Meat Puns and Hilarious Meat Jokes



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Meat Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



Meat Jokes


Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œBacon.”

β€œBacon, who?”

β€œBacon me crazy waiting for breakfast!”

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œBacon.”

β€œBacon, who?”

β€œBacon a cake for your birthday.”

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Don’t ever attend Thanksgiving with a group of comedians.

They’ll never stop roasting the turkey.

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So a housewife is preparing Thanksgiving dinner when her husband comes in, and she asks, β€œAre you hungry, dear?”

And the turkey answers, β€œNo, I’m stuffed.”

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The EU was invited to a Thanksgiving dinner.

But they refused to have turkey.

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My family asked me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes.

I told them I couldn’t stop cold turkey.

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Every year, after Thanksgiving, I give up all my bad habits.

I can do it because I have lots of cold turkey.

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Did you know that they don’t serve Thanksgiving leftovers at rehab?

People there are trying to quit cold turkey.

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Chicken to turkey:

β€œOnly Thanksgiving and Christmas? You’re lucky, with us it’s any Sunday.”

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Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?

Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.

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At Thanksgiving, my brother tried to carve the turkey with a grapefruit spoon.

He’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

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What did the turkey say during Thanksgiving?

It was too stuffed to say anything.

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Who is never hungry on Thanksgiving?

The turkey, because he’s already stuffed.

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I was going to smoke a turkey this Thanksgiving.

But they banned flavored vapes.

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What do you call a turkey after Thanksgiving?

Lucky.

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Why are the cranberries red?

They saw the turkey dressing!

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What kind of key is edible?

A turkey on Thanksgiving.

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Last Thanksgiving, my mother told me, β€œIf your brothers start arguing, don’t take sides.”

Sure enough, they yelled at each other and I could only have turkey.

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Did you hear about the two turkeys who got into a fight?

They beat the stuffing outta each other.

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Why did the band hire a turkey as a drummer?

Because he had the drumsticks!

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Who’s going to the concert festival on Thanksgiving Day?

The bands will be Meatloaf, Korn, The Cranberries, and Smashing Pumpkins.

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Did you hear about the Thanksgiving turkey that tried to escape the roasting pan?

He was foiled.

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How are wives like Thanksgiving turkeys?

They eventually get fat and then stop gobbling.

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Did you hear that I won the Thanksgiving turkey cookoff?

You butterball-ieve it.

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What is a bad bowler’s favorite holiday?

Thanksgiving because they finally get a turkey.

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What did the Mandalorian say about how to cook the Thanksgiving turkey?

β€œβ€¦This is the way.”

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What if the Indians would have given the Pilgrims a donkey instead of a turkey?

We’d all be having a piece of ass for Thanksgiving.

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What did the man tell his friends who asked for his secret to preparing the turkey for Thanksgiving?

β€œEasy, I tell the bird he is going to die.”

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Did you hear about the guy who checks into rehab the day after Thanksgiving?

He couldn’t quit cold turkey.

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What’s the best thing about Thanksgiving in Bulgaria?

Bulgaria is next to Turkey and Greece.

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Why don’t the Greeks, Slavs, and Armenians celebrate Thanksgiving?

Because they don’t like Turkey.

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What’s the difference between retail workers and turkeys?

We let the turkey rest on Thanksgiving.

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Yo mama so old she ate Dodo on his first Thanksgiving.

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Why do some people not like a Thanksgiving joke about turkeys?

Because of fowl language.

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Why was the UN concerned when the waiter dropped Thanksgiving dinner?

Because it meant the fall of turkey, the ruin of grease, and the breakup of china.

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Remember the guy who used to be addicted to Thanksgiving leftovers?

He had to quit cold turkey.

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What do you call a dumb carnivore?

A meathead.

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What is a carnivore’s favorite bumper sticker for their car?

β€œI love animals. They taste great.”

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Vegan: β€œPeople who sell meat are gross!”

Non-vegetarian: β€œPeople who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.”

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My non-vegetarian friend told me to eat chicken, it’s very healthy.

I said no, it WAS healthy, but you ate it.

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Why did the bacon laugh?

Because the egg cracked a yolk!

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Three soccer playersβ€”one plays for Manchester United, one for Liverpool and one for Arsenalβ€”are lost in the desert.

They come across a dead camel and are having trouble deciding who gets what.

So the guy from Manchester says, β€œWell, since I’m from ManCHESTer, I’ll get the chest.

The player from Liverpool goes, β€œWell, in that case I'll eat the liver.

Then guy from ARSEnal says, β€œI’m not hungry...”

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One day, I watched my father grilling burgers.

When they were done, he handed me one telling me it was a bison burger.

He then left, and never came back.

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I had a bison steak at a restaurant recently.

When I finished, I asked the waiter for the buffalo bill.

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A French couple, an Italian couple and a Polish couple go out to dinner.

The French husband says to his wife, β€œPass the honey, honey.”

The Italian man says to his wife, β€œPass the sugar, sweety.”

The polish guy, not quite understanding the situation, says to his wife, β€œPass the bacon, you fat pig.”

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Why was the bacon tree so angry when the axemen came?

Because he thought it was a ham-bush.

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What did the pig say when he was placed in the desert?

Oh no, I’m bacon.

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What made the pig go to the kitchen?

Because he felt like bacon.

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Why did yogurt hate bacon?

Because he was uncultured.

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What was the name of the bacon movie?

Hamlet.

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Which celebrity had the best kind of smell?

Kevin Bacon.

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What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur?

Jurassic Pork.

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What do you call a bacon with a Scottish accent?

Ham-ish.

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What was the name of the frog’s favorite crisp dish?

Croaky bacon.

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What is a pressing thought of every pig?

β€œWhy do all bacons get cooked and cookies get baked?”

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Pessimists are like German vegetarians.

They fear the wurst.

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People that don’t eat meat are called vegetarians, but what are people that don’t eat vegetables?

Constipated.

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Being a vegetarian in Germany is so difficult.

It’s the wurst.

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A hot dog and a hamburger are having a drink at the bar.

The hot dog says, β€œI’ve got some bad news for you and I can either sugarcoat it or give it to you straight.”

The hamburger replies, β€œPlease, beef frank.”

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What dog can’t bark?

A hot dog.

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A guy walks into the doctor’s office.

A hot dog in one of his ears, a pretzel in the other ear, and a nacho chip in one nostril.

The man says, β€œDoc, this is terrible. What’s wrong with me?”

The doctor says, β€œWell, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly.”

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A guy claims to have made a 20 lb hot dog.

A butcher says, β€œAh, that’s bologna.”

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What did the burger do when he ate his enemy the hot dog?

He relished it.

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Did you hear about the hot dog stand on the moon?

The hot dogs were out of this world, but there was absolutely no atmosphere.

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Why did the disgruntled hot dog vendor quit his job?

He just didn’t relish it.

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A Buddhist monk, visiting New York City for the first time in twenty years, walked up to a hot dog vendor, handed him a twenty-dollar bill, and said, β€œMake me one with everything.”

The vendor pocketed the money and handed the Buddhist monk his hot dog.

The monk, after waiting for a moment, asked for his change.

The vendor looked at him and said, β€œChange comes from within.”

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What do you call a dog with a fever?

Hot dog.

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What do you have to put on your hot dogs?

Must-ard!

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Why do Germans fear getting cheese in their hot dogs?

Because for them it’s considered to be a Wurst-KΓ€se scenario.

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What do you get when you put a chicken, a cow, and a pig together?

A hot dog.

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What did the American hot dog say to the German hot dog?

You’re the wurst.

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I won my 17th straight Halloween costume contest as a hot dog.

I’m on a roll.

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Why does a dog stay in a shadow?

Because it doesn’t want to be a hot dog.

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Me, at the hot dog stand: β€œCan I get a jumbo sausage?”

Hot dog guy: β€œSure. Won’t be long.”

Me: β€œIn that case, can I have two?”

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What’s the best thing to put on a hot dog?

Water, to cool him down.

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Everyone always says that hot dogs suck.

I think German sausages are the wurst!

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Why did the hot dog dress up?

It felt a little halloweenie.

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I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year.

They chose a hot dog... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.

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What did the man do when he saw a hot dog?

He put it in the shade.

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I finally was chosen to pick toppings for the hot dogs!

I relished the opportunity!

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There are no losers when eating hot dogs.

Only wieners.

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If you don’t like hot dogs, I think you’re the wurst.

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The hot dog asked his friend, β€œHave you been to the German nightclub yet?”

His friend hadn’t, it was too krauted.

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Let me be frank, I love the summer.

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The family got completely lost on their journey to the hot dog stand.

They took a turn for the wurst.

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So hot dog, we meat again.

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What do you call a sea of hot dogs?

Frank Ocean.

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What is the best way to enjoy a hot dog?

Relish it.

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What did the people call the bad hot dog stand?

The WURST!

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What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in a hot dog bun?

Frank.

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Went to a hot dog convention hoping to meet some women.

But it turned out to be a sausage fest.

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I might have to reconsider my kosher hot dog business...

For some reason, Anne’s Franks hasn’t been very popular with the target audience.

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Last, I declare you the weiner of the food contest.

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Why do all hot dogs look the same after coming off the grill?

Because they are in-bred.

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What did the mom say when her kid dropped their hot dog?

It could always be wurst!

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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Take away its chair.

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Every oven in the greasy hot dog restaurant was broken.

So the diners got a raw deal.

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When do franks tell insults?

At a wienie roast.

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How does the enthusiastic man eat his hot dog?

With relish.

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What do you call a saw that cuts hot dogs?

Sawsage.

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A hot dog and a hamburger walk into a bar.

The bartender immediately tells them, β€œI’m sorry, but we don’t serve food here.”

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I stepped into my shower today only to find hot dogs coming out of the shower head.

My plumber calls it a β€œmeatier shower”.

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A blond goes up to the librarian.

Blond: β€œCan I have a hot dog?”

Librarian: β€œSorry, Madam, but this is a library.”

Blond: β€œOh, sorry!” says quietly. β€œCan I have a hot dog?”

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Have you ever been to a hot dog factory?

No, I haven’t sausage a place.

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Why did the vegetarian hot dog cross the road?

To prove he wasn’t chicken!

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Hot dogs really should be renamed to hot wolves... They always come in packs.

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What do you call a candid hot dog?

A frankfurter.

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What was the taxidermist doing at the hot dog stand?

Stuffing his face!

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I just had a very serious discussion about hot dogs...

It was a frank discussion.

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A good friend of mineβ€”Frankβ€”owns and operates a struggling Hot Dog business.

He recently turned to social media to help boost sales though and is determined to make every post a weiner.

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I have an idea for a make-your-own hot dog place.

It’s called β€œWhat’s the Wurst That Could Happen?”.

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How did the hot dog ask the ketchup out?

He mustard up the courage.

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A yam and a hot dog are having a heart-to-heart.

Yam: β€œCan I be candied with you?”

Hot dog: β€œIn that case, let me be frank.”

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I was eating a hot dog the other day and when I took a bite, ketchup squirted in my eye...

Now I have heinzsight.

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Customer: β€œGive me a hot dog.”

Waiter: β€œWith pleasure.”

Customer: β€œNo, with sauerkraut!”

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On the way home from a hunt, a hunter stops by the grocery store.

β€œGive me a couple of steaks,” he says.

β€œWe’re out of steaks, but we have hot dogs and chicken,” says the butcher.

β€œHot dogs and chicken?!” yells the hunter. β€œHow can I tell my wife I bagged a couple of hot dogs and chickens?!”

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What do you call a claim that a guy could eat a foot long hot dog in two bites?

Hard to swallow.

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Why does ketchup on hot dogs spoil early?

Because the sauce-ages.

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Hot dogs and I have a very frank relationship!

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Why was the man holding a bottle of ketchup?

Because it was raining cats and hot dogs.

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What do you call a hot dog race?

Wiener takes all.

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When does a hot dog have a close shave?

At the barber-cue!

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Where do you smart hot dogs go?

On the honor role.

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She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.

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What do you call a frozen frankfurter?

A chili dog.

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What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter?

Ketch-up!

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Son: β€œDad, why did you and mom name my sister Rose?”

Dad: β€œBecause your mother loves Roses.”

Son: β€œOh... OK. Thanks, Dad!”

Dad: β€œNo problem, Costco Hot Dog.”

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What did Alex say to his college roommate to get him to stop working on his college essay and come out for hot dogs?

Relish today...

And Ketchup tomorrow.

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Why are German hot dogs the most controversial?

It’s because they make the best and the wurst ones.

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My girlfriend asked me if hot dogs were good for her diet.

I replied, β€œThey’re not the wurst.”

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When I was a kid I could go to the store with only $5 and come home with bread, milk, hot dogs and my favorite candy.

You can’t do that these days...

Too many damned security cameras.

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What did the hot dog say when it crossed the finish line?

β€œI’m a wiener!”

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Why does a Chicago-style hot dog always lose races?

Because it refuses to ketchup.

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I go to the store and buy ten hot dogs, nine burgers, three bags of chips, and six sodas.

If I eat nine hot dogs, seven burgers, three bags of chips, and drink five sodas, what do I have?

No self-control.

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I took a road trip with my German buddy and when I accidentally dropped my hot dog out the window he swung the car around to go back and get it. . .

That’s when the whole trip really took a turn for the wurst.

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The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large tray of hot dogs.

The nun posted a sign on the hot dog tray β€œTake only one, God is watching”.

Further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

One child whispered to another, β€œTake all you want. God is watching the hot dogs.”

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A hot dog vendor brings a homeless man to court for standing near the stand and enjoying the smell of the meat as he ate his bread.

The judge is quite exasperated.

Judge to the homeless man: β€œDo you deny this?”

Homeless man: β€œNo, your honor.”

Judge: β€œDo you have any coins?”

Homeless man: β€œJust a few quarters, your Honor.”

Judge: β€œGive them here.”

Homeless man: β€œYour Honor, they’re all I have!”

Judge: β€œThat may be so, but please just give me those coins.”

Homeless man: β€œVery well.” Hands over the coins.

Judge to the stand owner: β€œPay close attention.” Drops coins on the table. β€œDid you hear that?”

Stand owner: β€œYes, your Honor.”

Judge: β€œExcellent. Now you take the sound of those coins as payment for the smell of the meat.”

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What does a man consider a seven-course meal?

A hot dog and a six-pack of beer.

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What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it?

A hollow-weenie!

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Did you see the movie about the hot dog?

It was an Oscar Wiener.

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What did the constipated hot dog say?

Muuussttuurrrdd!!

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I love vegan food!

It makes an excellent side dish to any meat.

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What’s the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?

Deer balls. They’re under a buck.

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I went to a church men’s campout a few years back. Everyone was sitting around the fire cooking breakfast.

Joe, an old-time rancher, starts cooking some homemade sausage.

A few minutes go by, then someone asks, β€œHey Joe, what kind of sausage is that? It smells good.”

β€œTo which Joe replies, β€œChocolate sausage.”

This gets everyone’s attention.

When the sausage finished cooking, Joe offers a piece to anyone who wanted to try it.

A few of the guys take a cut and eat it, then get confused looks on their faces.

The same guy asks Joe again, β€œThis doesn’t taste any different than normal sausage. Chocolate?..”

Still waking up, Joe clears his throat and says, β€œThe horse was named Chocolate.”

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Guess the difference between a hot dog and a corn dog?

One’s stuck up while the other is laid back!

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A butcher went out on a date. Guess what he said?

β€œNice to meat you.”

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Guess what the chop said to the steak on their first date?

It’s so nice to finally meat you!

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What did the taco say to the depressed donut?

Taco: β€œWant to taco bout it?”

Donut: β€œI donut know what to say.”

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Yo mama so stupid she thought Taco Bell was a Mexican phone company.

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What did the butcher say to his girlfriend on their first date?

β€œNice to meat you.”

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The most loyal, kind and noble of all dog breeds is the hot dog.

He’s the only one who feeds the hand that bites him.

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What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog?

Stop touching my buns!

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What do you give a dog with a fever?

Mustard because it’s the best thing for a hot dog.

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They brought the hot dog in for questioning.

He gave the... wurst... answers.

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A man was sitting on a park bench eating a hot dog.

A woman with a small dog walked up to sit on another bench across from the man. Almost immediately, the little dog began barking incessantly at the man while he ate.

The man asked, β€œWould you mind if I throw him a bit?”

β€œNot at all,” the woman replied.

The man picked the dog up and tossed him over a wall.

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Two immigrants have just arrived in the United States and one says to the other, β€œI hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs.”

β€œOdd,” her companion replies, β€œbut if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do.”

Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart.

β€œTwo dogs, please,” she says.

The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter.

Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their β€œdogs”.

One of them opens the foil and begins to blush.

Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, β€œWhat part did you get?”

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My friend: β€œMy girlfriend said she wanted to eat tacos, so we flew to Mexico.”

Me: β€œHey babe, what do you wanna eat?”

Her: β€œNothing.”

Me: Flies to Africa.

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Yeah, I like NFTs...

Nachos,

Fajitas &

Tacos.

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My kids won’t eat their tacos for dinner, so I had to throw them out.

Then I ate their tacos.

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Priest: β€œDon’t drink too much liquor. You will go to Hell.”

Alcoholic: β€œReally? What about the guy who sells the liquor?”

Priest: β€œHe will also go to Hell.”

Alcoholic: β€œOk, what about the girl who sells Al Pastor tacos, and puts out in the food truck outside the Liquor Store?”

Priest: β€œShe too will go to Hell.”

Alcoholic: β€œIn that case, I have no problem going to Hell.”

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My friend keeps saying, β€œEvery time I go to Taco Bell, I get diarrhea.”

I said, β€œTry ordering Tacos instead.”

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A man hunts a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.

Both he and his wife decide that they’ll play a game with the kids. They’ll give them a clue and get them to guess what it is.

At mealtime, the kids are eager to know what the meat is on their plates, so they beg their dad for the clue.

β€œWell,” he says, β€œit’s what mommy calls me sometimes”.

The little girl screams, β€œDon’t eat it! It’s an asshole!”

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Yo mama’s appetite is so huge even after eating an elephant for breakfast she demanded a whale as dessert.

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