Mechanic Jokes

Enjoy our team's carefully selected Mechanic Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!

Mechanic Jokes

One day, a blonde woman entered an auto body shop claiming that she’d suffered extensive damage to her new auto.

The mechanic thought he’d have some fun with her, so he told her that she didn’t need him to fixed all the dents. He said she could fix them herself by blowing into the tailpipe as hard as she could, and they’d all pop out.

The woman went home and proceeded to get down on her hands and knees in the driveway. She was blowing into the pipe as hard as she could and her face was turning purple when another blonde woman walked by and asked what she was doing.

After hearing the whole story, the second blonde pauses for a moment then responds, “Hello! The windows are down.”

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My brother just broke the record by downing 22 jets.

He’ll forever be remembered as the worst mechanic in the Air Force.

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A mechanical engineer, a software engineer and a purchasing agent are on their way to an industry event when their rental car gets a flat tire.

The purchasing agent says, “We need to buy a new tire.”

The mechanical engineer says, “No, I think I can fix this one.”

And the software engineer says, “Let’s drive on it for a while, maybe it’ll fix itself.”

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Dave and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics in Melbourne, Australia. One day the airport was fogged in, and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.

Dave said, “Man, I wish we had something to drink!”

Jim says, “Me too. You know, I’ve heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You want to try it?”

So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane booze and get completely smashed.

The next morning, Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact, he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing!

Then the phone rings. It’s Jim.

Jim: “Hey, how do you feel this morning?”

Dave: “I feel great, how about you?”

Jim: “I feel great, too. You don’t have a hangover?”

Dave: “No, that jet fuel is great stuff no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often.”

Jim: “Yeah, well there’s just one thing.”

Dave: “What’s that?”

Jim: “Have you farted yet?”

Dave: “No.”

Jim: “Well, DON’T—because I’m in New Zealand.”

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Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise.

He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD and now it’s fine.

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A proctologist had been in practice for 20 years and had settled into a very comfortable life with his future very secure. So he decided to fulfill his REAL dream and become an auto mechanic.

Having entered mechanic school, the former physician received the results of his first test back with a score of 200%.

Confused, he asked the teacher why his score was so high.

“Well”, said the teacher, “the first part was taking the engine apart and you did that perfectly, so you got 50%. The second was to put it back together again and you did it perfectly and got another 50%. The other 100% was for doing it through the tailpipe.”

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