Mexico Jokes



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Mexico Jokes


A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence.

He pulls him out and says, โ€œSorry, you know the law, youโ€™ve got to go back across the border right now.โ€

The Mexican man pleads with them, โ€œNo, noooo Senor, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!โ€

The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, โ€œIโ€™m going to make it hard for him.โ€

He says, โ€œOk, Iโ€™ll let you stay if you can use three English words in a sentence. The three words are โ€˜greenโ€™, โ€˜pinkโ€™, and โ€˜yellowโ€™.โ€

The Mexican man thinks, then says, โ€œHmmm, okay. The phone, it went green, green, green. I pink it up and sez โ€œyellow?โ€.โ€

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Why doesnโ€™t Mexico have an Olympic team?

Because every Juan that can jump, run and swim is already in the U.S.

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Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. Heโ€™s got two large bags over his shoulders.

The guard stops him and says, โ€œWhatโ€™s in the bags?โ€

โ€œSand,โ€ answered Juan.

The guard says, โ€œWeโ€™ll just see about that, get off the bike!โ€

The guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand.

He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags.

The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the manโ€™s shoulders, and lets him cross the border.

The next day, the same thing happens.

The guard asks, โ€œWhat have you got?โ€

โ€œSand,โ€ says Juan.

The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.

This sequence of events is repeated every day for a year.

Finally, Juan doesnโ€™t show up one day and the guard later meets him in a Cantina in Mexico.

โ€œHey, Buddy,โ€ says the guard, โ€œI know you are smuggling something. Itโ€™s driving me crazy. Itโ€™s all I think about. I canโ€™t sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?โ€

Juan sips his beer and says, โ€œBicycles.โ€

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How do you start a Mexican bedtime story?

Juans upon a time.

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Whatโ€™s a Mexicanโ€™s favorite martial art?

Tae K-Juan Do.

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What are the chances of winning the Mexican lottery?

Juan in a million.

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How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb?

Just Juan.

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Did you hear about the Mexican that got shot at the golf course?

It was a hole in Juan.

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Has anyone played that weird Mexican carnival game where groundhogs pop out of holes, and you have to smear them with avocado?

I really suck at guac-a-mole.

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The shady workers behind the Mexican restaurant...

Thatโ€™s nacho business.

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An American tourist walks out of a Mexican train station when he notices he isnโ€™t wearing his watch.

A Mexican man is resting under a sombrero under a nearby tree.

The American approaches the Mexican and asks, โ€œExcuse me, do you know what time is?โ€

The Mexican looks at the donkey, grabs its balls, and replies, โ€œ4:30.โ€

The American asks, โ€œHow do you know that?โ€

The Mexican replies, โ€œWell you get a handful of the donkeyโ€™s balls and lift them up so you can see that clock across the street.โ€

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Yo mama so stupid she thought Taco Bell was a Mexican phone company.

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My friend: โ€œMy girlfriend said she wanted to eat tacos, so we flew to Mexico.โ€

Me: โ€œHey babe, what do you wanna eat?โ€

Her: โ€œNothing.โ€

Me: Flies to Africa.

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