Lobster Jokes

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Lobster Jokes

I asked my girlfriend if they serve whales at red lobster.

That way next time we go we know if we can bring her mother.

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In a small fishing village, a Newfoundlander was walking up the wharf carrying two live lobsters, at least three pounds, one in each hand. It was three weeks after the season closed.

Whom should he meet at the end of the wharf but the Fisheries Officer who, upon viewing the live and wiggling lobsters, says, β€œWell me laddie, I got you this time with two live lobsters, three weeks after the season closed!”

The Newfie says, β€œNo, my son. You are wrong! These are two trained lobsters I caught two weeks before the season ended.”

The Fisheries Officer says, β€œTrained? Like how?”

β€œWell, my son, each day I takes these two from my house, down to the wharf, and puts them in the water for a swim. While they swim, I sits on the wharf and has me a smoke or two. After about 15 minutes I whistles, and up comes me two lobsters, and I takes them home!”

β€œLikely story,” the Fisheries Officer says. β€œLet’s take them on down to the wharf and see if its true.”

So, the Newfoundlander goes ahead of the Fisheries Officer to the end of the wharf where, under supervision, he gently lowers both lobsters into the water.

The Newfie sits on a wharf piling and lights up a smoke, then another.

After about 15 minutes the Fisheries Officer says to the Newfie, β€œHow about whistling?”

The Newfoundlander says, β€œWhat for?”

The Fisheries Officer says, β€œTo call in the lobsters.”

β€œWhat lobsters?” the Newfie asks.

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What do you call a Chinese lobster?

A crust-asian.

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Why don’t lobsters like to share?

Because they’re shellfish.

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What do you call an annoyed lobster?

A frustacean.

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What do you call a crab that throws things?

A lobster.

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I saw an interview with Sean Connery about how he used to scuba dive for seafood.

He said, β€œEvery time I saw a crab or lobster with a scrap of food, it was frantically searching for a place to hide, so it could eat alone. Then I thought to myself...

that’s shellfish.”

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