Military Jokes

Enjoy our team's carefully selected Military Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!

Military Jokes

What do the US military and a fart have in common?

Air Force.

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Why are they called the armed forces?

Because it’s hard to fight a war with just your legs.

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Sergeant: β€œI didn’t see you at camouflage training.”

Private: β€œThank you, sir!”

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While testing a newly installed computer, an army officer asked the machine to predict the probability of World War Three and promptly received a one-word answer β€œYes”.

Annoyed at the lack of detail, the officer barked, β€œYes, what?”

Instantly the machine replied, β€œYes, sir!”

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My grandpa grew up during the depression, as a result, he never threw anything away.

He died in the war, holding a hand grenade.

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My wife was talking about funeral plans.

My Wife: β€œI said we’ll give you a military send off like the sailors on a ship.”

Me: β€œI was in the Air Force.”

My Wife: β€œOK, we’ll toss you out of an airplane.”

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Yo mama is so old she trained Yada’s master in the force!

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The military was standing outside my house, guess what I did?


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A soldier ran up to a nun.

Out of breath, he asked, β€œPlease, may I hide under your skirt? I’ll explain later.”

The nun agreed.

A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, β€œSister, have you seen a soldier?”

The nun replied, β€œHe went that way.”

After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, β€œI can’t thank you enough, sister. You see, I don’t want to go to Iraq.”

The nun said, β€œI understand completely.”

The soldier added, β€œI hope I’m not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!”

The nun replied, β€œIf you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls... I don’t want to go to Iraq either.

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