Jokes About Mustaches



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Mustache Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



Mustache Jokes


I mustache Mario a question, but Iโ€™ll shave it for later.

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I just paid for a full haircut, conditioner, neck and scalp massage, face shave and then mustache trim and wax.

Itโ€™s my wifeโ€™s birthday and I thought, โ€œWhat the hell! Iโ€™ll treat her.โ€

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Yo mama has so much hair on her upper lip it looks like Ewoks having a party when she talks.

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What does every poet with a mustache dream of?

To have facial hair like Shakes-beard.

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Why did the man intentionally get kicked in the face by a horse?

He wanted a horseshoe mustache.

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An American goes to the train station so he can start his big trip.

He notices there a machine with the indication: โ€œPut a dollar in the slot and the machine will tell you who you are!โ€

Curious, he puts the dollar inside the slot and waits.

The machine suddenly sounds:

โ€œYouโ€™re John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. Youโ€™re about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago.โ€

The man blacked out with the machineโ€™s ability.

So, he decided to trick the machine.

He wore a fake mustache and putted another dollar inside the slot.

โ€œYouโ€™re John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. Youโ€™re about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago,โ€ says the machine.

โ€œBut itโ€™s impossible!โ€ screamed the man, acquiring a maniac need to trick the machine.

He ran to the toilet and disguised as an Arab.

Then, he did the same routine.

โ€œYouโ€™re John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. Youโ€™re about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago.โ€

Furious then, he disguises as a woman and puts the dollar as usual in the slot.

โ€œYouโ€™re John Bull, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall, 90 kilos and with your bullshits you... lost the train!โ€

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I always seem to say the wrong thing. For example yesterday I complimented my best friendโ€™s mustache.

Now sheโ€™s not talking to me.

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Little Johnny yells upstairs: โ€œDad, thereโ€™s a salesman here with a mustache.โ€

โ€œTell him Iโ€™ve got one.โ€

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Whenever I see a man with a beard, mustache and glasses, I think

โ€œThereโ€™s a man who has taken every precaution to avoid people doodling on photographs of him.โ€

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