Momma Jokes

Enjoy our team's carefully selected Mom Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!

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TOP 5 Best Jokes About Moms

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Friend 1: “I think my mom’s getting serious about straightening up my room once and for all.”

Friend 2: “How do you know?”

Friend 1: “She’s learning to drive a bulldozer.”

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Sunday school teacher: “Tell me, Johnny. Do you say prayers before eating?”

Johnny: “No, ma’am, I don’t have to. My mom’s a good cook.”

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It was the first day of school.

Harry’s mother went into his bedroom and said, “Come on Harry, get up now. You have to go to school today.”

“But I don’t want to go to school,” replied Harry, “I want to stay in bed. Why do I have to go to school?”

“Because,” answered his mother, “you’re a teacher!”

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The dad says, “A man is someone who is responsible and cares for their family.”

The kid replies, “I hope one day I can be a man just like mom!”

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A little girl finally got to attend a wedding for the first time.

While in the church, the girl asked her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?”

The mother replied to the girl, “Because white is the color of happiness and it’s the happiest day of her life today.”

After a little bit, the girl looks up at her mother and says, “But, then why is the groom wearing black?”

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Short Funny Mom Jokes to Tell Your Friends

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My kids are the sunshine of my life.

Over-exposition invariably leads to burnout.

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I was sick and told my mom I had a runny nose.

She told me, “You should tell it to walk instead.”

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My mom got the flu.

She said that it was like her nose went on strike.

I suggested, “You should picket.”

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I told my dad I couldn’t believe I’d failed my biology exam.

He said, “I’m your mum!”

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Mama always said “Work until your bank account looks like a phone number.”

Well, I did it! Bank balance: 911!

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Funny Mom Jokes Clean

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Not to be Mushy but since it is your birthday I just want to say: I think you are the most Fungiing awesome mom, you are cute as a Button, you put in the fun in Fungus, you have always been there for Morel support, and you are like a Truffle—hard to find and incredibly valuable.

You are the Champion of Moms! I mean I turned out alright, not to toot my own Trumpet.

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A small boy tells his mum that his dad’s taken him on an outing to the zoo. His mum doesn’t believe him.

“Your dad has never taken anyone to the zoo in his whole life,” she says.

“Well he did,” the boy replies, “and one of the animals paid us £50.”

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What happened after the mom purchased a loaf of bread from Albertsons?

By the time she got home, it was toast!

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During a Sunday school lesson, a child learned about how God created human beings.

The child became especially focused when the teacher explained how Eve was created from Adam’s ribs.

Later in the week, the boy’s mother saw him lying down on the floor, so she asked him what was wrong.

His reply was priceless, “Mom, I have a pain in my side—I think I’m getting a wife.”

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A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.

Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.

“Mama, look what I found,” the boy called out.

“What have you got there, dear?”

With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered, “I think it’s Adam’s underwear!”

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Funny Mom Jokes for Adults

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Girl: “What if a boy hugs me?”

Mom: “Say ‘don’t’.”

Girl: “What if he kisses me?”

Mom: “Say ‘stop’.”

The next day when the girl goes to school her boyfriend hugs and kisses her well so she says as her mother told her to do and she quickly said DON’T STOP!

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There are three moles at the bottom of their mole hole.

The first mole—daddy mole—wakes up, climbs to the top, sticks his nose out, and says, “Mmmmm... I smell bacon!”

Mommy mole wakes up. She climbs to the top, sticks her nose out, and says, “Mmmmm... I smell pancakes!”

Baby mole wakes up. He climbs up but gets stuck behind his mom and dad.

He takes a big whiff and says, “All I can smell is molasses!”

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A woman walks into the Social Worker’s office, trailed by 15 kids.

“WOW!” the social worker exclaims, “Are they ALL yours?”

“Yeah, they’re all mine,” the flustered mother sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.

She says, “Sit down Terry.” All the children rush to find seats.

“Well,” says the social worker, “then you must be here to sign up. I’ll need all your children’s names.”

“This one’s my oldest – he is Terry.”

“OK, and who’s next?”

“Well, this one he is Terry, also.”

The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Terry.

Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Terri.

“All right,” says the caseworker, “I’m seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL named Terri?”

Their Mother replied, “Well, yes, it makes it easier. When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell “Terry!”, and when it’s time for dinner, I just yell “Terry!”, and they all come running.

And if I need to stop the kid who’s running into the street, I just yell Terry and all of them stop. It’s the smartest idea I ever had, naming them all Terry.”

The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, “But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?”

“I call them by their surnames.”

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Good moms let you lick the beaters.

Great moms turn them off first.

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Funny Mom Jokes for Kids

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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies.

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What did the mom say when her kid dropped their hot dog?

It could always be wurst!

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What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter?

Ketch-up!

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My mom is coming home after a work trip tonight, guess what I am getting?

I am getting yelled at.

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The baby tomato was running late for school. Guess what his mommy said?

“Come on, ketch-up!”

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Hilarious Jokes About Mothers and Sons

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A girl visited her boyfriend, which was still living with his mother, at his house.

His mother had Puritan principles.

The mother, as long as the girl was there, didn’t even try to hide her dislike feelings for his son’s choice.

“Mom, can I escort Helen?”

The girl, waiting to hear a cold-hearted “no”, she surprised hear.

“Sure... You can! Escort her... to the corner with your eyes!”

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Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school.

Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.

“Wait a minute,” she said. “I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved.”

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“Mum, I just won this phone in a race!”

“Who was in the race?”

“The owner of the phone and the police. I think they’re at the door to congratulate me.”

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At the family reunion.

Boy: “I’m here to talk about our family, but Mom always taught me that if I don’t have anything nice to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all. Good Day.”

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A mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl as a roommate.

During his meal, his mother couldn’t help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and his roommate.

Reading his mom’s thoughts, his son volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates.”

About a week later, his roommate came to him saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the silver plate. You don’t suppose your mother took it, do you?”

He said, “Well I doubt it, but I'll email her just to be sure!”

He sat down and wrote:

Dear mom,

After you visited me, the silver plate has been missing. I’m not saying that you did take the silver plate from my house, and I’m not saying that you don’t take it, but the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love

Your son

Several days later, he received an email from his mother which read:

Dear Son,

I’m not saying that you do sleep with your roommate, and I’m not saying that you don’t sleep with her, but the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under her pillow.

Love

Mom

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Short Funny Jokes on Mom and Dad

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Son: “Dad, why did you and mom name my sister Rose?”

Dad: “Because your mother loves Roses.”

Son: “Oh... OK. Thanks, Dad!”

Dad: “No problem, Costco Hot Dog.”

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In 1973, my dad left to get ice cream and never came back.

Mom says he’s probably just lost because he hates stopping to ask for directions.

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Me: “Good night, kids!”

Kids: “Good night, dad!”

Me: “Good night, monster under the bed who eats bad kids!”

Wife (through radio under the bed): “Good night!”

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“Dad, did you ever fall in love?”

“Yes, son. I did once.”

“And, what happened?”

“In the beginning it was fantastic, but then your mother found out.”

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A child asked his father, “How were people born?”

So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.”

The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.”

The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!”

His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.”

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Long Jokes About Moms and Dads

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One night, Sally was saying goodnight to her parents and grandparents.

“Good night Mom, good night Dad, good night Grandma, goodbye Grandpa.”

Her dad asked her, “Why goodbye?”

“Oh, I dunno, I just felt like it.”

The very next day, her grandpa died.

That evening, Sally was saying goodnight again.

“Good night Mom, good night Dad, goodbye Grandma.

Her dad was very suspicious but said nothing.

The very next day, Sally’s grandma died.

That night, when Sally said “Good night Mom, goodbye Dad”, Sally’s dad began to panic. He knew this couldn’t just be a coincidence.

So early the very next day, he went to work, locked his office door, and hid under his desk until late in the afternoon.

Eventually, he decided he should probably go home, or his wife might get worried.

He managed to arrive home safely and asked his wife how her day had been.

“Oh, it was just awful!” she replied. “The Milkman died!”

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One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, “Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan.”

After dinner, George’s dad took him aside, “Son, I have to talk with you. Look at your mother, George. She and I have been married 30 years, she’s a wonderful wife and mother, but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot.”

“Susan is actually your half-sister, and I’m afraid you can’t marry her.”

George was brokenhearted.

After eight months he eventually started dating girls again.

A year later he came home and very proudly announced, “Diane said yes! We’re getting married in June.”

Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news, “Diane is your half-sister too, George. I’m awfully sorry about this.”

George was livid! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news his father had shared.

“Dad has done so much harm. I guess I’m never going to get married,” he complained. “Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half-sister.”

“Hee hee,” his mother chuckled, shaking her head, “Don’t pay any attention to what he says. He’s not really your father.”

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Bad Funny Jokes About Mom One-Liners

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Yo momma’s cooking is so bad Jabba wouldn’t feed it to Salacious Crumb.

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Yo momma’s so big when she tripped in Mos Eisley she landed in Mos Espa.

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Yo mama is so tall the Kaminoans had to look up to see her face.

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Yo mama’s so weak-minded that I got her to lead me to Jabba without using a Jedi mind trick!

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Yo mama so poor when I stepped on a cigarette to put it out she said “Hey, who turned off the heat?”

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Yo mama so tall even Titans can look up her skirt.

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Yo mama so poor she waves around a Popsicle and calls it air conditioning.

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Yo mama so poor she eats cereal with a fork to save milk.

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Yo mama so poor she chases after the garbage truck with a shopping list.

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Yo mama so tall she tripped in America and landed in Australia.

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Yo mama so tall when she did a backflip she digs God in the face.

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Yo moma so lazy she sticks her nose out the door and let the air blow it.

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Bad Ugly Jokes on Moms One-Liners

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Yo mamma is so ugly that not even Ewoks will let her into their clan.

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Yo momma’s so ugly they push her face in the dough to make Ugnaught cookies.

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Yo mama’s so hairy that she gets mistaken for Chewbacca’s cousin.

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Yo mama’s back is so hairy it looks like she’s giving Chewbacca a piggyback ride.

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Yo momma’s so hairy she looks like she has two Ewoks in a headlock.

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Yo mama’s so hairy that people run up to her and say “Chewbacca, can I get your autograph?”.

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Yo momma’s so ugly she makes a Gammorrean seem like an attractive date.

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Yo mama’s so ugly that they didn’t give her a costume when she auditioned for Star Wars.

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Yo mama has so much hair on her upper lip it looks like Ewoks having a party when she talks.

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Yo momma’s so hairy when she went to the movie theater to see Star Wars, everybody screamed and said “IT’S CHEWBACCA!”.

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Yo mamma’s so ugly Rancors look at her and go “Damn, dude, she’s UGLY!”.

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Yo momma’s so black when she turned to the dark side the Sith became Jedis.

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Yo mama’s so flatulent that she forced the Mustafarians to wear masks!

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Yo mama’s so hairy that when she was born she looked like Chewbacca!

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Yo mama’s so ugly that Wuher said “We don’t serve your kind here”.

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Yo momma so ugly she makes even The Rancor cry.

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Yo mamma’s so ugly they cut her Cantina scenes in Star Wars.

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Yo mamma so hairy that Han Solo mistaken her for Chewbacka.

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Yo mama so hairy the only language she speaks is wookie.

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Yo momma so black she makes Lando Calrissian look like Casper.

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Yo momma’s so smelly it would make a Hutt smell good.

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Yo momma is so smelly even Banthas want to run away from her as fast as possible.

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Yo mama so hairy Bigfoot took her picture.

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Yo mama so hairy she found herself in a cage at the zoo.

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Yo mama so hairy when she auditioned for Planet of the Apes they made her pack leader.

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Yo mama so hairy people wonder why she wears a fur coat to a nude beach.

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Yo mama so ugly when she watches TV the channels change themselves.

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Yo mama so ugly Freddy and his friends hide from her.

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Yo mama so ugly Forever Alone Guy denied her friend request.

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Yo mama so ugly the government decided to move Halloween to her birthday.

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Yo momma’s nose so big you can go bowling with her boogers!

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Yo mama’s nose is so big she can smell a fart coming.

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Yo mama’s nose hairs are so long that they make Bobobo jealous!

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Yo mama’s breath is so bad that when she talks her nose hairs fall out.

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Yo mama is so ugly her hairline is receding just to get away from her face.

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Yo mama so ugly when she was born the doctor slapped your grandma!

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Your mama so ugly when she walks into a bank they turn off the cameras.

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Your mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest they said "Sorry, no professionals".

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Your mama so ugly the psychiatrist makes her lie face down.

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Yo Mama's so disgusting she keeps maggots as pets.

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Yo momma's arm-pits stink so bad she made Right Guard turn to left.

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Your mama's got a leather wig with suede sideburns.

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Yo mama is so ugly that most Snapchat filters make her better looking.

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Yo mama so ugly she threw a boomerang and it refused to come back.

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Your mama is so ugly she made One Direction go in another direction.

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Your momma so ugly when she looks in the mirror the reflection ducks!

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Yo momma is so ugly she made an onion cry.

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Yo mama so scary you thought the monsters in your closet were friends.

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Yo momma's got a peanut butter wig with jelly sideburns.

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Bad Old Jokes on Mother One-Liners

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Yo momma’s so old she changed Yoda’s first diaper.

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Yo mama is so old she trained Yada’s master in the force!

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Yo mama so old her first cruise was on Noah’s Ark.

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Yo mama so old her first pet was from Jurassic Park.

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Yo mama so old not even the time stone could make her young.

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Yo Mama is so old she’s got a Bible autographed by Jesus.

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Yo mama so old she rode dinosaurs to school.

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Your mama so old she farts dust!

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Your mama so old when she was born the Dead Sea was just getting sick!

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Your mama so old when she was young, rainbows were black and white!

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Your mama so old her driver's license got hieroglyphics on it!

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Yo mama so old she walked out of a museum and the alarm went off.

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Yo momma is so old I slapped her in the back and her boobs fell off.

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Yo momma so old she walked into an antique store and they kept her.

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Yo Mama is so old Adam and Eve were at her graduation ceremony.

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Yo mama so old she knew Burger King when he was just a prince.

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Bad Short Mother Jokes One-Liners

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Your mama is so short she has to cuff her underwear.

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Your mama’s so short that she can run track around the toilet!

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Your mama’s so short that when I was dissin’ her she tried to jump kick me in the ankle.

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Your mama’s so short that she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.

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Your mama’s so short that she has to get a running start to get up on the toilet.

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Your mama’s so short that she can limbo under the door.

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Your mama’s so short that her homies are the Keebler Elves.

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Your mama’s so short during the election Donald Trump accidentally stepped on her and he thought he stepped on a brownie.

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Your mama’s so short that when she sat on the curb her feet didn’t touch the ground.

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Your mama’s so short she does backflips under the bed.

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Your mama so short she went under Trump’s wall.

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Your mama so short she doesn’t need the door cause she can get through the mouse hole.

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Your mama so short when she got in the car she couldn’t reach the steering wheel.

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Your mama so short she thought the cracks in the sidewalk were part of a maze.

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Your mama so short she committed suicide by jumping off the curb.

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Your mama is so small she hangs glides on a Doritos!

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Your mama so short you can see her feet on her driver’s license.

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Yo mama so small she has to wear a torn napkin as a dress.

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Your mama so short she has to hold a sign up that says “Don’t spit, I can’t swim”.

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Your mama so short she went to see Santa and he told her to get back to work.

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Your mama so short people thought she was a Funko Pop.

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Your momma so short she takes a shower in a raindrop.

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Yo momma so short she can’t say a thing without a microphone!

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Yo mama is so short when she plays Fortnite she can hide under the freaking store.

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Your mama so short she has to slam dunk her bus fare.

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Yo mama so short she poses for trophies!

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Bad Dumb Mother Jokes One-Liners

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Yo mama’s so dumb she thought a lightsaber has fewer calories!

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Yo mama’s so dumb she thought that Jar Jar comes with pickles pickles.

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Yo mama’s so dumb she wasn’t looking for the droids in the first place!

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Yo momma is so dumb she makes Gungans look smart.

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Yo momma so dumb Jar Jar has a higher IQ than her.

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Yo momma so dumb she picked Jar Jar as her ambassador.

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Your mama so dumb she got fired from the M & M factory for throwing away all the W's.

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Your mama so dumb she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.

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Your mama so dumb she sits on the TV and watches the couch!

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Your mama so dumb she watches “The Three Stooges” and takes notes.

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Your mama so dumb she bought a solar-powered flashlight.

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Yo mama so dumb she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

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Yo mama is so dumb and hungry the only letters in the alphabet she knows are K.F.C.

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Your mama is so dumb when dad said it’s chilly outside she brought a spoon and a bowl.

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Yo momma so dumb when y’all were driving to Disneyland she saw a sign that said “Disneyland left” so she went home.

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Yo momma is so dumb she thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet!

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Bad Stupid Mama Jokes One-Liners

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Yo mama’s so stupid Kylo Ren couldn’t force read her mind!

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Yo mama so stupid Jar Jar questioned her existence!

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Yo mamma’s so stupid she thought Darth Maul was a place to shop.

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Yo momma’s so stupid that she thinks Jar Jar is filled with Peanut Butter Peanut Butter!

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Yo mamma is so stupid she thought a red lightsaber was a red chili and ate it.

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Yo momma so stupid she thought parsec was a unit of time.

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Yo mama so stupid she went to Bangkok to get a TIE fighter!

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Yo mama so stupid that she thought Star Wars was a war for stars.

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Yo mama so stupid she brought a spoon to the Superbowl.

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Yo mama so stupid she thought Taco Bell was a Mexican phone company.

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Yo mama so stupid when she saw the McDonald’s drive-through sign she drove through the building.

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Yo mama so stupid she made an appointment with Dr Pepper.

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Yo mama so stupid the zombies walked past her because they didn’t smell any brains.

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Yo mama so stupid she put her phone in airplane mode and thought she could fly.

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Yo mama’s so stupid she thought Fortnite was fork night.

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Yo mama so stupid she tried to smell her own nose.

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Yo mama’s so stupid she combs the hair in her nose and not on her head.

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Yo Mama so stupid she returned a donut because it had a hole in it.

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Yo mama so stupid when she threw a grenade at me, I pulled the pin and threw it back.

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Your mama so stupid she put a watch in the piggy bank and said she was saving time.

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Your mama so stupid she cut holes in her umbrella to see if it was raining.

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Your mama so stupid she yelled into an envelope because she wanted to send a voicemail.

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Your mama so stupid I told her Christmas was around the corner and she went looking for it.

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Yo momma is so stupid when I said “Drinks are on the house” she got a ladder.

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Yo mama’s so stupid she stared at a cup of orange juice for 12 hours because it said “concentrate”.

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Yo momma is so stupid when an intruder broke into her house she ran downstairs, dialed 9-1-1 on the microwave, and couldn’t find the “CALL” button.

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Yo Mama’s so stupid she thinks Los Angeles is where God lives with all his angels.

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Yo mama so stupid I said “Kool-Aid” and she jumped through the wall.

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Yo mama so stupid she tried to save a fish from drowning.

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Bad Fat Momma Jokes One-Liners

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Yo momma’s so fat she carries her pet Bantha in her purse.

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Yo momma’s so fat she dribbled the Death Star.

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Yo momma’s so fat Yoda couldn’t use the Force to move her.

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Yo momma’s so fat she could put Coruscant out of orbit.

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Yo momma is so fat you have to make two lightspeed jumps just to get on her good side.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama so fat that they covered her and used her as a death star.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama so fat that the Sarlaac Pit couldn’t eat her!

😄 😄 😄

Yo momma so fat when she farts scientists on Tatooine think the star around Coruscant just went supernova.

😄 😄 😄

Yo momma is so fat she makes Jabba look like Calista Flockhart.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama’s so fat that Gardulla the Hutt had a boost in self-esteem after seeing her.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama so fat she pooped out the Death Star!

😄 😄 😄

Yo mamma’s so fat that the Sarlacc rejected her as dinner.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama’s so fat that even the Death Star couldn’t blow her up!

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama is so fat she did the Kessel run instantly because she is on both sides of it.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama so fat and ugly she didn’t need a suit to play Jamba the Hutt.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama’s so fat that carbonite was encased in her.

😄 😄 😄

Yo momma’s so fat she uses Kamonians as toothpicks.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama’s so fat and full of bush the Wookiees named their planet after her!

😄 😄 😄

Yo mamma’s so fat she can’t go to a spaceport because x-wings keep trying to land on her back.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama’s so fat that only half her body was able to come out frozen from the carbon freezing chamber in Cloud City.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama so fat Obi-Wan Kenobi said “That’s no moon—that’s Yo mama!”.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mamma’s so fat I saw her using a Star Destroyer as an ironing board.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama’s so fat that even stormtroopers can’t miss her.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama’s so fat when Vader cut off her hand gravy would have come out had it not been cauterized by the lightsaber.

😄 😄 😄

Yo moma is so fat Luke Skywalker that yo moma was the Death Star.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama’s so fat Jabba the Hutt said “Hargh!”.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama’s so flatulent that she forced the sand people out of a single file.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama so fat she played basketball with the Death Star.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mom’s so fat Luke couldn’t believe she wasn’t a moon!

😄 😄 😄

Yo momma’s so fat the Millenium Falcon can hide in her belly button.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama so fat that Wedge Antilles said “Look at the size of that thing!”.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama’s so fat that she looks like Jabba the Hut before picture.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama’s so fat that the Kaminoans couldn’t use her as a host for clones since they couldn’t pierce her skin deep enough to draw blood.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama’s so fat that even the Death Star orbited her before Endor.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mamma’s so fat I thought she’d have Princess Leia on a leash beside her.

😄 😄 😄

Yo momma so fat she prevents ships from going to hyperspace.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama’s so fat her durasteel armor has stretch marks!

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama’s so fat that people on the Millenium Falcon keep saying “That’s no moon”.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama’s so fat that she caused Kamino to flood when her water broke.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama’s so fat that if she was thrown into the second Death Star’s reactor core, she could have blown up the entire Imperial fleet.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama’s so fat she blew up the Deathstar.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama’s so fat that the passengers of the Millenium Falcon mistook her for a small moon.

😄 😄 😄

Yo momma is so fat The Whole Death Star can use her as a protection shield.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama so fat Rick and Morty thought her belly button was a portal to another dimension.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama so fat when I saw her on Tinder, swiped left and she was still on the screen.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama so fat NASA thought she was a planet.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama so fat her belt is the equator.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama so fat every time she took a step it caused an earthquake.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama so fat when she ate an Avocado it was Nickado.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama so fat when she went to In-N-Out she couldn’t get in nor out.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama so fat Naruto couldn’t make enough shadow clones to surround her.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama so fat her splash attack does damage.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama so fat every time she turns around it’s her birthday.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama so fat Donald Trump used her as the border wall.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama so fat she wakes up on both sides of the bed.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama so fat when she sat on the iPod she made the iPad!

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama so fat she wears two watches.

One for each time zone she’s in.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama so fat Darth Vader couldn’t even force choke her.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama so fat her blood type is Nutella.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama so fat she fed an entire zombie apocalypse.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama so fat Cupid’s arrows couldn’t pierce her.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama so fat the horse on her polo shirt is real.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama so fat when she wears her yellow raincoat people yell out “taxi!”.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama so fat her school pictures were taken by a satellite.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama so fat she uses the highway as a slip and slide.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama so fat not even Superman can lift her.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama so fat I took a picture of her last Christmas and it’s still printing.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama so fat when she lands in Fortnite she gets a Victory Royale.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama’s so fat she crashed the Fortnite servers.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama’s so fat not even a ninja could carry her in a Fortnite battle.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama so fat when she sat on a dollar bill she squeezed a booger out of George Washington’s nose.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops.

😄 😄 😄

Your mama so fat she sat on a dollar and when she got up there were 4 quarters.

😄 😄 😄

Your mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says “to be continued”.

😄 😄 😄

Your mama so fat she gets group insurance!

😄 😄 😄

Your mama so fat a picture of her would fall off the wall!

😄 😄 😄

Yo Mama's appetite is so huge she uses a truck to carry her popcorn to the movies.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama’s so fat when she fell I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama is so fat that the National Weather Service names each of her farts.

😄 😄 😄

Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, “I need your weight, not your phone number.”

😄 😄 😄

Yo momma so fat she can’t reach her back pocket.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama so fat when she died she broke the stairway to heaven.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama’s so fat I swerved to miss her in my car and ran out of gas.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama’s appetite is so huge even after eating an elephant for breakfast she demanded a whale as dessert.

😄 😄 😄

Bad Hot Mom Jokes One-Liners

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Yo mama is so hot she makes the sun sweat.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama so hot when she got into the Arctic Ocean it turned into a hot tub.

😄 😄 😄

Your mama so hot when she visits Antarctica locals call it summertime.

😄 😄 😄

Your mama so hot rangers banned her from National Parks for starting forest fires.

😄 😄 😄

Your mama so hot her hugs give third-degree burns.

😄 😄 😄

Your mama so hot scientists deemed her the leading cause of global warming.

😄 😄 😄

Yo momma so hot doctors say her blood type is lava.

😄 😄 😄

Your mama so hot when Electra and Haspiel saw her, they burned to death.

😄 😄 😄

Your mama is so hot I gotta wear oven mitts to touch her.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama so hot she makes jalapeños cry.

😄 😄 😄

Yo mama is so hot she makes the sun look like Antarctica.

😄 😄 😄

Short Jokes on Mother-in-Law

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It always takes two to create trouble in a marriage.

The wife and the mother-in-law.

😄 😄 😄

What is the 7th pin in bowling called?

Mother-In-Law!

😄 😄 😄

Last Halloween there was a knock on the door.

I looked out of the window and then shouted upstairs to my wife, “Honey there’s a witch at the door. What shall I do?”

She shouted back, “Just give her some candy and tell her to get lost.”

My mother-in-law hasn’t spoken to me since.

😄 😄 😄

Funny Jokes for Mother-in-Law With Answers

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What do you do when you get locked outside your house in the cold weather?

You talk to the lock because communication is key.

😄 😄 😄

Why do birds fly south for the fall?

Because it’s quicker than walking.

😄 😄 😄

What dog can’t bark?

A hot dog.

😄 😄 😄

Which is faster, heat or cold?

Heat, because you can catch a cold.

😄 😄 😄

What do you give an alien?

Some space!

😄 😄 😄

which is the most feminine candy?

it’s Hershey!

😄 😄 😄

What do you think walking on the moon is like?

Not very impactful.

😄 😄 😄

What do you call a clock on the moon?

A lunar-tick!

😄 😄 😄

What is the best way to have a well-rounded diet?

Eat donuts.

😄 😄 😄

What kind of nut doesn’t have a shell?

A donut.

😄 😄 😄

10 Really Funny Jokes for Moms

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How much far can you see with your naked eyes, on a clear day?

92,955,807 miles (to the sun).

😄 😄 😄

Why don’t men with beards need a vacuum?

Because they already have a crumb catcher on their faces.

😄 😄 😄

What do you get when you cross a dog and a calculator?

A friend you can count on.

😄 😄 😄

Can you guess what the left eye said to the right eye?

Between you and I, something smells.

😄 😄 😄

Which is older, the moon or the sun?

The moon, because it can stay out all night.

😄 😄 😄

What did one flea say to the other?

“Shall we walk or take the cat?”

😄 😄 😄

Why is a piano so hard to open?

Because the keys are on the inside.

😄 😄 😄

What did 0 say to 8?

Nice belt!

😄 😄 😄

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

Gummybear.

😄 😄 😄

What’s the best thing to put into a pie?

Your teeth!

😄 😄 😄

Short Jokes for Mom With Answers

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Why haven’t aliens visited our Solar System yet?

They looked at the reviews... only 1 star.

😄 😄 😄

What do you call a sausage who’s been sunbathing all day?

Done!

😄 😄 😄

Why is the sun not very heavy to carry?

Because it is really very light.

😄 😄 😄

Why did the sun not go to college?

Because it already has a million degrees!

😄 😄 😄

How do astronauts eat their ice creams?

In floats.

😄 😄 😄

How do you describe Neapolitan ice cream to someone?

Your two favorite flavors plus strawberry.

😄 😄 😄

What is a monster’s favorite part of a birthday celebration?

I scream.

😄 😄 😄

What did the birthday cake say to the ice cream?

You’re cool!

😄 😄 😄

What do you call a man with no body and no nose?

Nobody nose.

😄 😄 😄

When is it acceptable for a nose to be in a salad?

When it’s a snowman’s nose!

😄 😄 😄

What’s the best thing about having a big nose?

You’re the first to know when dinner’s ready!

😄 😄 😄

What’s black and white and green in the middle?

Two zebras, fighting over a pickle.

😄 😄 😄

Where can you get 100% off on everything on Black Friday?

At home by not going out.

😄 😄 😄

What do you call a pirate with both eyes and all his limbs?

A rookie.

😄 😄 😄

Why is it impossible for students to sleep 8 hours every day?

Because school is only 6 hours a day!

😄 😄 😄

Clean Good Jokes for Moms to Tell

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Somebody walks into an ice cream parlor and asks, “What flavors do you have?”

The attendant says, “Over there on the signs on the wall, you’ll see them all.”

Client goes, “Ehm, well I’ll have a cone with two scoops of ‘Mondays Closed’.”

😄 😄 😄

A man went to the doctor and said, “I think I am upside down.”

When the doctor asked why he felt like that, the man said, “Because my feet smell and my nose runs.”

😄 😄 😄

Patient: “Doctor, doctor! I see double!”

Doctor: “Sit on the chair please.”

Patient: “Which one?”

😄 😄 😄

I emailed Netflix and asked if they had Batman Forever.

They said, “No, just until the end of June.”

😄 😄 😄

A woman asks a waiter, “What is this fly doing in my Ice cream?!”

The waiter says, “Shivering, madam.”

😄 😄 😄

Pizza Man: “Do you want me to cut your pizza into eight pieces or six pieces?”

Customer: “You better make it six. I don’t think I can eat eight.”

😄 😄 😄

My teacher always tells me to follow my dreams, but she won’t let me sleep in class.

😄 😄 😄

I was going to buy a pocket calculator.

But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have.

😄 😄 😄

I don't believe in aliens... they lie too much.

😄 😄 😄

Daisy: “Why do you have two different colored socks on? One’s blue, but the other is green.”

Little Johnny: “I’m not sure. It’s weird. There was another pair exactly like this one at home.”

😄 😄 😄

Best Jokes for Moms About Dads

---

My dad and I were having donuts for lunch.

He said, “Enjoy the HOLE donut!”

😄 😄 😄

Yesterday I complimented my dad that he smells good.

He just replied, “That’s because I use both my nostrils.”

😄 😄 😄

Little Johnny yells upstairs: “Dad, there’s a salesman here with a mustache.”

“Tell him I’ve got one.”

😄 😄 😄

My dad once told me that it is not the size of the nose that matters but what is inside it.

😄 😄 😄

Knock-Knock Jokes to Tell Your Mom

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Knock! Knock!

“Who’s there?”

“Donut.”

“Donut, who?”

“Donut ask, it’s a secret!”

😄 😄 😄

Knock! Knock!

“Who’s there?”

“Mikey.”

“Mikey, who?”

“Mikey doesn’t work, can you let me in?”

😄 😄 😄

Knock! Knock!

“Who’s there?”

“Ice cream.”

“Ice cream, who?”

“Ice cream every time I see a ghost!”

😄 😄 😄

Knock! Knock!

“Who’s there?”

“Ice cream.”

“Ice cream, who?”

“Ice cream if you don’t let me in!”

😄 😄 😄

Knock! Knock!

“Who’s there?”

“Water.”

“Water, who?”

“Water you waiting for... Let’s get out the ice cream!”

😄 😄 😄

Knock! Knock!

“Who’s there?”

“Spell.”

“Spell, who?”

“Okay, okay: W. H. O.”

😄 😄 😄

Knock! Knock!

“Who’s there?”

“Somebody too short to ring the doorbell!”

😄 😄 😄

Knock! Knock!

“Who’s there?”

“Cash.”

“Cash, who?”

“No thanks, but I’d love some peanuts.”

😄 😄 😄

Knock! Knock!

“Who’s there?”

“Interrupting cow.”

“Interrup...”

“Moooooooo!”

😄 😄 😄

Knock! Knock!

“Who’s there?”

“Tank.”

“Tank, who?”

“You’re welcome!”

😄 😄 😄

Funny Jokes for Pregnant Moms

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Before having a kid the most important thing to ask yourself is:

“Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?”

😄 😄 😄

Three pregnant women are chatting in a cafe.

Heather says, “I got my ultrasound done yesterday. I’m pregnant with triplets!”

“I got mine done yesterday too,” says Linda. “I’m pregnant with septuplets!”

“I think I’ll get my ultrasound done next week,” says Martha.

The three women chat some more.

Finally, Heather says, “I got Disney+ last month. The first movie I watched on it was ‘The Three Little Pigs’.”

“I got Disney+ last month too,” says Linda. “The first movie I watched on it was ‘Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs’.” When Martha hears this, she instantly goes pale.

“It’s okay if you don’t have Disney+,” says Heather.

“I do have it,” says Martha. “It’s just that the first movie I watched on it was ‘101 Dalmatians’.”

😄 😄 😄

A woman in England gives birth every 30 seconds.

She must be exhausted.

😄 😄 😄

Funny Jokes for Mother About Kids

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The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large tray of hot dogs.

The nun posted a sign on the hot dog tray “Take only one, God is watching”.

Further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

One child whispered to another, “Take all you want. God is watching the hot dogs.”

😄 😄 😄

Little Johnny’s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals.

One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

“Yes,” said the policeman. “The detectives want very badly to capture him.”

Little Johnny asked, “Why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture?”

😄 😄 😄

A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s artwork.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.”

The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.”

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl replied, “They will in a minute.”

😄 😄 😄

“Dad, I don’t want to go to school today,” said the boy.

“Why not, son?”

“Well, one of the chickens on the school farm died last week and we had chicken soup for lunch the next day. Then three days ago one of the pigs died and we had roast pork the next day.”

“But why don’t you want to go today?”

“Because our English teacher died yesterday!”

😄 😄 😄

Two little boys were known troublemakers, stealing everything they could get their hands, even from the church.

One day a priest stopped one of the boys and asked, “Where is God?”

The boy shrugged and the priest repeated, “Where is God?”

The boy ran out of the cathedral crying to his home where he hid in a closet.

Eventually, his brother found him and asked, “What’s wrong?”

The crying boy replied, “We’re in trouble now! God is missing and they think we took him!”

😄 😄 😄

More Mom Jokes

---

A young girl comes home from a date looking rather sad. Her mother asks her what’s wrong.

She says, “Bill proposed to me an hour ago.”

Her mother asks, “Why are you so sad then?”

The girl replies, “Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn’t even believe there’s a hell.”

Her mother says, “Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we’ll show him how wrong he is.”

😄 😄 😄

A fifteen-year-old Amish boy and his father were in a mall.

They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, “What is this, Father?”

The father, never having seen an elevator, responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.”

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button.

The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally, the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, “Son, go get your mother.”

😄 😄 😄

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