Light Jokes



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Light Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



Light Jokes


Their romance started by candlelight.

But it only lasted a wick.

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How many non-vegans does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they prefer to stay in the dark.

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I was watching a movie when the screen started to emit blue light.

Guess this is one of the cons of watching movies on Blue Ray.

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The blue light special was on sale.

But it left me feeling blue-tifully broke.

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What is the definition of breakfast?

What a driver does when a light suddenly changes.

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Yo daddy so fat when God said β€œlet there be light”, he asked him to move out of the way.

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How many registered nurses does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they’ll delegate it to the nursing assistants, but they’ll check the vital signs just in case.

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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Depends on what it says in the script.

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How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to actually change the bulb, and the other to film it so fundamentalists won’t claim that god did it.

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How many HR people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, the other to investigate the lightbulb’s complaint it was touched inappropriately.

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How many Puerto Ricans does it take to change a lightbulb.

Just Juan.

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How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

It only takes one, but it takes a long time and the light bulb has to want to change.

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How many Mcdonald’s workers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, because they can’t climb the ladder.

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How many koalas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Technically just one, as long as he’s koalafied.

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How many Karens does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. She calls the emergency number and demands that a police officer come and do something about the intimidating blackness.

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How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb?

Just Juan.

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Why did The Joker have to sleep with his lights on?

Because he was afraid of the Dark Knight.

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How many tall people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to get a chair and the other one to call a short person for help.

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How many university graduates does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but it may take up to seven years!

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How many Apple engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They no longer make that socket, you just buy a new house.

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My friend, who has mild epilepsy, is an electrician.

He’s a light fitter.

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What’s faster: lightning, light, or diarrhea?

Diarrhea. Because I ran like lightning to the bathroom, turned on the light, but the diarrhea was already there.

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How many developers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It’s a hardware problem.

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Why are people from New York always depressed?

Because the light at the end of the tunnel is always Jersey.

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I’m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment.

I tried it once and I killed a cyclist.

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How many boomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They’ll all resist change even if it means making the world a brighter place.

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All this spending on Black Friday.

Better make sure ya’ll pay the electric bill first or next Friday will be Black Friday too.

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How many Millennials does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Enough to protest until the government does it for them.

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How many Gen Z’er’s does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They’ll just take a selfie in the dark.

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Death must be really boring for subway drivers.

A light at the end of the tunnel is just a regular workday.

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The lights went out at a comedy convention and it became dark humor.

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When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark.

But when we grew up, the electricity bill is what made us afraid of the light.

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How many golfers does it take to change a light bulb?

FORE!

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How many Star Wars characters does it take to change a light bulb?

Lots because many Hans makes light work.

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How many Sith Lords does it take to change a light bulb?

None, because they prefer it a little on the dark side.

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How many general-relativity theorists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate space.

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I got so sick of trick-or-treaters on Halloween night that I finally turned off all the lights and pretended I wasn’t home.

Forget the ships! My lighthouse, my rules!

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What does the light bulb say when it’s being unscrewed?

I’m feeling delighted...

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Why is the sun not very heavy to carry?

Because it is really very light.

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Why did the sun feel so dizzy?

Because he felt light-headed.

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How many pharmacists does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, every six hours for the next ten days.

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I walked into the kitchen today to find my blonde wife looking very confused while holding a jar of pickles.

β€œWhat’s wrong?” I asked her.

She replied, β€œThis jar of pickles says to store it in a cool, dark location.”

I said, β€œOkay, how about in the fridge?”

She said, β€œNo, silly, there’s a little light inside.”

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Last night, I changed a light bulb, crossed a road, walked into a bar and chatted with an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman.

That’s when I realized my entire life is a joke...

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The judge rose from the bench and said, β€œMadam, I’ve waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court.”

Then he smiled as he said, β€œNow, sit down at that table and write 500 times β€˜I will not pass through a red light.’”

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Two factory workers are talking.

The woman says, β€œI can make the boss give me the day off.”

The man replies, β€œAnd how would you do that?”

The woman says, β€œJust wait and see.”

She then hangs upside down from the ceiling.

The boss comes in and says, β€œWhat are you doing?”

The woman replies, β€œI’m a light bulb.”

The boss then says, β€œYou’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.”

The man starts to follow her and the boss says, β€œWhere are you going?”

The man says, β€œI’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.”

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Guess what number of pessimists it takes to screw in a light bulb?

None – they gave up.

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What do you call London without electricity?

Londoff.

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Why does an alien prefer a light year to a normal year?

Because it has got less calories.

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Your mama so dumb she bought a solar-powered flashlight.

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How many narcissists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. The narcissist holds the light bulb while the rest of the world revolves around him.

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