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Jokes on Money



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Money Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



A Preacher wanted to raise money for his church and, being told there were fortunes in race horses, he decided to purchase one and enter it in the races.

However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so steep he ended up buying a donkey instead.

He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races, and to his surprise the donkey came in third.

The next day the racing sheets carried the headlines “Preacher’s Ass shows”.

The Preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the races again and this time he won!

The papers said “Preacher’s Ass out in Front”. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Preacher not to enter the donkey in another race.

The newspaper printed this headline “Bishop Scratches Preacher’s Ass”. This was just too much for the Bishop and he ordered the Preacher to get rid of the animal.

The Preacher decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.

The headlines the next day read “Nun has the Best Ass in Town”. The Bishop fainted.

He informed the Nun that she would have to dispose of the donkey and she finally found a farmer who was willing to buy it for $10.00.

The paper states “Nun Peddles Ass for Ten Bucks”. They buried the Bishop the next day.

😄 😄 😄


“Doctor, doctor! I’ve swallowed my money!”

Take this, and we’ll see if there’s any change in the morning.

😄 😄 😄


A hot dog vendor brings a homeless man to court for standing near the stand and enjoying the smell of the meat as he ate his bread.

The judge is quite exasperated.

Judge to the homeless man: “Do you deny this?”

Homeless man: “No, your honor.”

Judge: “Do you have any coins?”

Homeless man: “Just a few quarters, your Honor.”

Judge: “Give them here.”

Homeless man: “Your Honor, they’re all I have!”

Judge: “That may be so, but please just give me those coins.”

Homeless man: “Very well.” Hands over the coins.

Judge to the stand owner: “Pay close attention.” Drops coins on the table. “Did you hear that?”

Stand owner: “Yes, your Honor.”

Judge: “Excellent. Now you take the sound of those coins as payment for the smell of the meat.”

😄 😄 😄


A man left for work one Friday morning.

Instead of going home after work, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and spending all his wages. When he finally got home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his very angry wife. After a while she stopped nagging and said, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”

“That would be fine with me”, he replied.

Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife.

Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same result.

Thursday, the swelling went down just enough for him to see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

😄 😄 😄


A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall and idly picking his teeth. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.

He asked the guy, “How much money do you make a week?”

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, “I make a little over $400 dollars a week, why?”

The CEO said, “Wait right here.”

He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, “Here’s four weeks’ pay. Now GET OUT and don’t come back.”

Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked, “Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?”

From across the room a voice said, “Sure, he was the Pizza delivery guy from Domino’s and was just waiting to collect the money.”

😄 😄 😄


It’s true women do make less money than men. But it’s their fault because they choose the lower paying jobs.

Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer.

Whereas women choose the lower paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.

😄 😄 😄


Intaxifcation: The wonderful feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.

😄 😄 😄


At the bank, I told the cashier, “I would like to open a joint account.”

He asked, “With whom?”

I answered, “With whomsoever has lots of money.”

😄 😄 😄


Someone once told me that taking money out of your savings account is stealing from your future self.

Well luckily for me my future self won’t be able to afford a lawyer to press charges against me.

😄 😄 😄


Can anyone recommend a good bank account? Mine’s run out of money...

😄 😄 😄


A mugger jumps out in front of a university student and shouts, “Your money or your life!”

The student keeps walking, and says, “Sorry mate, I’m a Computer Science student. I don’t have either.”

😄 😄 😄


When the Tooth fairy comes to your house, she takes your tooth and gives you money.

When Chuck Norris comes to your house, he breaks your tooth and takes your money.

😄 😄 😄


Two Jewish guys are walking when one notices a sign on a Catholic church that says “Convert to Christianity and we’ll give you $100.”

The one says to the other, “Should we do it?”

The other says “No! Are you crazy?”

The first guy replies “Hey, a hundred dollars is a hundred dollars... I’m gonna do it.”

So he walks into the church, and little while later, he walks back out.

The friend says “Well, did you get the money?”

He replies “Oh that’s all you people think about, isn’t it?”

😄 😄 😄


An engineer who was unemployed for a long time decided to open a medical clinic.

He puts a sign outside the clinic “A cure for your ailment guaranteed at $500, we’ll pay you $1,000 if we fail”.

A Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic.

Doctor: “I have lost my sense of taste.”

Engineer: “Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

Doctor: “This is Gasoline!”

Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”

The Doctor gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days later to recover his money.

Doctor: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”

Engineer: “Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

Doctor: “But that is Gasoline!”

Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”

The Doctor leaves angrily and comes back after several days, more determined than ever to make his money back.

Doctor: “My eyesight has become weak.”

Engineer: “Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 11 and put 3 drops in the patient’s eyes.”

The nurse walks in carrying box 22.

Doctor: “Wait, that’s the box with the gasoline in it!”

Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your vision back! That will be $500.”

😄 😄 😄


A broke guy walks past a pub. He looks at the door longingly, but since he has no money, he walks on.

Just then, he spots a lamp lying in the gutter. He picks it up and rubs it, and a genie emerges.

“I will grant you three wishes,” intones the genie.

“Give me a bottomless mug of beer,” the guy says.

A mug of beer appears in his hand. He takes a sip, then another. With each chug, the mug magically refills.

“And for your other two wishes?”

Between swallows, the lucky guy shouts, “Give me two more just like this one!”

😄 😄 😄


Johnny tried to buy a toy car with monopoly money at the store.

The cashier said, “There’s no way I can take this. It’s fake.”

Johnny said, “Well, the car’s not real either.”

😄 😄 😄


Two friends talking:

“Hey, can I borrow some money? I’m broke.”

“Get money from your job.”

“I got fired.”

“Why?”

“My boss told me to leave all my problems behind the door, so I told him to stand outside.”

😄 😄 😄





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