Jokes About Mustaches



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Mustache Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



Mustache Jokes


I just paid for a full haircut, conditioner, neck and scalp massage, face shave and then mustache trim and wax.

It’s my wife’s birthday and I thought, “What the hell! I’ll treat her.”

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Yo mama has so much hair on her upper lip, it looks like Ewoks having a party when she talks.

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What does every poet with a mustache dream of?

To have facial hair like Shakes-beard.

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Why did the man intentionally get kicked in the face by a horse?

He wanted a horseshoe mustache.

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An American goes to the train station so he can start his big trip.

He notices there a machine with the indication: “Put a dollar in the slot and the machine will tell you who you are!”

Curious, he puts the dollar inside the slot and waits.

The machine suddenly sounds:

“You’re John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You’re about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago.”

The man blacked out with the machine’s ability.

So, he decided to trick the machine.

He wore a fake mustache and putted another dollar inside the slot.

“You’re John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You’re about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago,” says the machine.

“But it’s impossible!” screamed the man, acquiring a maniac need to trick the machine.

He ran to the toilet and disguised as an Arab.

Then, he did the same routine.

“You’re John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You’re about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago.”

Furious then, he disguises as a woman and puts the dollar as usual in the slot.

“You’re John Bull, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall, 90 kilos and with your bullshits you... lost the train!”

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I always seem to say the wrong thing. For example yesterday I complimented my best friend’s mustache.

Now she’s not talking to me.

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Little Johnny yells upstairs: “Dad, there’s a salesman here with a mustache.”

“Tell him I’ve got one.”

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Whenever I see a man with a beard, mustache and glasses, I think

“There’s a man who has taken every precaution to avoid people doodling on photographs of him.”

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