Monday Jokes



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Monday Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



Monday Jokes


My least favorite Thanksgiving leftovers are the relatives who don’t leave until Monday.

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The worst thing about Friday the 13th is Monday the 16th.

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What do you call someone who’s happy on Mondays?

Retired!

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Just kissed my husband intimately on the back of the neck, as I walked past him while working from home.

He started this job on Monday. I thought he was watching a video. He was on a meeting with the CEO.

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Somebody walks into an ice cream parlor and asks, β€œWhat flavors do you have?”

The attendant says, β€œOver there on the signs on the wall, you’ll see them all.”

Client goes, β€œEhm, well I’ll have a cone with two scoops of β€˜Mondays Closed’.”

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How did Garfield stop the rooster from waking him on Monday morning?

He ate him on Sunday night!

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On Monday morning, rolling out of bed is easy...

Getting up off the floor is another story.

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A man walks into a pharmacy and asks the man behind the counter, after dropping off his prescription, β€œExcuse me, but what time do you close on Sunday?”

He replies, β€œOh, we don’t close on Sunday.”

Pleasantly surprised, the man picks up some other items and leaves.

The next dayβ€”Sundayβ€”the man goes to pick up his prescription, only to find a closed sign hanging on the door of the pharmacy. Peeved at the lying pharmacist, he trudges back home and waits Monday.

Monday morning, right as the pharmacist unlocks the door, the man is running up to him, shouting.

β€œHey! You said that you never closed on Sundays, but when I came around yesterday, you were closed! What gives?”

The pharmacist looks at the man and says, β€œWell, we in fact did not close yesterday, because we never even opened!”

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If Johnny buys seventeen donuts every Monday and eats twelve of them each Wednesday, what is Johnny left with at the end of the year?

Diabetes.

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When I got to work Monday, I was limping something awful. My boss noticed and asked me what had happened.

I told him, β€œOh, nothing. It’s just an old football injury that acts up once in a while.”

My boss eyed me suspiciously and said, β€œGee, I never knew you played football.”

I said, β€œWell, I don’t. I hurt it yesterday when I lost $100 on New York Jets. I put my foot through the television...”

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