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Momma Jokes



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Mom Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



Mom Jokes


What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies.

😄 😄 😄


Yo momma’s so fat, she carries her pet Bantha in her purse.

😄 😄 😄


Yo momma’s cooking is so bad, Jabba wouldn’t feed it to Salacious Crumb.

😄 😄 😄


Yo mamma is so ugly, that not even Ewoks will let her in to their clan.

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Yo momma’s so fat, she dribbled the Death Star.

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Yo momma’s so old, she changed Yoda’s first diaper.

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Yo momma’s so ugly, they push her face in dough to make Ugnaught cookies.

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Yo momma’s so fat, Yoda couldn’t use the Force to move her.

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Yo momma’s so fat, she could put Coruscant out of orbit.

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Yo mama’s so hairy, that she gets mistaken for Chewbacca’s cousin.

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Yo mama’s so dumb, she thought a lightsaber has fewer calories!

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Yo momma is so fat, you have to make two lightspeed jumps just to get on her good side.

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Yo mama’s back is so hairy, it looks like she’s giving Chewbacca a piggy-back ride.

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Yo mama so fat, that they covered her and used her as a death star.

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Yo momma’s so big, when she tripped in Mos Eisley, she landed in Mos Espa.

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Yo mama so fat, that the Sarlaac Pit couldn’t eat her!

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Yo momma so fat, when she farts, scientists on Tatooine think the star around Coruscant just went supernova.

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Yo mama’s so stupid, Kylo Ren couldn’t force read her mind!

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Yo momma’s so hairy, she looks like she has two Ewoks in a headlock.

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Yo mama is so old, she trained Yada’s master in the force!

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Yo momma is so fat, she makes Jabba look like Calista Flockhart.

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Yo mama’s so hairy, that people run up to her and say, “Chewbacca, can I get your autograph?”

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Yo momma’s so ugly, she makes a Gammorrean seem like an attractive date.

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Yo mama so stupid, Jar Jar questioned her existence!

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Yo mama’s so fat, that Gardulla the Hutt had a boost in self-esteem after seeing her.

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Yo mama so fat, she pooped out the Death Star!

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Yo mamma’s so fat, that the Sarlacc rejected her as dinner.

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Yo mama’s so fat, that even the Death Star couldn’t blow her up!

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Yo mama’s so ugly, that they didn’t give her a costume when she auditioned for Star Wars.

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Yo mama is so fat, she did the Kessel run instantly because she is on both sides of it.

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Yo mama is so tall, the Kaminoans had to look up to see her face.

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Yo mama so fat and ugly, she didn’t need a suit to play Jamba the Hutt.

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Yo mama has so much hair on her upper lip, it looks like Ewoks having a party when she talks.

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Yo momma’s so hairy, when she went to the movie theater to see Star Wars, everybody screamed and said, “IT’S CHEWBACCA!”

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Yo mama’s so fat, that carbonite was encased in her.

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Yo momma’s so fat, she uses Kamonians as toothpicks.

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Yo mama’s so fat and full of bush, the Wookiees named their planet after her!

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Yo mama’s so dumb, she thought that Jar Jar comes with pickles pickles.

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Yo mamma’s so fat, she can’t go to a spaceport because x-wings keep trying to land on her back.

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Yo mama’s so fat, that only half her body was able to come out frozen from the carbon freezing chamber in Cloud City.

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Yo mama’s so dumb, she wasn’t looking for the droids in the first place!

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Yo mamma’s so ugly, Rancors look at her and go, “Damn, dude, she’s UGLY!”

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Yo mama so fat, Obi-Wan Kenobi said, “That’s no moon — that’s Yo mama!”

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Yo momma’s so black, when she turned to the dark side the Sith became Jedis.

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Yo mamma’s so fat, I saw her using a Star Destroyer as an ironing board.

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Yo mama’s so flatulent, that she forced the Mustafarians to wear masks!

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Yo mama’s so weak-minded, that I got her to lead me to Jabba without using a Jedi mind trick!

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Yo mamma’s so stupid, she thought Darth Maul was a place to shop.

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Yo mama’s so fat, that even stormtroopers can’t miss her.

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Yo mama’s so fat, Vader can’t even choke her with the Force.

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Yo mama’s so fat, when Vader cut off her hand gravy would have come out had it not been cauterized by the light saber.

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Yo mama’s so hairy, that when she was born she looked like Chewbacca!

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama’s so ugly, that Wuher said, “We don’t serve your kind here.”

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Yo moma is so fat, Luke Skywalker that Yo moma was the Death Star.

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Yo momma’s so stupid, that she thinks Jar Jar is filled with Peanut Butter Peanut Butter!

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Yo mamma is so stupid, she thought a red lightsaber was a red chili and ate it.

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Yo mama’s so fat, Jabba the Hutt said, “Hargh!”

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Yo mama’s so flatulent, that she forced the sand people out of a single file.

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Yo momma so ugly, she makes even The Rancor cry.

😄 😄 😄


Yo mamma’s so ugly, they cut her Cantina scenes in Star Wars.

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama so fat, she played basketball with the Death Star.

😄 😄 😄


Yo mom’s so fat, Luke couldn’t believe she wasn’t a moon!

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Yo momma’s so fat, the Millenium Falcon can hide in her belly button.

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Yo mama so fat, that Wedge Antilles said, “Look at the size of that thing!”

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Yo mamma so hairy, that han solo mistaken her for Chewbacka.

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama’s so fat, that she looks like Jabba the Hut before picture.

😄 😄 😄


Yo momma so stupid, she thought parsec was a unit of time.

😄 😄 😄


Yo momma is so dumb, she makes Gungans look smart.

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama so stupid, she went to Bangkok to get a TIE fighter!

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama so hairy, the only language she speaks is wookie.

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama’s so fat, that the Kaminoans couldn’t use her as a host for clones since they couldn’t pierce her skin deep enough to draw blood.

😄 😄 😄


Yo momma so black, she makes Lando Calrissian look like Casper.

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama’s so fat, that even the Death Star orbited her before Endor.

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Yo mamma’s so fat, I thought she’d have Princess Leia on a leash beside her.

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Yo momma so fat, she prevents ships from going to hyperspace.

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Yo mama’s so fat, her durasteel armor has stretch marks!

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama’s so fat, that people on the Millenium Falcon keep saying, “That’s no moon.”

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Yo mama’s so fat, that she caused Kamino to flood when her water broke.

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Yo momma’s so smelly, it would make a Hutt smell good.

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Yo mama’s so fat, that if she was thrown into the second Death Star’s reactor core, she could have blown up the entire Imperial fleet.

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama so stupid, that she thought Star Wars was a war for stars.

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama’s so fat, she blew up the Deathstar.

😄 😄 😄


Yo momma so dumb, Jar Jar has a higher IQ than her.

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Yo momma is so smelly, even Banthas want to run away from her as fast as possible.

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Yo mama’s so fat, that the passengers of the Millenium Falcon mistook her for a small moon.

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Yo momma so dumb, she picked Jar Jar as her ambassador.

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Yo momma is so fat, The Whole Death Star can use her as a protection shield.

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Your mama’s so short, she sat on a coin and her feet didn’t touch the ground.

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Your mama is so short, she doesn’t roll dice she pushes them.

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Your mama so short, she gotta use an elevator to go up each step.

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Your momma’s hair is so short, she curls the hair with a grain of rice.

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Your mama’s so short, that she makes Gary Coleman look like Shaquille O’Neal.

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Your mama’s so short, that she has to look up to look down.

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Your mama’s so short, that she does pull-ups on a staple.

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Your mama’s so short, that she can play handball on the curb.

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Your mama so short, she sleeps in a mini house.

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Your mama so short, she needs a ladder to touch the ground.

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Your mama so short, she can’t say a thing without a miro phone!

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Your momma’s so short she can bungee-jump off a curb!

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Your momma so short, she is the original Q-tip.

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Your mama’s so short, you can make a life-size sculpture of her using one can of Play-Doh.

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Your mama’s so short, that when she sneezes, she hits her head on the floor.

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Your mama is so short, she has to cuff her underwear.

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Your mama’s so short, that she can run track around the toilet!

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Your mama’s so short, that when I was dissin’ her, she tried to jump kick me in the ankle.

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Your mama’s so short, that she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.

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Your mama’s so short, that she has to get a running start to get up on the toilet.

😄 😄 😄


Your mama’s so short, that she can limbo under the door.

😄 😄 😄


Your mama’s so short, that her homies are the Keebler Elves.

😄 😄 😄


Your mama’s so short, during the election, Donald Trump accidentally stepped on her, and he thought he stepped on a brownie.

😄 😄 😄


Your mama’s so short, that when she sat on the curb her feet didn’t touch the ground.

😄 😄 😄


Your mama’s so short, she does backflips under the bed.

😄 😄 😄


Your mama so short, she went under Trump’s wall.

😄 😄 😄


Your mama so short, she doesn’t need the door, cause she can get through the mouse hole.

😄 😄 😄


Your mama so short, when she got in the car she couldn’t reach the steering wheel.

😄 😄 😄


Your mama so short, she thought the cracks in the sidewalk were part of a maze.

😄 😄 😄


Your mama so short, she committed suicide by jumping off the curb.

😄 😄 😄


Your mama is so small, she hang glides on a Doritos!

😄 😄 😄


Your mama so short, you can see her feet on her driver’s license.

😄 😄 😄


My mom is coming home after a work trip tonight, guess what I am getting?

I am getting yelled at.

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Yo mama so poor, when I stepped on a cigarette to put it out, she said, “Hey, who turned off the heat?”

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama so tall, even Titans can look up her skirt.

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama so poor, she waves around a Popsicle and calls it air conditioning.

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Yo mama so poor, she eats cereal with a fork to save milk.

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Yo mama so poor, she chases after the garbage truck with a shopping list.

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama so hairy, Bigfoot took her picture.

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama so hairy, she found herself in a cage at the zoo.

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Yo mama so tall, she tripped in America and landed in Australia.

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama so hairy, when she auditioned for Planet of the Apes, they made her pack leader.

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama so hairy, people wonder why she wears a fur coat to a nude beach.

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Yo mama so dumb, she thought Nickelback was a refund.

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Yo mama so dumb, she uses Old Spice body wash to cook.

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Yo mama so dumb, she thought Call of Duty was a game about pooping.

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama so dumb, when she got locked in a grocery store, she starved to death.

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Yo mama so dumb, her IQ is lower than Jeffy the Puppet.

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Yo mama so old, her birth certificate says, “Expired”.

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Yo mama so old, her breast milk is powder.

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Yo mama so old, her first Christmas was The First Christmas.

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Yo mama so old, her first cruise was on Noah’s Ark.

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Yo mama so old, her first pet was from Jurassic Park.

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Yo mama so old, not even the time stone could make her young.

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Yo mama so stupid, she brought a spoon to the Superbowl.

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Yo mama so stupid, she thought Taco Bell was a Mexican phone company.

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Yo mama so stupid, when she saw the McDonald’s drive-through sign, she drove through the building.

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Yo mama so stupid, she made an appointment with Dr Pepper.

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Yo mama so stupid, the zombies walked past her because they didn’t smell any brains.

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Yo mama so stupid, she put her phone in airplane mode and thought she could fly.

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Yo mama so tall, when she did a backflip, she digs God in the face.

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Yo mama so ugly, when she watches TV, the channels change themselves.

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Yo mama so ugly, Freddy and his friends hide from her.

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Yo mama so ugly, Forever Alone Guy denied her friend request.

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Yo mama so ugly, the government decided to move Halloween to her birthday.

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Yo mama so fat, Rick and Morty thought her belly button was a portal to another dimension.

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Yo mama so fat, when I saw her on Tinder, swiped left and she was still on the screen.

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Yo mama so fat, NASA thought she was a freaking planet.

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Yo mama so fat, her belt is the equator.

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Yo mama so fat, every time she took a step, it caused an earthquake.

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Yo mama so fat, when she ate an Avocado it was Nickado.

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Yo mama so fat, when she went to In-N-Out, she couldn’t get in nor out.

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Yo mama so fat, Naruto couldn’t make enough shadow clones to surround her.

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Yo mama so fat, her splash attack does damage.

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Yo mama so fat, every time she turns around it’s her birthday.

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Yo mama so fat, Donald Trump used her as the border wall.

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Yo mama so fat, she wakes up on both sides of the bed.

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Yo mama so fat, when she sat on the iPod, she made the iPad!

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama so fat, she wears two watches.

One for each time zone she’s in.

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Yo mama so fat, Darth Vader couldn’t even force choke her.

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Yo mama so fat, people jog around her for exercise.

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Yo mama so fat, her blood type is Nutella.

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Yo mama so fat, she fed an entire zombie apocalypse.

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Yo mama so fat, Cupid’s arrows couldn’t pierce her.

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Yo mama so fat, the horse on her polo shirt is real.

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Yo mama so fat, when she wears her yellow raincoat, people yell out “taxi”!

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Yo mama so fat, her school pictures were taken by a satellite.

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Yo mama so fat, she uses the highway as a slip and slide.

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama so fat, not even Superman can lift her.

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it’s still printing.

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Yo mama so fat, when she lands in Fortnite, she gets a Victory Royale.

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Yo mama’s so stupid, she thought Fortnite was fork night.

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Yo mama’s so fat, she crashed the Fortnite servers.

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yo mama’s so fat, not even ninja could carry her in a Fortnite battle.

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My kids are the sunshine of my life.

Over-exposition invariably leads to a burn out.

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Girl: “What if a boy hugs me?”

Mom: “Say ‘don’t’.”

Girl: “What if he kisses me?”

Mom: “Say ‘stop’.”

The next day when the girl goes to school her boyfriend hugs and kisses her well so she says as her mother told her to do and she quickly said DON’T STOP!

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A girl visited her boyfriend, which was still living with his mother, at his house.

His mother had Puritan principles.

The mother, as long as the girl was there, didn’t even try to hide her dislike feelings for his son’s choice.

“Mom, can I escort Helen?”

The girl, waiting to hear a cold-hearted “no”, she surprised hears.

“Sure... You can! Escort her... to the corner with your eyes!”

😄 😄 😄


My mom got the flu.

She said that it was like her nose went on strike.

I suggested, “You should picket.”

😄 😄 😄


Friend 1: “I think my mom’s getting serious about straightening up my room once and for all.”

Friend 2: “How do you know?”

Friend 1: “She’s learning to drive a bulldozer.”

😄 😄 😄


Sunday school teacher: “Tell me, Johnny. Do you say prayers before eating?”

Johnny: “No, ma’am, I don’t have to. My mom’s a good cook.”

😄 😄 😄


One night, Sally was saying goodnight to her parents and grandparents.

“Good night Mom, good night Dad, good night Grandma, goodbye Grandpa.”

Her dad asked her, “Why goodbye?”

“Oh, I dunno, I just felt like it.”

The very next day, her grandpa died.

That evening, Sally was saying goodnight again.

“Good night Mom, good night Dad, goodbye Grandma.

Her dad was very suspicious, but said nothing.

The very next day, Sally’s grandma died.

That night, when Sally said “Good night Mom, goodbye Dad”, Sally’s dad began to panic. He knew this couldn’t just be a coincidence.

So early the very next day, he went to work, locked his office door, and hid under his desk until late in the afternoon.

Eventually, he decided he should probably go home, or his wife might get worried.

He managed to arrive home safely, and asked his wife how her day had been.

“Oh, it was just awful!” she replied. “The Milkman died!”

😄 😄 😄


One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, “Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan.”

After dinner, George’s dad took him aside, “Son, I have to talk with you. Look at your mother, George. She and I have been married 30 years, she’s a wonderful wife and mother, but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot.”

“Susan is actually your half sister, and I’m afraid you can’t marry her.”

George was brokenhearted.

After eight months he eventually started dating girls again.

A year later he came home and very proudly announced, “Diane said yes! We’re getting married in June.”

Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news, “Diane is your half sister too, George. I’m awfully sorry about this.”

George was livid! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news his father had shared.

“Dad has done so much harm. I guess I’m never going to get married,” he complained. “Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half sister.”

“Hee hee,” his mother chuckled, shaking her head, “Don’t pay any attention to what he says. He’s not really your father.”

😄 😄 😄


“Dad, did you ever fall in love?”

“Yes, son. I did once.”

“And, what happened?”

“In the beginning it was fantastic, but then your mother found out.”

😄 😄 😄


A young Jewish mom walks her son to the school bus corner on his first day of kindergarten.

“Behave, my bubaleh,” she says.

“Take good care of yourself and think about your mother, tataleh!”

“And come right back home on the bus, schein kindaleh.”

“Your mommy loves you a lot, my ketsaleh!”

At the end of the school day, the bus comes back and she runs to her son and hugs him.

“So what did my pupaleh learn on his first day of school?”

The boy answers, “I learned my name is David.”

😄 😄 😄


Yo’ Mama so stupid, she returned a donut because it had a hole in it.

😄 😄 😄


Yo Mama is so old, she’s got a Bible autographed by Jesus.

😄 😄 😄


A woman walks into the Social Worker’s office, trailed by 15 kids.

“WOW!” the social worker exclaims, “Are they ALL yours?”

“Yeah, they’re all mine,” the flustered mother sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.

She says, “Sit down Terry.” All the children rush to find seats.

“Well,” says the social worker, “then you must be here to sign up. I’ll need all your children’s names.”

“This one’s my oldest – he is Terry.”

“OK, and who’s next?”

“Well, this one he is Terry, also.”

The social worker raises an eyebrow, but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Terry.

Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Terri.

“All right,” says the caseworker, “I’m seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL named Terri?”

Their Mother replied, “Well, yes, it makes it easier. When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell “Terry!”, an’ when it’s time for dinner, I just yell “Terry!”, an’ they all come a runnin.

An’ if I need to stop the kid who’s running into the street, I just yell Terry and all of them stop. It’s the smartest idea I ever had, naming’ them all Terry.”

The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, “But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?”

“I call them by their surnames.”

😄 😄 😄


Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school.

Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.

“Wait a minute,” she said. “I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved.”

😄 😄 😄


Mama always said “Work until your bank account looks like a phone number.”

Well I did it! Bank balance: 911!

😄 😄 😄


What happened after the mom purchased a loaf of bread from Albertsons?

By the time she got home, it was toast!

😄 😄 😄


It was the first day of school.

Harry’s mother went into his bedroom and said, “Come on Harry, get up now. You have to go to school today.”

“But I don’t want to go to school,” replied Harry, “I want to stay in bed. Why do I have to go to school?”

“Because,” answered his mother, “you’re a teacher!”

😄 😄 😄


Yo’ mama is so ugly, her hairline is receding just to get away from her face.

😄 😄 😄


The baby tomato was running late for school. Guess what his mommy said?

“Come on, ketch-up!”

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama so stupid, when she threw a grenade at me, I pulled the pin and threw it back.

😄 😄 😄


Your mama so stupid, she put a watch in the piggy bank and said she was saving time.

😄 😄 😄


Your mama so stupid, she cut holes in her umbrella to see if it was raining.

😄 😄 😄


Your mama so stupid, she yelled into an envelope because she wanted to send a voice mail.

😄 😄 😄


Your mama so stupid, I told her Christmas was around the corner and she went looking for it.

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama so small, she has to wear a torn napkin as a dress.

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama so small, she committed suicide by jumping off the curb.

😄 😄 😄


Your mama so short, she has to hold a sign up that says, “Don’t spit, I can’t swim”.

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama so old, she rode dinosaurs to school.

😄 😄 😄


Your mama so short, she went to see Santa and he told her to get back to work.

😄 😄 😄


Your mama so short, people thought she was a Funko Pop.

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama is so hot, she makes the sun sweat.

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama so hot, when she got into the Arctic Ocean, it turned into a hot tub.

😄 😄 😄


Your mama so hot, when she visits Antarctica, locals call it summertime.

😄 😄 😄


Your mama so hot, rangers banned her from National Parks for starting forest fires.

😄 😄 😄


Your mama so hot, her hugs give third-degree burns.

😄 😄 😄


Your mama so hot, scientists deemed her the leading cause of global warming.

😄 😄 😄


Your mama so dumb, she got fired from the M & M factory for throwing away all the W's.

😄 😄 😄


Your mama so dumb, she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.

😄 😄 😄


Your mama so dumb, she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!

😄 😄 😄


Your mama so dumb, she watches “The Three Stooges” and takes notes.

😄 😄 😄


Your mama so dumb, she bought a solar-powered flashlight.

😄 😄 😄


Your mama so old, she farts dust!

😄 😄 😄


Your mama so old, when she was born, the Dead Sea was just getting sick!

😄 😄 😄


Your mama so old, when she was young, rainbows were black and white!

😄 😄 😄


Your mama so old, her driver's license got hieroglyphics on it!

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama so ugly, when she was born the doctor slapped your grandma!

😄 😄 😄


Your mama so ugly, when she walks into a bank, they turn off the cameras.

😄 😄 😄


Your mama so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, no professionals."

😄 😄 😄


Your mama so ugly, the psychiatrist makes her lie face down.

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama so fat, she left the house in high heels and when she came back, she had on flip flops.

😄 😄 😄


Your mama so fat, she sat on a dollar and when she got up there were 4 quarters.

😄 😄 😄


Your mama so fat, when she gets on the scale it says, “to be continued.”

😄 😄 😄


Your mama so fat, she gets group insurance!

😄 😄 😄


Your mama so fat, a picture of her would fall off the wall!

😄 😄 😄


Yo Mama's appetite is so huge, she uses a truck to carry her popcorn to the movies.

😄 😄 😄


Yo Mama's so disgusting, she keeps maggots as pets.

😄 😄 😄


Yo momma's arm-pits stink so bad she made Right Guard turn to left.

😄 😄 😄


Your mama's got a leather wig with suede sideburns.

😄 😄 😄


At the family reunion.

Boy: “I’m here to talk about our family, but Mom always taught me that if I don’t have anything nice to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all. Good Day.”

😄 😄 😄


The dad says, “A man is someone who is responsible and cares for their family.”

The kid replies, “I hope one day I can be a man just like mom!”

😄 😄 😄


Good moms let you lick the beaters.

Great moms turn them off first.

😄 😄 😄


A little girl finally got to attend a wedding for the first time.

While in the church, the girl asked her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?”

The mother replied to the girl, “Because white is the color of happiness and it’s the happiest day of her life today.”

After a little bit, the girl looks up at her mother and says, “But, then why is the groom wearing black?”

😄 😄 😄


A mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl as a roommate.

During his meal, his mother couldn’t help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there’s more between him and his roommate.

Reading his mom’s thought, his son volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates.”

About a week later, his roommate came to him saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the silver plate. You don’t suppose your mother took it, do you?”

He said, “Well I doubt it, but l'll email her just to be sure!”

He sat down and wrote:

Dear mom,

After you visited me, the silver plate has been missing. I’m not saying that you did take the silver plate from my house, and I’m not saying that you don’t take it, but the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love

Your son

Several days later, he received an email from his mother which read:

Dear Son,

I’m not saying that you do sleep with your roommate, and I’m not saying that you don’t sleep with her, but the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under her pillow.

Love

Mom

😄 😄 😄


At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying “I know the whole truth”.

Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.

Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.”

His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.”

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.”

The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door.

The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.”

The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”

😄 😄 😄


Your momma so short, she takes a shower in a raindrop.

😄 😄 😄


Yo momma so short, she can’t say a thing without a microphone!

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama is so short, when she plays Fortnite, she can hide under the freaking store.

😄 😄 😄


Your mama so short, she has to slam dunk her bus fare.

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama so short, she poses for trophies!

😄 😄 😄


Yo momma so hot, doctors say her blood type is lava.

😄 😄 😄


Your mama so hot, when Electra and Haspiel saw her, they burned to death.

😄 😄 😄


Your mama is so hot, I gotta wear oven mitts to touch her.

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama so hot, she makes jalapeños cry.

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama is so hot, she makes the sun look like Antarctica.

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama so dumb, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama is so dumb and hungry, the only letters in the alphabet she knows are K.F.C.

😄 😄 😄


Your mama is so dumb, when dad said it’s chilly outside she brought a spoon and a bowl.

😄 😄 😄


Yo momma so dumb, when y’all were driving to Disneyland, she saw a sign that said “Disneyland left”, so she went home.

😄 😄 😄


Yo momma is so dumb, she thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet!

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama so old, she walked out of a museum and the alarm went off.

😄 😄 😄


Yo momma is so old, I slapped her in the back and her boobs fell off.

😄 😄 😄


Yo momma so old, she walked into an antique store and they kept her.

😄 😄 😄


Yo Mama is so old, Adam and Eve were at her graduation ceremony.

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama so old, she knew Burger King when he was just a prince.

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama is so ugly, that most Snapchat filters make her better looking.

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama so ugly, she threw a boomerang and it refused to come back.

😄 😄 😄


Your mama is so ugly, she made One Direction go another direction.

😄 😄 😄


Your momma so ugly, when she looks in the mirror, the reflection ducks!

😄 😄 😄


Yo momma is so ugly, she made an onion cry.

😄 😄 😄


Yo momma is so stupid, when I said, “Drinks are on the house,” she got a ladder.

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama’s so stupid, she stared at a cup of orange juice for 12 hours because it said “concentrate”.

😄 😄 😄


Yo momma is so stupid, when an intruder broke into her house, she ran downstairs, dialed 9-1-1 on the microwave, and couldn’t find the “CALL” button.

😄 😄 😄


Yo Mama’s so stupid, she thinks Los Angeles is where God lives with all his angels.

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama so stupid, I said, “Kool-Aid,” and she jumped through the wall.

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama’s so fat, when she fell I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama is so fat, that the National Weather Service names each of her farts.

😄 😄 😄


Yo momma is so fat, when she got on the scale it said, “I need your weight, not your phone number.”

😄 😄 😄


Yo momma so fat, she can’t reach her back pocket.

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama so fat, when she died, she broke the stairway to heaven.

😄 😄 😄


Yo mama so scary, you thought the monsters in your closet were friends.

😄 😄 😄


Yo momma's got a peanut butter wig with jelly sideburns.

😄 😄 😄





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