Jokes on Music

Enjoy our team's carefully selected Music Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!

A man walks into a bar, then goes to the bathroom. He comes out, goes to the bartender.

He says, “You’ve got a great place, but my buddy was here last night, and he said you have golden urinals. Where are they?” The bartender turns to the band and yells, “Frank, I’ve got a lead on the guy who ruined your sax!”

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What is Spider-Man’s favorite online music app?

Spot-a-fly.

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What does Michael Jackson have in common with NASA?

It’s been decades since their first moonwalk.

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What’s the National Donut Day theme song?

“Donut Stop Believing”.

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I sold a thousand CDs but only made enough money to buy one ice cream.

Probably because each CD was Milli Vanilli.

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Why did the DJ get disqualified from the 400m sprint?

He kept changing tracks.

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I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to fart.

The place was packed, but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my farts to the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs I started to feel much better.

I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me.

I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod (with earpiece).

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Stephen Sondheim, John Madden, and Betty White walk up to the Pearly Gates and St. Peter says, “We’re pretty full, so we’re making people pass additional tests.

I know this is going to sound weird, but God has been hanging out with Chuck Yeager this week, and he’s only letting in people who have a connection to Jets.”

All three sets of eyes light up.

Sondheim steps up and says, “I wrote the definitive American musical, and it was all about a gang called the Jets.”

St. Peter waves him through.

John Madden says, “I coached in a classic NFL game, where my Raiders beat the Jets on a last-second touchdown.”

Also gets waived through.

St. Peter says, “OK, Betty, what about you?”

She smiles and says, “If he’s really omniscient, he knows what I do in hot tubs...”

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I was in a taxi the other day and the driver said, “Do you mind if I put some music on?”

I said, “Not at all.”

He said, “‘Kiss?’”

I said, “Let’s listen to the music first and see how we feel”

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My neighbors listen to great music.

Whether they like it or not.

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What’s the difference between an orchestra and a bull?

On the bull the horns are in the front and the asshole is in the back.

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I play all the right notes, but not necessarily in the right order.

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“Somebody just gave me a shower radio.”

“Do you really want music in the shower?”

“I guess there’s no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.”

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Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?

To reach the high notes.

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Why is a piano so hard to open?

Because the keys are on the inside.

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Patient: “Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?”

Doctor: “Yes, of course.”

Patient: “Great! I never could before!”

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