Enjoy our team's carefully selected Moon Jokes . Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
I met Buzz Aldrin once and asked how he felt being the second man on the moon.
“Well,” he said, “it could have been anyone. Right up until we landed, we hadn’t decided who would be first out the door. Then, once we touched down, Neil suggested we toss for it.”
“And he won?” I said.
“Well, no,” he mumbled. “The coin was still in the air when Neil jumped down the ladder. The twat.”
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One place where I lived had unusual sounds at night.
It sounded sort of like hundreds of chickens, but very faint and only under the darkest moon.
Turns out the place had been built over an old egg and chicken farm, which had become haunted by the noises of the deceased chickens.
We had a poultrygeist.
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Why do wolves howl at the moon?
Cause they don’t know how to use cell phones.
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I told my friends I was a blood-sucking insect from the moon.
They said I was a luna tick.
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Did you hear they found a pushpin on the largest moon of Saturn?
That’s right.
A tac on Titan.
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Why is the moon so grumpy?
It’s just going through one of its phases.
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What’s the difference between science and religion?
Science flies you to the moon while religion flies you into buildings.
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I never drink beer with an orange slice in it.
Except once in a Blue Moon.
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How do you know there’s no hair on the moon?
The moon waxes 14 times a month!
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What do you call a blood-sucking arachnid on the moon?
A lunar tick.
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The Superman 2 movie and a documentary about the Moon Landing had accidentally been scheduled at the same time for the Lunar Background part of the movie lot.
They argued about who should get to use it first, but then they remembered...
Neil before Zod.
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I’m currently obsessed with the Moon.
Although I think it’s just a phase.
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The Earth and the Moon were talking.
Earth: “Moon, how are you?”
Moon: ...
Earth: “Moon! Are you okay??”
Moon: “What? Sorry I was miles away.”
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Two blondes in Las Vegas were sitting on a bench talking.
One blonde says to the other, “Which do you think is farther away Florida or the moon?”
The other blonde turns and says, “Hellooooooo, can you see Florida?”
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What does Michael Jackson have in common with NASA?
It’s been decades since their first moonwalk.
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What was the name of the first satellite to orbit the Earth?
The moon.
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I told my Dr. I only smoke once every blue moon...
The problem is my refrigerator is full of them.
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I am half Spider-Man, half Batman, and half Moon Knight...
Poor.
With no powers.
With mental disorders.
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NASA has finally announced what would have happened to the earth if the moon wasn’t present.
50% less poems and love songs.
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We really should look into colonizing Mars and other planets or moons.
If you look at the studies, 100% of deaths occur here on earth.
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Little Johnny was sitting in class one day and the teacher was talking about life.
She asks him: “Little Johnny, what do you want your wife to be like?”
He: “Like the moon.”
The teacher: “That’s such a beautiful answer because it's calm and peaceful”.
Little Johnny: “No, because it appears at night and disappears in the morning.”
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Three astronauts are sitting at a table: one from the US, one from Russia and one from Poland.
The US astronaut says, “We’re going to Mars.”
The Russian says, “We made it to the moon.”
The Pole says, “We’re going to the sun.”
The other two astronauts say, “You can’t land on the sun, you’ll burn. There’s nothing to land on.”
The polish guy says, “Don’t tell anyone, but we’re going at night!”
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I promised my new girlfriend the sun, the moon and the stars...
So, I took her to the planetarium.
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How does the sun say hi to the moon?
With a heat wave!
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Son: “Hey dad, can you guess what is worse than no moon?”
Dad: “No sun?”
Son: “You don’t even want to take a guess?”
Dad: “No sun!”
Son: “You’re so stubborn, the answer is no sun.”
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The sun and moon walked into a coffee shop.
Sun: “Oh man, I forgot my wallet!”
Moon: “Don’t worry, I’ll cover you.”
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Guess what makes the moon so cold?
She’s always deflecting the sun’s rays!
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The moon asked the sun, “Buddy, when you are so hot, why are you single yet?”
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Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...
And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
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Memo from Director-General to Manager:
Today at 11 o’clock there will be a total eclipse of the sun. This is when the sun disappears behind the moon for two minutes.
As this is something that cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for employees to view the eclipse in the car park.
Staff should meet in the car park at ten to eleven when I will deliver a short speech introducing the eclipse and giving some background information.
Safety goggles will be made available at a small cost.
Memo from Manager to Department Head:
Today at ten to eleven, all staff should meet in the car park. This will be followed by a total eclipse of the sun, which will disappear for two minutes.
For a moderate cost, this will be made safe with goggles.
The Director-General will deliver a short speech beforehand to give us all some background information. This is not something that can be seen every day.
Memo from Department Head to Floor Manager:
The Director-General will today deliver a short speech to make the sun disappear for two minutes in the eclipse.
This is something that can not be seen every day, so staff will meet in the car park at ten or eleven.
This will be safe if you pay a moderate cost.
Memo From Floor Manager to Supervisor:
Ten or eleven staff are to go to the car park, where the Director-General will eclipse the sun for two minutes.
This doesn’t happen every day. It will be safe, but it will cost you.
Memo from Supervisor to staff:
Some staff will go to the car park today to see the Director-General disappear.
It is a pity this doesn’t happen every day.
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Why did Ms. Moon split up with Mr. Sun?
He never wanted to go out with her at night.
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Which is older, the moon or the sun?
The moon, because it can stay out all night.
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After the Americans went to the Moon, Murphy and Declan announced that the Kerry Men would go one better and send a man to the Sun.
Murphy objected, “If you send a man to the Sun, he will burn up!”
“What do you think we are, stupid?” Declan replied, “We’ll send our
man at night!”
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One Sunny afternoon, two blondes walk down the street.
One of them suddenly points at the sun and says: “Look! That’s the moon over there!”
The other one says: “No, that’s the sun!”
The first one: “No, it’s the moon!”
The other one, again: “No, it’s the sun!”
After arguing for a while, the “smart” one says: “Let’s go to that house over there and ask, what’s right!”
They go to the house and ring the doorbell. Another blonde opens the door.
The “smart” one asks: “Excuse us, can you tell us, whether it’s the sun or the moon in the sky?”
The blonde looks and says: “I wouldn’t know! I’ve only been living here for two weeks!”
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A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.
The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game.
The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.
He explains, “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa.”
Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now agitated, says, “Okay, if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500.00.”
This catches the blonde’s attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?”
The blonde doesn’t say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
“Okay,” says the lawyer, “your turn.”
She asks the lawyer, “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?”
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.00.
The blonde says, “Thank you,” and turns back to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, “Well, what’s the answer?”
Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
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NASA is getting transmission from their moon mission astronauts.
“Houston, we have a problem. Russians just landed on the moon.”
“It’s OK, continue your mission, ignore the Russians.”
“Houston, we have a problem. Russians started to paint moon red.”
“It’s OK, continue your mission, ignore the Russians.”
“Houston, we have a problem. Half of the moon is painted red and they continue.”
“It’s OK, continue your mission, ignore the Russians.”
“Houston, we have a problem. Whole moon is now red.”
“Now is our time! Open compartment 3B/C, it contains white paint. And start painting: Coca-Cola.”
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A Vietnamese farmer was working in the rice paddy field when he sees his son running to him.
“Father, father look,” the kid points to a newspaper and says excitedly. “The Americans have gone to the moon.”
The farmer drops his plow and asks excitedly, “All of them?”
“No, just 3,” replies the kid.
“Damn it!” The father shakes his head in disappointment and goes back to the field.
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Kung Fu student asks his teacher, “Master, why does my ability not improve? I’m always defeated.”
And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers, “My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun, and their wings seeming like flames?”
“Yes, my master, I have.”
“And a waterfall, spilling mightily over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?”
“Yes, my master, I have witnessed it.”
And the moon... when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?”
“Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon.”
“That is the problem. You keep watching all this poop instead of training!”
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What do you call a clock on the Harvest Moon?
A lunartick.
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What squirms and howls at the Harvest Moon?
Wereworms.
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Why couldn’t the astronaut book a room on the Harvest Moon?
Because it was full!
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Why did the cow jump over the Harvest Moon?
Because the farmer had cold hands!
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What do you wear to the September full moon?
A har-VEST.
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The moon gets a little more chilly in September, time to put on its harvest!
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The moon is a man because if it were a woman...
...we would have blood moons once a month.
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What does for call the moon after a bat flies into it?
A blood moon!
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What is Dracula’s favorite type of moon phase?
A Blood moon.
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What did Uranus say to its moon?
“You have the right to remain in orbit, anything you say will be taken out of context!”
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When Uranus threw a party, everyone was over the moon!
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Why did the moon break up with Uranus?
It wanted someone with a brighter personality.
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