Jokes on Music

Enjoy our team's carefully selected Music Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!

Music Jokes

The best way to find a Puerto Rican?

Turn off the music and listen for the complaints.

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Why did the llama win the rap battle?

Because he was good at spitting.

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What do you call a beautiful woman on a bass player’s arm?

A tattoo.

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What do you call a bass player who broke up with his girlfriend?


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A friend gave me a free guitar the other day, but I’ve been having trouble playing it.

I guess I can’t complain though, it’s not often someone just gives you something with no strings attached.

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I found a pebble that looked like a guitar pick.

Must be for rock music.

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β€œWhy are you using our daughter as a guitar?” my wife asked.

β€œYou told me to rock her to sleep,” I replied.

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What is God’s favorite guitar chord?


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What a strange morning.

First, I find a hat full of money in the street.

And then I get chased by an angry guy with a guitar!

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I was carrying my ukulele in its case at school, and my friend asked, β€œYou play an instrument?”

I replied, β€œYeah, I play a little guitar.”

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A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection.

The judge asks her, β€œFirst offender?”

She says, β€œNo, first a Gibson then a Fender.”

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My wife rotates playing her guitar, drum, or flute once a month.

It’s part of her minstrel cycle.

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I bought a guitar made out of diamond.

Now I can play some hard rock.

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Chuck Norris won a guitar battle with a violin.

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Why was Ginger the only real Spice Girl?

Because Cumin, Parsley, Basil and Garlic were rejected.

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How do you make a recipe pop with ginger?

Play β€œSpice Girls” songs while you cook.

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Lava is the hipster of the geology community.

It knew how to rock before it was cool.

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While in college, I got degrees in geology and astronomy.

I’m trying to become a rock star.

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A group of terrorists hijacked a plane full of drummers.

They called ground control with a list of demands. Then they told the negotiator if their demands aren’t met they will release one drummer an hour.

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A guy walks into the doctor’s office and says, β€œDoc, I haven’t had a bowel movement in a week!”

The doctor gives him a prescription for a mild laxative and tells him, β€œIf it doesn’t work, let me know.”

A week later, the guy is back, β€œDoc, still no movement!”

The doctor says, β€œHmm, guess you need something stronger,” and prescribes a powerful laxative.

Still another week later, the poor guy is back, β€œDoc, STILL nothing!”

The doctor, worried, says, β€œWe’d better get some more information about you to try to figure out what’s going on. What do you do for a living?”

β€œI’m a musician, I play the drums.”

The doctor looks up and says, β€œWell, that’s it! Here’s $10. Go get something to eat!”

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My neighbor rang my door bell at 3 AM this morning. Can you believe it! 3 AM!!

Luckily I was still up playing the drums.

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What did the drummer call his twin sons?


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What’s a drummer’s favorite vegetable?


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I knew a drummer who became a policeman years ago.

He’s still pounding the beat.

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I used to be the drummer in a progressive 80s rock band called Prevention.

We were better than The Cure.

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The best gift I ever got was a broken drum.

You can’t beat it.

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What did the drummer call his twin daughters?

Anna one, Anna two.

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Why was Michael Jackson bad at chess?

He couldn’t decide if he was black or white.

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The other day I visited the thrift shop and picked up an old record album called Sound of Wasps.

When I got home and played it I realised it didn’t sound anything like wasps!

Turns out I’d been playing the Bee side.

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What is a beaver’s favorite rap artist? Timber-land.

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Two new recruits were on the deck of a ship.

One turns to other and says, β€œIt is awfully quiet on deck tonight. Isn’t it?”

Other recruit replies, β€œEveryone must be watching the band.”

β€œThere is no band on this ship.”

β€œNo, I definitely heard the captain say β€œA band on ship!”.

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Why shouldn’t you let kids watch big band performances on TV?

Too much sax and violins.

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Have you heard of the band 999 Megabytes?

They’ve never had any gigs.

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The band The Doors have decided to change their name after the next member dies.

It’s gonna be Three Doors Down.

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A man walks into a bar, then goes to the bathroom. He comes out, goes to the bartender.

He says, β€œYou’ve got a great place, but my buddy was here last night, and he said you have golden urinals. Where are they?” The bartender turns to the band and yells, β€œFrank, I’ve got a lead on the guy who ruined your sax!”

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What is Spider-Man’s favorite online music app?


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What does Michael Jackson have in common with NASA?

It’s been decades since their first moonwalk.

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What’s the National Donut Day theme song?

β€œDonut Stop Believing”.

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I sold a thousand CDs but only made enough money to buy one ice cream.

Probably because each CD was Milli Vanilli.

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Why did the DJ get disqualified from the 400m sprint?

He kept changing tracks.

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I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to fart.

The place was packed, but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my farts to the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs I started to feel much better.

I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me.

I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod (with earpiece).

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Stephen Sondheim, John Madden, and Betty White walk up to the Pearly Gates and St. Peter says, β€œWe’re pretty full, so we’re making people pass additional tests.

I know this is going to sound weird, but God has been hanging out with Chuck Yeager this week, and he’s only letting in people who have a connection to Jets.”

All three sets of eyes light up.

Sondheim steps up and says, β€œI wrote the definitive American musical, and it was all about a gang called the Jets.”

St. Peter waves him through.

John Madden says, β€œI coached in a classic NFL game, where my Raiders beat the Jets on a last-second touchdown.”

Also gets waived through.

St. Peter says, β€œOK, Betty, what about you?”

She smiles and says, β€œIf he’s really omniscient, he knows what I do in hot tubs...”

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I was in a taxi the other day and the driver said, β€œDo you mind if I put some music on?”

I said, β€œNot at all.”

He said, β€œβ€˜Kiss?’”

I said, β€œLet’s listen to the music first and see how we feel”

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My neighbors listen to great music.

Whether they like it or not.

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What’s the difference between an orchestra and a bull?

On the bull the horns are in the front and the asshole is in the back.

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I play all the right notes, but not necessarily in the right order.

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β€œSomebody just gave me a shower radio.”

β€œDo you really want music in the shower?”

β€œI guess there’s no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.”

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Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?

To reach the high notes.

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Why is a piano so hard to open?

Because the keys are on the inside.

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Patient: β€œDoctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?”

Doctor: β€œYes, of course.”

Patient: β€œGreat! I never could before!”

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