Enjoy our team's carefully selected Mushroom Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
Donβt walk through a field of mushrooms.
Itβs quite a tripping hazard.
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What type of mushrooms are the worst to have as friends?
Shiitalkin!
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Whatβs the difference between stormtroopers having a party and mushrooms being picked?
Oneβs bad guys having a fun time and the other oneβs fungi having a bad time!
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I tried to post my opinion on mushrooms
But it was a shiitake!
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My stomach doesnβt tolerate mushrooms.
They really give me a Shiitake.
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What do you call when you mix brandy, shiitake mushrooms, rat poison and a dash of vanilla essence?
The ambulance.
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Did you hear about the mushroom hunter who was terrible at finding edible mushrooms, so would resort to stealing them from the baskets of other hunters?
He had no morel compass.
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All mushrooms are edible.
But some mushrooms are only edible once.
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Mushrooms are the most virtuous of fungi...
they have the best morels.
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Why is it not worth it to hunt for mushrooms?
Itβs too much truffle.
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Whilst holidaying in France I saw a group of mushrooms performing Queen covers.
I said, βYouβre brilliant, whatβs the band called?β
They replied, βWe are the Champignons, my friend.β
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I met this dude once who was really into mushrooms.
He was a real fun guy.
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Why are mushrooms popular at parties?
Because everyone loves a fun guy.
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Make sure to always be careful when eating mushrooms.
If you eat the wrong one you could be in truffle.
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Fourteen mushrooms were sitting at a lunch table.
One more asked to join.
One of them said, βSorry there is not mush-room.β
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So a mushroom walks into a bar.
Bartender says, βWe donβt serve mushrooms here. Youβre always ruining jokes.β
The mushroom says, βCome on. Iβm a fun guy.β
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My friend had mushrooms during the party.
Now heβs a fun guy.
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Scientists say they may be able to synthesize a completely clean biofuel using the enzymes in finely shredded fungi, such as mushrooms...
Some critics have questioned the ethics of the process, but admit they are comforted by the researchersβ strong Morel fiber.
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What do you get when a giant steps on a house?
Mush-rooms.
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What do you call a lady who enjoys mushrooms?
A fun-gal.
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βYou know, I think itβs your turn to pick wild mushrooms.β My girlfriend said.
So I gather.
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Why do fungi have to pay extra on the bus? Because they take up too mush room.
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Why did the mushroom have to leave her home?
It was growing toxic by the day.
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Where do mushrooms hang out on Saturday night?
The salad bar.
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What does a polite mushroom say?
βThank you very mush!β
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What did the fungi say when he was offered seconds at dinner?
βNo thanks. I donβt have mush-room left in my stomach.β
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What do you call a mushroom that goes into a bar and buys drinks for everyone all night long?
Fungi to be around!
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Why does the mushroom always get invited to birthday parties?
Heβs a fun guy.
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Not to be Mushy but since it is your birthday I just want to say: I think you are the most Fungiing awesome mom, you are cute as a Button, you put in the fun in Fungus, you have always been there for Morel support, and you are like a Truffle β hard to find and incredibly valuable.
You are the Champion of Moms! I mean I turned out alright, not to toot my own Trumpet.
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Two mushrooms were talking politics.
One mushroom said, βI think that women shouldnβt be allowed to vote.β
The other said βThatβs a shiitake.β
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Why donβt mushrooms always get along?
They like to shiitake other.
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What kind of food says mean things about you behind your back?
Shiitake mushrooms.
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What kind of mushroom gets beat up the most?
A shiitake mushroom.
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Why did the Japanese guy get mad and kick the mushroom?
He was sick of all its shiitake.
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Iβve been superglued mushrooms all over my body.
My wife says itβs not right, but Iβm sticking to my morels.
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I canβt stop my mushroom from leaning.
I think I need some morel support.
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Most of my group wanted to go mushroom hunting.
I call them the morel majority.
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There was a mushroom on the first floor of my house.
Morel of the storey.
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I donβt trust people who donβt like mushrooms.
Clearly they are of low Morel fiber.
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Why are books about mushrooms so confusing?
They have too many different morels.
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A man was deathly allergic to mushrooms.
After a huge fight, his wife cooked a mushroom into his dinner. He ate it and died.
The morel of the story.. killed him.
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βWhere did you get this mushroom recipe?β Husband asks his wife.
βIn a detective novel,β she answers.
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What is blue and lies under a mushroom?
Smurf poop.
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Donβt walk through a field of mushrooms.
Itβs quite a tripping hazard.
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A guy walks into the doctorβs office.
A carrot stuck in one of his ears, a cucumber in the other ear, and a mushroom stuck in one nostril.
The man says, βDoc, this is terrible. Whatβs wrong with me?β
The doctor says, βWell, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly.β
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Why did the mushroom break up with her boyfriend?
Because he was toxic!
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A woman tells her friend she is getting married for the fourth time.
βHow wonderful! I hope you donβt mind me asking, what happened to your first husband?β
βHe ate poisonous mushrooms and died.β
βOh, how tragic! What about your second husband?β
βHe also ate poisonous mushrooms and died.β
βOh, how terrible! Iβm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband.β
βHe died of a broken neck.β
βA broken neck?β
βHe wouldnβt eat the mushrooms.β
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A group of country friends from the Wildwood Church wanted to get together on a regular basis, socialize, and play games. The lady of the house was to prepare the meal.
When it came time for Tom and Karen to be the hosts, Karen wanted to outdo all the others. Karen decided to have mushroom-smothered steak. But mushrooms are expensive.
She then told her husband, βNo mushrooms. They are too high.β
He said, βWhy donβt you go down in the pasture and pick some of those mushrooms? There are plenty in the creek bed.β
She said, βNo, some wild mushrooms are poison.β
He said, βWell, I see varmints eating them and theyβre OK.β
So Karen decided to give it a try. She picked a bunch, washed, sliced, and diced them for her smothered steak.
Then she went out on the back porch and gave Olβ Spot (the yard dog) a double handful. Olβ Spot ate every bite.
All morning long, Karen watched Olβ Spot and the wild mushrooms didnβt seem to affect him, so she decided to use them.
The meal was a great success, and Karen even hired a helper lady from town to help her serve. She had on a white apron and a fancy little cap on her head.
After everyone had finished, they relaxed, socialized, and played 42 and dominoes.
About then, the helper lady from town came in and whispered in Karenβs ear.
She said, βMrs. Grim, Olβ Spot just died.β
Karen went into hysterics. After she finally calmed down, she called the doctor and told him what had happened.
The doctor said, βThatβs bad, but I think we can take care of it. I will call for an ambulance and I will be there as quick as possible. Weβll give everyone enemas and we will pump out everyoneβs stomach. Everything will be fine. Just keep them calm.β
Soon they could hear the siren as the ambulance was coming down the road.
The EMTs and the doctor had their suitcases, syringes, and a stomach pump.One by one, they took each person into the bathroom, gave them an enema, and pumped out their stomach.
After the last one was finished, the doctor came out and said, βI think everything will be fine now,β and he left.
They were all looking pretty weak sitting around the living room and about this time the helper lady came in and said, βYou know, that fellow that ran over OlβSpot never even stopped.β
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Broccoli: βHey, I look like a tree.β
Mushroom: βWow, I look just like an umbrella.β
Walnut: βI look exactly like a brain.β
Banana: βMan, can we change the topic please?β
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