your parents’ names?”
The student replied, “My father’s name is Laughing and my mother’s name is Smiling.”
The teacher said, “Are you kidding?”
The student said, “No, Kidding is my brother. I am Joking.”
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