Jokes on Music
Enjoy our team's carefully selected Music Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
The best way to find a Puerto Rican?
Turn off the music and listen for the complaints.
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Why did the llama win the rap battle?
Because he was good at spitting.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a bass player’s arm?
A tattoo.
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What do you call a bass player who broke up with his girlfriend?
Homeless.
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A friend gave me a free guitar the other day, but I’ve been having trouble playing it.
I guess I can’t complain though, it’s not often someone just gives you something with no strings attached.
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I found a pebble that looked like a guitar pick.
Must be for rock music.
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“Why are you using our daughter as a guitar?” my wife asked.
“You told me to rock her to sleep,” I replied.
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What is God’s favorite guitar chord?
G-Sus.
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What a strange morning.
First, I find a hat full of money in the street.
And then I get chased by an angry guy with a guitar!
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I was carrying my ukulele in its case at school, and my friend asked, “You play an instrument?”
I replied, “Yeah, I play a little guitar.”
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A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection.
The judge asks her, “First offender?”
She says, “No, first a Gibson then a Fender.”
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My wife rotates playing her guitar, drum, or flute once a month.
It’s part of her minstrel cycle.
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I bought a guitar made out of diamond.
Now I can play some hard rock.
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Chuck Norris won a guitar battle with a violin.
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Why was Ginger the only real Spice Girl?
Because Cumin, Parsley, Basil and Garlic were rejected.
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How do you make a recipe pop with ginger?
Play “Spice Girls” songs while you cook.
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Lava is the hipster of the geology community.
It knew how to rock before it was cool.
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While in college, I got degrees in geology and astronomy.
I’m trying to become a rock star.
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A group of terrorists hijacked a plane full of drummers.
They called ground control with a list of demands. Then they told the negotiator if their demands aren’t met they will release one drummer an hour.
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A guy walks into the doctor’s office and says, “Doc, I haven’t had a bowel movement in a week!”
The doctor gives him a prescription for a mild laxative and tells him, “If it doesn’t work, let me know.”
A week later, the guy is back, “Doc, still no movement!”
The doctor says, “Hmm, guess you need something stronger,” and prescribes a powerful laxative.
Still another week later, the poor guy is back, “Doc, STILL nothing!”
The doctor, worried, says, “We’d better get some more information about you to try to figure out what’s going on. What do you do for a living?”
“I’m a musician, I play the drums.”
The doctor looks up and says, “Well, that’s it! Here’s $10. Go get something to eat!”
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My neighbor rang my door bell at 3 AM this morning. Can you believe it! 3 AM!!
Luckily I was still up playing the drums.
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What did the drummer call his twin sons?
Tom.
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What’s a drummer’s favorite vegetable?
Beets.
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I knew a drummer who became a policeman years ago.
He’s still pounding the beat.
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I used to be the drummer in a progressive 80s rock band called Prevention.
We were better than The Cure.
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The best gift I ever got was a broken drum.
You can’t beat it.
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What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two.
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Why was Michael Jackson bad at chess?
He couldn’t decide if he was black or white.
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The other day I visited the thrift shop and picked up an old record album called Sound of Wasps.
When I got home and played it I realised it didn’t sound anything like wasps!
Turns out I’d been playing the Bee side.
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What is a beaver’s favorite rap artist? Timber-land.
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Two new recruits were on the deck of a ship.
One turns to other and says, “It is awfully quiet on deck tonight. Isn’t it?”
Other recruit replies, “Everyone must be watching the band.”
“There is no band on this ship.”
“No, I definitely heard the captain say “A band on ship!”.
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Why shouldn’t you let kids watch big band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
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Have you heard of the band 999 Megabytes?
They’ve never had any gigs.
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The band The Doors have decided to change their name after the next member dies.
It’s gonna be Three Doors Down.
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A man walks into a bar, then goes to the bathroom. He comes out, goes to the bartender.
He says, “You’ve got a great place, but my buddy was here last night, and he said you have golden urinals. Where are they?” The bartender turns to the band and yells, “Frank, I’ve got a lead on the guy who ruined your sax!”
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What is Spider-Man’s favorite online music app?
Spot-a-fly.
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What does Michael Jackson have in common with NASA?
It’s been decades since their first moonwalk.
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What’s the National Donut Day theme song?
“Donut Stop Believing”.
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I sold a thousand CDs but only made enough money to buy one ice cream.
Probably because each CD was Milli Vanilli.
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Why did the DJ get disqualified from the 400m sprint?
He kept changing tracks.
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I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to fart.
The place was packed, but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my farts to the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs I started to feel much better.
I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me.
I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod (with earpiece).
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Stephen Sondheim, John Madden, and Betty White walk up to the Pearly Gates and St. Peter says, “We’re pretty full, so we’re making people pass additional tests.
I know this is going to sound weird, but God has been hanging out with Chuck Yeager this week, and he’s only letting in people who have a connection to Jets.”
All three sets of eyes light up.
Sondheim steps up and says, “I wrote the definitive American musical, and it was all about a gang called the Jets.”
St. Peter waves him through.
John Madden says, “I coached in a classic NFL game, where my Raiders beat the Jets on a last-second touchdown.”
Also gets waived through.
St. Peter says, “OK, Betty, what about you?”
She smiles and says, “If he’s really omniscient, he knows what I do in hot tubs...”
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I was in a taxi the other day and the driver said, “Do you mind if I put some music on?”
I said, “Not at all.”
He said, “‘Kiss?’”
I said, “Let’s listen to the music first and see how we feel”
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My neighbors listen to great music.
Whether they like it or not.
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What’s the difference between an orchestra and a bull?
On the bull the horns are in the front and the asshole is in the back.
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I play all the right notes, but not necessarily in the right order.
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“Somebody just gave me a shower radio.”
“Do you really want music in the shower?”
“I guess there’s no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.”
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Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.
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Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.
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Patient: “Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?”
Doctor: “Yes, of course.”
Patient: “Great! I never could before!”
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