Jokes on Lovers

Enjoy our team's carefully selected Lover Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!

Lover Jokes

The wife tried to scare her husband by leaving him a breakup letter after he returned home late.

She left a note, saying:

I’ve had enough and have left you. Don’t bother coming after me.

Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction.

After a short while, her husband comes home, and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom.

She could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note.

After a few minutes, he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone.

“She’s finally gone... Yeah, I know... I’m coming to see you... Put on that nightgown I like... Love you... Can’t wait to see you...”

He hung up, grabbed his keys, and left.

She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed.

Seething with rage and with tears in her eyes, she grabbed the note to see what he wrote.

“I can see your feet. We’re out of bread. Be back in five minutes.”

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A man visits a friend recovering from the flu that had him bedridden for weeks.

Surprisingly, the friend says it’s been a happy and wonderful experience.

“How so?” asks the man.

Friend: “Well, I’ve found out how much my wife loves me and how pleased she is to have me home.”

Man: “How do you know?”

Friend: “Well, every time the postman, the milkman or the dustman comes by, she runs out shouting ‘My husband is home! My husband is home!’.”

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When I see lovers’ names carved in a tree, I don’t think it’s sweet.

I just think it’s surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.

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A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

“Quick, jump out the window,” she says to him.

“What???” the guy says. “We’re on the 13th floor!”

She says, “Just jump, this is no time to be superstitious!”

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A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband’s key in the door.

“Stay where you are,” she said. “He’s so drunk he won’t even notice you’re in bed with me.”

Sure enough, the husband lurched into bed none the wiser, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed.

He turned to his wife, “Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What’s going on?”

“Nonsense,” said the wife. “You’re so drunk you miscounted. Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there.”

The husband climbed out of bed and counted, “One, two, three, four. You’re right, you know.”

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What sign was hanging outside the room where all the donut lovers were having a meeting?

It was a sign that said “Donut disturb!”.

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Donut judge me for being a dessert lover!

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What did the serial killer give his lover for Valentine’s day?

His heart! (Well, not his.)

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What does the mushroom say to his lover?

“I have so mush-room in my heart for you, baby!”

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A balding man was getting a haircut.

The man’s barber said, “Do you know what they say if you’re bald in the front?”

Man: “No.”

Barber: “They say you’re a thinker.”

Man: “Oh?!”

Barber: “Do you know what they say if you’re bald in the back?”

Man: “No.”

Barber: “They say you’re a lover.”

The man perked up.

Man: “What do they say if you’re bald in the front and the back?”

Barber: “That you only think you’re a lover.”

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